The Sassiest 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' Quotes That Still Slay All These Years Later

by Laura Grainger
Originally Published: 
Buffy quotes
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Ah, the 90s…a time of wearing your hair in scrunchies and butterfly clips, ensuring your Tamagotchi was fed, and fighting for the TV remote so you could watch your favorite vampire-slaying high schoolers. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was such a staple of late 90s and early 00s TV. Running for a total of seven seasons from 1997 through 2003, the supernatural drama brought as much comedy as it did jump-scares. The teen angst, a love story for the ages between Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Angel (David Boreanaz), and legit the first mention of “Googleed” on TV. And it wasn’t just stakes doing the slaying: the show was also filled with some sassy one-liners that truly cut deep.

We’ve hand-picked some of those hilariously witty Buffy the Vampire Slayer quotes and comebacks. Memorize them and you’ll have a library of words with which you can slay all day.

“Your mouth is open, sound is coming from it. This is never good.” – Buffy

“She wouldn’t even kill me. She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head, or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?” – Spike

“I’m talking! Don’t interrupt me. Insignificant man.” – Willow

“Sorry about the chains. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s…actually, it is that I don’t trust you.” – Angel

Willow: “Have you Googled her yet?”

“I thought it was gonna be like in the movies – you know, inspirational music, a montage: me sharpening my pencil, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, ’cause in my montage, I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it’s starting to hurt my occipital lobe.” – Buffy

“I hope evil takes MasterCard.” – Faith

“This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life’s like, ‘Uh-oh, pop quiz.’ Today it’s ‘Rain of Toads.'” – Xander

“Wow, it’s like, one second you were this klutzy teenager with false memories and a history of kleptomania, and then suddenly you were a hero. A hero with a much abbreviated life span.” – Anya

Giles: “You have a plan?”

Buffy: “I am the plan.”

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“You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren’t you?” – Cordelia

“Buffy, I’m just a guy. Granted, a cool and sexy vampire fighting guy, but still.” – Principal Wood

“With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it’s a wonder that there’s room for my brain.” – Spike

“They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.” – Buffy

“I like you. You’re nice, and you’re funny, and you don’t smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that’s not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month, I’m not much fun to be around either.” – Willow

“Did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today?” – Xander

“You know, I honestly don’t think there’s a human word fabulous enough for me.” – Glorificus

“We’ve got to face it, we’ve changed. Well, not you, you’re still sadistic and self-centered.” – Giles

“You gotta give me something to do. There’s no way I’m sleeping. Don’t you need anyone dead? Or maimed? I can settle for maimed.” – Faith

“I may be dead, but I’m still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.” – Buffy

“Promise to love you, to cherish you, to honor you. But not to obey you, of course, because that’s anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?” – Anya

“Just because you’re better than us doesn’t mean you can be all superior.” – Xander

“Strangely, I feel like staying at home… and doing my homework… and flossing… and dying a virgin.” – Willow

“Isn’t this usually the part where you… kick me in the head and run out, virtue fluttering?” – Spike

“I’m the thing that monsters have nightmares about.” – Buffy

“I just want to be alone and quite in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don’t even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one.” – Buffy

“A good Sunnydale rule-of-thumb? Avoid white-skinned men in capes.” – Willow

I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.” – Xander

“Anyway, for real now, I’m gonna ask you something, and you gotta promise you’ll be honest and not spare my feelings just ’cause I could kill you. You promise?” – Faith

“Power. I have it. They don’t. This bothers them.” – Buffy

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