100+ Super Funny 'Big Bang Theory' Quotes That Are Outta This World

100+ ‘Big Bang Theory’ Quotes That Are Outta This World

October 28, 2019 Updated February 1, 2021

big bang theory quotes
Warner Bros. Television/CBS

For twelve seasons, The Big Bang Theory entertained us with nerdy facts on space and Spock, renditions of Soft Kitty, “Bazinga,” and, of course, Sheldon Cooper. The lovable geeks — and Penny — were not only super smart but also super hilarious. With their relatable rants and quick one-liners, The Big Bang Theory was filled with memorable quotes that will live on for eternity. Here are some of the best.

  1. “Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.”— Sheldon Cooper
  2. “I am the king of the nerds.” — Leonard
  3. “I do wanna fling my poop at her.” — Penny
  4. “As my mom used to say, ‘When you’re doing a puzzle, it’s like you’ve got a thousand friends.’ She was full of fun lies like that.” — Amy Farrah Fowler
  5. “I am a horny engineer; I never joke about math or sex.” — Howard Wolowitz
  6. “My point is, while you’re spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you’re really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they’re gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it’s over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.” — Leonard
  7. “If anyone’s interested, I’ll be spending this Valentine’s in the same way I spend every Valentine’s. Buying disoriented chicken from the supermarket, taking home, standing over the sink and eating out of the packet with my bare hands like an animal.” — Raj
  8. “You better find my husband’s mother, ’cause one way or another we’re walking out of this airport with a dead woman.” — Bernadette
  9. “What up, Shel-Bot?” — Penny
  10. “It’s a Satunalia miracle.” — Leonard
  11. “The only way she’d be able to make a contribution to science is if they resume sending chimps into space.” — Sheldon Cooper
  12. “I lost my virginity to my cousin, Jeanie. It was my Uncle Murray’s funeral, we were all back at my Aunt Barbara’s house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen. To this day, I can’t look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.” — Howard
  13. “Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.” — Raj
  14. “We’re here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman.” — Leonard
  15. “I often forget other people have limitations. It’s so sad.” — Sheldon Cooper
  16. “I haven’t cried this hard since Toy Story 3.” — Raj
  17. “Feelings? What am I? A hippy at a love-in?” — Sheldon Cooper
  18. “I told you you shouldn’t have espresso after dinner. I know the little cups make you feel big but it’s not worth it.” — Bernadette
  19. “We’re all pathetic and creepy, and can’t get girls. That’s why we fight robots.” — Barry Kripke
  20. “Gosh, Amy. I’m sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon’s work, your sex life is also theoretical?” — Bernadette
  21. “I like you a lot and that’s scary for me. Mostly because you’re a proven flight risk.” — Raj
  22. “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Aquaman sucks!” — Raj
  23. “Well, this is confusing for me. But I don’t want to stand in the way of your happiness. So, I will condemn you internally while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance.” — Sheldon Cooper
  24. “Then it’s settled. Amy’s birthday present will be my genitals.” — Sheldon Cooper
  25. “People get things they don’t deserve all the time. Like me with you.” —  Leonard (to Sheldon)

