The tried-and-true yo mama jokes never fail to trigger laughter and fun. And while the classic iteration of these is pretty offensive, sexist, racist, and classist, there is still a way to enjoy a cleaned-up version of these iconic dark jokes without feeling guilty after. Once you remember these are just jokes (you can count on that!), even Scary Mommies can laugh at some of these ridiculous one-liners.
Yo mama jokes are playground traditions and if you never told one, did you really have a childhood? Either way now is the time to build your arsenal of badass jokes that you can use on your friends, spouse, your siblings, or even your own kids (just be sure to set a good example and explain the importance of time and place so they don’t get in trouble at school).
And you’re not the only one looking these up. In fact, according to the latest search data available to us, yo mama jokes are searched for nearly 140,000 times per month. Check out some of our favorites, below.
Added bonus: We’ve gone ahead and tried our best to clean up some of the worst offenders so you can enjoy these totally safe for work versions.
1. Yo mama so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
2. Yo mama so scary, you thought the monsters in your closet were friends.
3. Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at The Last Supper.
4. Yo mama’s bag is so cluttered it’s like the inside of a dollar store in there.
5. Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
6. Yo mama so American, she deep-fries her toothpaste.
8. Yo mama so depressing, blues singers come to visit her when they’ve got writer’s block.
9. Yo mama so American, she sued McDonald’s for selling French fries.
10. Yo mama so klutzy, she tripped over a cordless phone.
11. Yo mama so old that when she was in school, there was no history class.
12. Yo mama so dumb, she plays pool in her bathing suit.
13. Yo mama so scatterbrained, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
14. Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
15. Yo mama so ridiculous, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
16. Yo mama so literal, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said, “concentrate.”
17. Yo mama so strict, she wants you home before, during, and after dark.
18. Yo mama so silly, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
19. Yo mama teeth so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter.
20. Yo mama so funny, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
21. Yo mama house so dirty, she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
22. Yo mama so scary, she threw a boomerang, and it refused to come back.
23. Yo mama so rich, even her yacht has a yacht.
24. Yo mama so evil, the devil sold his soul to her.
25. Yo mama so tall, she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
26. Yo mama so ridiculous, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
27. Yo mama so tall, she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
28. Yo mama so silly, I saw her in a tree talking about how she was the branch manager.
29. Yo mama house so small, you have to go outside to change your mind.
30. Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
31. Yo mama so dumb, she thought Twitter was social media for birds.
32. Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza, she has to go outside to eat it.
33. Yo mama so funny, she thought KFC was UFC for chickens.
34. Yo mama so old, her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
35. Yo mama so literal, when I said, “Drinks on the house,” she got a ladder.
36. Yo mama so scary, she made One Direction go the other direction.
37. Yo mama so confused, she tried to eat Eminem the rapper.
38. Yo mama so nasty, she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
39. Yo mama so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it.
40. Yo mama so old, her birth certificate says expired on it.
41. Yo mama so hot, she makes jalapeños cry.
42. Yo mama so dumb, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
43. Yo mama so American, her birthday song is the National Anthem.
44. Yo mama so silly, she thought Dunkin’ Donuts was a basketball team.
45. Yo mama so literal, that when I told her she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
46. Yo mama so bad at directions, when she saw the “Disneyland left” sign, she went home.
47. Yo mama so strict, she enforced a curfew for the entire neighborhood.
48. Yo mama so strict, she grounded you for getting a silver medal.
49. Yo mama so strict, she locked you up in a tower.
50. Yo mama so short, she has to slam dunk her bus fare.
51. Yo mama’s such a mess, Fix-It Felix said, “I can’t fix it.”
52. Yo mama so honest, she got locked in the grocery store and starved to death.
53. Yo mama so short, people thought she was a Funko Pop.
54. Yo mama so confused, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.
55. Yo mama so nasty, I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
56. Yo mama so lazy, she’s got a remote control just to operate her remote.
57. Yo mama so old, her social security number is 1!
58. Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
59. Yo mama glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map, she can see people waving.
60. Yo mama glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
61. Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow that when she smiled at traffic, it slowed down.
62. Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa, and he told her to get back to work.
63. Yo mama so scary, the robber ran away once he saw her.
64. Yo mama so short, you can see her feet on her driver’s license.
65. Yo mama such a bad cook, the foods throw themselves into the garbage.
66. Yo mama so unfunny, she ruins every joke she ever tells.
67. Yo mama’s cooking is so bad, every April Fool’s she cooks a good meal.
68. Yo mama’s sense of humor is so dry, her best jokes are your worst.
69. Yo mama’s so protective, she covered you in Band-Aids before you got the boo-boos.
70. Yo mama’s hair is so long, Rapunzel takes styling lessons from her.
71. Yo mama so mean, even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
72. Yo mama’s so hungry, she created a Gmail account just so she could get the spam.
73. Yo mama is so confusing that even Scooby Doo couldn’t solve that mystery.
74. Yo mama so clumsy, she tripped over a wireless network.
75. Yo mama’s so loud, she speaks in surround sound.
76. Yo mama moves so slow that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.
77. Yo mama’s so scary that when she went to the zoo, the lions and tigers hid from her.
78. Yo mama is so tacky that when she tried to join a tacky contest they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”
79. Yo mama’s so cold, she gives everyone around her frostbite.
80. Yo mama’s so dim, she held a battery up and said, “I got the power!”
81. Yo mama is so clueless, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
82. Yo mama’s so clueless, when the judge said, “Order in the court,” she asked for fries and a shake.
83. Yo mama’s so clumsy, she got hit by a parked car.
84. Yo mama’s so scary, she has to trick-or-treat by phone.
85. Yo mama’s such a bad cook, the flies got together and fixed the hole in the window screen.
86. Yo mama’s so classless, she’s a Marxist utopia.
87. Yo mama’s so clueless, she went to the optometrist to get an iPhone.
88. Yo mama’s so bad with directions, she saw a “Disneyland left” sign on the way to the theme park, so she went home.
89. Yo mama’s so hairy that when she went to see the new Star Wars movie, everyone thought Chewbacca was making a promotional appearance.
90. Yo mama’s so clueless, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
91. Yo mama’s so hungry, when she went to KFC and the cashier asked what size bucket she wanted, she said, “The one on the roof!”
92. Yo mama’s so nice she’d give me the hair off her back.
93. Yo mama’s so fine we call her “Stacey’s mom.”
94. Yo mama’s so funny, even sidewalks crack up.
95. Yo mama’s so silly she told the NFL players to bring spoons to the Superbowl.
96. Yo mama is so mean that when she went into a haunted house, she came out with a job application.
97. Yo momma is so silly that when thieves broke in and stole the tv, she ran outside and yelled to them, “Hey, you forgot the remote!”
98. Yo mama’s so silly, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
99. Yo mama’s so stern, they don’t give her Happy Meals at McDonald’s.
100. Yo mama’s so mean, her birth certificate is an apology letter.
101. Yo mama’s so greedy, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.