Roll Out The Read Carpet For These Book Puns And Jokes

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
Book Puns and Jokes
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When you say your weekend is booked, do you mean that literally? As in, you typically spend Friday through Sunday with your nose buried in a novel? Is your idea of getting “lit” getting “lit”-erary? Hey, we think you’ve got the write stuff, baby! And since you share our love for the written word, you probably also share our love for a good laugh. Combine the two, and you’ve got book puns and jokes that’ll make all of your fellow bibliophiles laugh so hard they’ll lose their place on the page.

As any good bookworm knows, after all, there’s plenty of humor to be found in our obsession with tomes. Sure, we appreciate the more austere side of literature as well. We’re all for perusing through some solid reading quotes with our kids. And we probably couldn’t get through road trips without listening to a few excellent audiobooks. But we’re also firm believers that there’s a time and a place for comedy, too.

So, leave the poetry to the prose for now and keep reading for a few killer book-themed zingers.

Book Puns

  1. You’ve got the write stuff, baby.
  2. Never read Fitzgerald? You Gatsby kidding me!
  3. Metaphors be with you.
  4. “Never mind” — a passive-aggressive Raven.
  5. Dystopian novels are so 1984.
  6. But first, Kafka.
  7. Forever Jung.
  8. Wilde thing, I think I love you.
  9. I will Dewey decimate you.
  10. Book it to the library.
  11. Libraries are good for circulation.
  12. ISBN thinking about you.
  13. Bad spelling makes me [sic].
  14. Do you comma here often?
  15. My weekend is fully booked.
  16. Check your shelf before you wreck your shelf.
  17. I like big books and I cannot lie.
  18. This weekend is going to be LITerary.
  19. Stay true to your shelf.
  20. Leave poetry to the prose.
  21. Reading is a novel idea.
  22. I have no shelf control.
  23. Keep going — you’re on the write track!
  24. Good scribes only.
  25. Writing about time travel takes so much creativity. You have to think outside the clocks.

Book Jokes

  1. Why is John Milton a terrible guest at game nights?

Because when he’s around, there’s a pair of dice lost.

  1. What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?

Two kilo mockingbird.

  1. Why did the librarian fall down?

She was in the non-friction section.

  1. What building has the most stories?

The library.

  1. Why couldn’t the avid reader visit the world’s biggest library?

It was overbooked.

  1. Are you paying attention?

You seem a bit checked out.

  1. What does one library book say to the other?

“Can I take you out?”

  1. What’s the difference between cats and a comma?

Cats have claws at the end of their paws and commas are a pause at the end of a clause.

  1. What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms?

A thesaurus.

  1. Why do words and punctuation end up in court?

To be sentenced.

  1. What did the reader say when a book fell on their head?

“I can only blame my shelf.”

  1. What is a bee’s favorite book?

The Great Gats-bee.

  1. What’s the longest word in the dictionary?

Smiles, because there’s a mile between each s.

  1. Why couldn’t the boy put down the book about anti-gravity?

It was impossible to put down.

  1. Have you read the book about hands?

It’s a real page-turner.

  1. Why are writers so cold?

They’re surrounded by drafts.

  1. Why don’t readers have extra time?

They’re booked.

  1. What’s the best book to read whilst eating breakfast?

Much Ado About Muffin.

  1. What did people say about the book on Mount Everest?

It had quite a cliffhanger.

  1. Why are books so afraid of their sequels?

Because they always come after them!

  1. Why was the encyclopedia removed from the library?

He couldn’t control his volume.

  1. Why is a math book always unhappy?

It has so many problems.

  1. Why did the librarian retire?

To start a new chapter in life.

  1. What are the hardest books that you have to force yourself to get through?

Friction books.

  1. How do librarians flirt?

They ask for your call number.

  1. Why does a ghost need so many books?

It goes through them so quickly.

  1. What do you do if your dog starts eating a book?

You take the words right out of his mouth!

  1. Why shouldn’t you write a book on penguins?

Writing a book on paper is so much easier.

  1. What is a vampire’s favorite book?

Wuthering Bites.

  1. Why did the detective go to the library?

He wanted to check out a mystery.

  1. Why did Shakespeare always write with a pen?

Pencils were so confusing to him. “2B or not 2B?!”

  1. How many books can you fit in an empty bag?

One. After that, it’s not empty anymore.

  1. What do you say when your thesaurus is stolen?

Nothing — you’ll be lost for words.

  1. What is a car’s favorite genre?


  1. Want to hear a joke about a book?

Never mind. It’s tear-rible.

  1. What did the librarian say to someone who checked out over 100 books?

“Don’t overdue it!”

  1. What vegetables do librarians like?

Quiet peas!

  1. Why did the vampire go to the library?

He wanted to sink his teeth into a really good book.

  1. Why didn’t the burglar break into the library?

He was afraid he’d get a long sentence.

  1. Where does a librarian sleep?

Between the covers!

  1. What does a librarian take to go fishing?

Book worms.

  1. What’s the best thing to read in the woods?


  1. Why did the kid always sit in his wardrobe when reading a book?

Narnia business!

  1. What do planets like to read?

Comet books.

  1. Why did the Romanian stop reading for the night?

To give his Bucharest.

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Read Ann. Read Ann who? Read Ann-y good books lately?

  1. Why does an elephant use its trunk as a bookmark?

So it nose where it stopped reading!

  1. Do you ever feel like you spend too much time reading?

Yeah, me neither.

  1. What book did the librarian take out for her cat?

The Prince and the Paw-purr.

  1. Why do witches make the best editors?

They always run spell check.

  1. Have you read the book on teleportation?

It’ll definitely take you somewhere.

  1. Why did the dog run after the book?

He was chasing his tale.

  1. What’s a comedian’s favorite book?

The Pun Also Rises.

  1. What did one friend say to the other when she said she didn’t like Lord of the Rings?

“You don’t know what you’re Tolkien about.”

  1. Did you hear about the accountant?

He got in trouble for cooking the books.

  1. What did the frog say when it went to the library?

“Reddit, reddit!”

  1. Why did the pregnant woman shout “couldn’t, wouldn’t, and shouldn’t”?

She was having contractions.

  1. What’s the difference between a chatterbox and a dull book?

You can shut a dull book.

  1. I was dating an apostrophe, but we had to break up.

It was too possessive.

  1. Why was the high school music teacher so controversial?

For having his students read band books.

  1. What’s the best book for Halloween?

A Midsummer’s Night Scream!

  1. I’ve spent all day reading.

It was bound to happen.

  1. I got my friend to read Jane Austen.

She just needed a little Persuasion.

  1. Did the bartender tell you his favorite book?

It’s Tequila Mockingbird.

  1. Sorry, I can be a bit shelf-ish sometimes when it comes to my book collection!

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