Is there anything that can unite us faster than our shared experiences in love? Love can send you flying and love can make you flail helplessly. Almost always, though, hindsight brings humor. Need a laugh? Well, “we got jokes.” Whether you’re single or in a relationship, these love jokes are sure to crack you up.
1. Why should you never break up with a soccer player?
Because he’s probably a keeper.
3. Why should you never date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.
4. Why did the baseball player have trouble dating?
He always had a hard time getting to first base.
5. Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
6. What did the astronaut’s girlfriend say to him when he proposed in outer-space?
“I can’t breathe!”
7. Just went on a date with a welder.
Man, were the sparks flying!
8. What happens when you fall in love with a chef?
You get buttered up.
9. Why should you avoid falling in love with a pastry chef?
They’ll only dessert you.
10. What did the hopeless romantic baker say to his dough?
I knead you!
11. How do tightrope walkers find romance?
12. What happened when two vampires went on their first date?
It was love at first bite!
13. I just saw two zombies on a date.
And they say romance is dead.
14. What does a ghost call his true love?
15. What do you call two birds in love?
16. Did you hear about the porcupine who was near-sighted?
Poor fella fell in love with a pincushion.
17. The T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I love you this much” as he stretched out his arms as far as he could.
His girlfriend said, “That’s not very much.”
18. Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?
Because she was a cheetah.
19. What do you call two ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?
20. What happened when the candle went dating?
It found the perfect match.
21. What did one light bulb say to the other?
I love you watts and watts.
22. What did one pig say to the other?
Don’t go bacon my heart!
23. Is your name WI-FI because I’m sensing a strong connection?
24. Are we subatomic particles because I feel a strong force between the two of us?
25. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive.
26. What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.
27. What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day?
Happy Independence Day!
28. Knock, Knock!
Harry up and kiss me already.
29. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said, “No, wait! I can change!”
30. My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD.
I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
31. I’m pretending to be a hottie on Tindr so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over.
Hoping he’ll clean the apartment.
32. I like Jesus. But, he loves me, so it’s awkward.
33. My girlfriend say, “You act like a detective too much. I want split up.”
I said, “Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.”
34. I told my boyfriend to text me when he got home.
He must be homeless.
35. My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.
But, I laugh more.
36. Knock, knock!
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee I don’t say this, but I think I’m falling in love with you!
37. My friends laughed at me when I said I had a hot date and said that she was imaginary.
The joke is on them, though. They’re imaginary, too.
38. Love is telling someone to go to Hell but hoping they get there safely.
39. Let’s emotionally damage each other and call it love.
40. Never laugh at your SO’s choices.
You are one.
41. What’s more romantic than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
42. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
43. Love is like farting.
If you have to force it, it’s going to end in a mess.
44. Knock, knock!
Orange you going to kiss me?
45. Some say love hurts.
I say you’re probably just not using enough lube.
46. Love’s a lot like a bullet in that the exit usually causes the most damage.
47. Women fake orgasms.
Men fake whole relationships.
48. Girl, text him again.
He probably just forgot that he’s in love with you.
49. If I ever have a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s.
It’s never been used.
50. Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance.
Long story short, my girlfriend said, “no.”
52. Knock, knock!
Owl always love you.
51. My partner says I’m too skeptical.
But, I don’t believe a word they say.
52. Why do night owls enjoy breakups?
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
53. I love you more today than I did yesterday.
But that’s because yesterday I was really mad at you.
54. What did one boat say to the other?
How about a little row-mance?
55. I love you with all my butt
I’d say my heart, but my butt is bigger.
56. Knock, knock!
Olive you very much!
57. If I have to choose between men and shoes, I will always choose shoes.
They tend to last longer.
58. Why did the square break up with the circle?
She wasn’t edgy enough.
59. Knock, knock
Iguana love you forever and ever!
60. What did the guy with the broken leg say to his nurse?
I gotta crutch on you!
61. You can’t buy love, but you can pay dearly for it.
62. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
63. Why is everything I love either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?
64. Did you hear about the notebook who married the pencil?
She finally found Mr. Right/Write.
65. Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend?
He was losing interest.
66. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
67. When you are in love, it is the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
68. Knock, knock!
Juno that you’re the love of my life?
69. Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
70. They keep saying the right person will come along.
I think mine got lost.
71. My partner and I met by accident.
It all started when he backed his car into mine.
72. The funniest joke of all time is my love life.
73. My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
74. Knock, knock!
Honeydew you know how much I love you?
75. My girlfriend just told me that she didn’t care what she got for Christmas, as long as it had diamonds in it.
Looks like somebody’s getting a pack of cards.
76. Men who say a woman’s place is in the kitchen are making a big mistake.
Don’t they know that’s where the knives are kept?
77. I went on a date with a girl and told her to text me when she got home.
It’s been three weeks now and still no word. She must be homeless.
78. Knock, knock.
Mary me and let’s be together forever.
79. Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
80. You’re like dandruff. I just can’t get you off my head.
81. Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
82. I’m hungry for love and have no idea where my next male is coming from!
83. Why do men believe in love at first sight?
It saves them a ton of money.
84. Love is a lot like peeing your pants.
Only you can feel the warm sensation from such an experience.
85. How do you get a farm girl to like you?
88. You’re like asthma because you take my breath away.
89. How do you know if you’re really in love?
You don’t have to hold your farts in anymore.
90. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get out of debt with you.
91. I’m learning about important dates in history.
Wanna go on one?
92. What’s kind of Valentine’s Day candy never shows up on time?
93. If a man opens the car door for his date, you can assume one of two things must be truth.
Either the girl is new or the car is new.
94. Knock, knock
Vince sitting here all day thinking about you.
95. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was great.
96. Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry. No services today.
97. Before you decide to commit to marry someone, sit them down at a computer with a slow internet connection.
That’s when you truly see someone for who they are.
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