    big bang theory quotes
    Warner Bros. Television/CBS
  26. “I know the real reason you never made progress with that idea. You thought of it September 22nd, 2007. Two days later, Penny moved in and so much blood rushed to your genitals, your brain became a ghost town.” — Sheldon Cooper
  27. “You think that’s bad? In college, I passed out at a frat party and woke up with more clothes on.” — Amy
  28. “Penny. We are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms traveled fourteen billion years through time and space to create us, so that we could be together and make each other whole.” — Leonard
  29. “Oh, you’re going to jibber-jabber about jibber-jabber.” — Penny
  30. “Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met! Do you really think another transparently manipulative – Oh, it’s a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.” — Amy
  31. “I’m glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I’m glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!” — Bernadette
  32. “Yeah, I’m a freaking genius.” — Leonard
  33. “While you confront your mother about her sex life? I’d rather go back to that bar in assless chaps.” — Howard
  34. “It’s too late. He’s been murdered by someone in this room. Welcome to another classic Koothrappali murder mystery dinner.” — Raj
  35. “I’m exceedingly smart. I graduated college at fourteen. While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a Ph.D. Penicillin can’t take this away.”- Sheldon Cooper
  36. “Not really a great outfit for work unless something opens up in the hookers and whores department.” – Penny
  37. “I was thinking more of a biosocial exploration with a neurochemical overlay.” – Leonard
  38. “Well, I’m a Hindu. My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I’m reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings.” – Raj
  39. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock knock joke that starts ‘Knock Knock Knock, Amy. Knock Knock Knock, Amy. Knock Knock Knock, Amy’?” – Amy
  40. “Holy crap on a cracker.” – Penny
  41. “I’m too small for Twister. And roller coasters. And sitting with my feet on the floor. Hope you enjoyed the prenatal cigarettes, Mom.” – Bernadette
  42. “I’d like to take a moment to personally thank Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, who you may or may not know is the first woman to co-host a flag or banner related Internet infotainment show.” – Sheldon Cooper
  43. “So either one of you weirdoes want to buy my underwear? Only $1400.” – Penny
  44. “Merry Newton-mas everyone.” – Leonard
  45. “And you should pick me for Miss. California Quiznos 1999, because I want to tell you what I want, what I really really want. I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want. I wanna. I wanna. I wanna. I wanna, really, really, be the California Quiznos 1999.” – Bernadette
  46. “Wow, my boyfriend is friends with Stephen Hawking and my new dandruff shampoo doesn’t smell like tar. Everything really is coming up Amy.” – Amy
  47. “It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.” – Leonard
  48. “There’s no denying that I have feelings for you that can’t be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite, but that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.” – Sheldon Cooper
  49. “Isn’t this when he says ‘bazooka’ or something?” – Penny
  50. “If it’s ‘creepy’ to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, I’m creepy.” – HowardRelated: 100+ ‘Star Wars’ Quotes To Prove The Force Is Truly With You
  51. “12 years after high school and I’m still at the nerd table.” – Leonard
  52. “Now, when you said on the phone he broke up with a girl, you meant an actual girl? Not something you kids whipped up in a lab?” – Mary Cooper
  53. “Game over, Moonpie.” – Wil Wheaton
  54. “I would have been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.” – Sheldon Cooper
  55. “If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.” – Raj
  56. “What are ya doing there? Working on a new plan to catch the Road Runner?” – Leonard
  57. “All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up! You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.” – Penny
  58. “It would be nice to be with a man who wants to know what’s underneath my cardigan. FYI, it’s another cardigan.” – Amy
  59. “Thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.” – Sheldon Cooper
  60. “That is a good point. But I didn’t marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I’m being.” – Howard
  61. “So that means, you’re a doctor, you’re a doctor, you’re a doctor, you’re a doctor and, Howard, you know a lot of doctors.” – Penny
  62. “I’m going to be deported. Sent home in disgrace. Exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.” – Raj
  63. “And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?” – Penny
  64. “It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.” – Howard
  65. “If you’re keeping him, I’ve got a cage you can borrow. One of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck. It was both tragic and hysterical.” – Amy
  66. “I’m sorry, coffee’s out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn’t start doing drugs.” – Sheldon Cooper
  67. “No shirt, no shoes, no Sheldon.” – Penny
  68. “Sometimes your movements are so lifelike I forget you are not a real boy.” – Leonard
  69. “Raj is it? Still having trouble talking to the ladies? Because you know at our church we have a woman who’s an amazing healer. Mainly she does crutch and wheelchair people. But I bet she’d be willing to take a shot at whatever third-world demon is running around inside of you.” – Mary Cooper
  70. “Love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms- or hits you with the pepper spray.” – Howard
  71. “I love him but if he’s broken, let’s not get a new one.” – Penny (re: Sheldon)
  72. “Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.” – Sheldon Cooper
  73. “Bernadette, I want to thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honor. I also want you to know that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out.” – Amy
  74. “Sheldon doesn’t know when he’s being mean because the part of his brain that should know is getting a wedgie from the rest of his brain.” – Bernadette
  75. “I’m a vegetarian except for fish, and the occasional steak. I love steak!” – Penny

    big bang theory quotes
    Warner Bros. Television/CBS
  76. “Yeah, Mrs. Wolowitz was pretty special. When I first moved to America, Howard was my only friend, and she made me feel so welcome in her home. Which says a lot, because those first few years she thought I was the gardener.” – Raj
  77. “Penny, I told you if you don’t put him in his crate at night, he just runs around the apartment.” – Leonard
  78. “Indian Monopoly is just like regular Monopoly, but instead of money you use rupees, instead of building hotels you build call centers, and when you pick up a chance card there’s a chance you die of dysentery. And just FYI, that was racist.” – Howard
  79. “I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.” – Sheldon Cooper
  80. “Yes, yes, yes. He’s a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive?” – Barry Kripke
  81. “Oh, I get it. Like CP-3O…What happened to me?!” – Penny
  82. “Come on, do you want to sit here being a loser, or do you want to watch me climb into an Australian man’s G-string like a baby kangaroo.” – Bernadette
  83. “I promised myself if I ever got friends I’d do whatever they said. Really, I’m lucky you found me before a cult did.” – Amy
  84. “I know the feeling. It’s like accidentally walking into a gay bar and then having no one hit on you…it happened to a friend of mine.” – Raj
  85. “What did you do, Romeo? Did you pour maple syrup all over your body and ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?” – Howard
  86. “The correct animal for inter-species super soldier is the koala. You would wind up with an army so cute, it couldn’t be attacked.” – Sheldon Cooper
  87. “You can’t ruin a friendship with sex. That’s like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.” – Raj
  88. “You know people think you are this weird robot man who’s so annoying all the time and you totally are. But then it’s like that movie Wall-E at the end. You’re so full of love and you can save a plant and get fat people out of their floaty chairs.” – Penny
  89. “The only person who signed my yearbook was my mother. ‘Dear Amy, self respect and a hymen are far better than friends and fun. Love, Mom.’” – Amy

    big bang theory quotes
    Warner Bros. Television/ CBS
  90. “Okay, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather swim butt-naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you.” – Raj
  91. “Apparently you can’t hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.” – Sheldon Cooper
  92. “Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.” – Raj
  93. “Penny, you don’t want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy’s one lab accident away from being a super villain.” – Leonard
  94. “I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.” – Sheldon Cooper
  95. “It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food.” – Raj
  96. “Usually when someone’s being talked about behind their back, it’s me and it’s right in front of my face.” – Amy
  97. “But excuse me, I have something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking forward to this weekend. It was gonna be like the old days — the four of us hanging out, playing video games, before you guys all got girlfriends. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I’ll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!” – Raj
  98. “A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies ‘for you, no charge’.”- Sheldon Cooper
  99. “A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door. I wish I could tell thirteen-year-old me it does get better.” – Amy
  100. “How can I be a gynaecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!” – Raj
  101. “All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.” – Sheldon Cooper

Related: Treat Yo’ Self To 100+ ‘Parks And Recreation’ Quotes And Classic Leslie Knope Lines