Life Would Succ Without These 55+ Super-Sharp Cactus Puns And Jokes

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Cactus Puns and Jokes
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In case you missed it, house plants are having a bit of a moment. We enjoy printing out and filling in plant coloring pages. We download apps that remind us when to feed and water our plant bebes. And, yup, we even give our little green children cutesy plant names. Among all the house plants that have spiked (hehe) in popularity over the past few years, cactus and succulents must be near the top. Why not, right? They’re hardy and cute — not to mention, they make for some really pricklin’ funny cactus puns and jokes.

Before we get into those zingers, though, let’s take a minute to appreciate a few interesting facts about the humble cactus plant. According to Brittanica, there are nearly 2,000 species of cacti spanning 139 genera. You can find these prickly beauties in many parts of North and South America, as far north as British Columbia and Alberta, Canada, and as far south as Chile and Argentina. Another remarkable cactus fact? Members of the genus Rhipsalis are possibly Old World natives and can be found in East Africa, Madagascar, and Sri Lanka.

So, now, let us get to the point (#CactusPuns4Life). We dug up a slew of super-fun cactus puns and jokes — along with succulent puns and jokes — sure to prick your interest.

RELATED: Free Cactus And Succulent Coloring Pages That Are On Point

Perfectly Prickly Cactus Puns

  1. You’re lookin’ sharp.
  2. You prickle my fancy.
  3. I’m stuck on you.
  4. Life would succ without you.
  5. We make a prickly pear.
  6. I’d never desert you.
  7. Let’s stick together.
  8. These cactus puns are totally on point.
  9. Party your cac-tush off!
  10. We wish you a merry cactmus.
  11. Have a fancactus New year!
  12. Grab life by the thorns.
  13. Chicks before pricks.
  14. Cactus makes perfect.
  15. I can be a little prickly.
  16. Let me get to the point.
  17. I’m on pins and needles over here.
  18. Prick up the pieces.
  19. I’m in quite the prickle.
  20. ‘Sup, succa.
  21. Never drought my love for you.
  22. I’m getting up to scratch.

Super-Sharp Cactus Jokes

  1. What did one cactus say to the other?

“Stick with me — we’ll go places.”

  1. Why did the cactus cross the road?

It got stuck to the chicken.

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Needles. Needles who? Needles and pins.

  1. What did one cactus say to the fancy cactus?

“You’re lookin’ sharp!”

  1. Why do coyotes howl in the night?

They can only see the cacti in the day.

  1. What did the cactus say when he was robbing the bank?

“Stick ’em up!”

  1. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

“Is that you, Dad?”

  1. What does a cactus wear to a business meeting?

A cac-tie.

  1. What do you call a cactus on a plane?

A cactus — it doesn’t matter where it is, it’s still a cactus!

  1. What did the happy cactus say to the grumpy cactus?

“Don’t be so prickly.”

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Great things. Great things who? Great things come in spiny packages.

  1. Is there something wrong with your cactus?

“Yes, but I can’t put my finger on it.”

  1. What should you say if you bump into a cactus?


  1. What’s the one job you should never give a cactus at your birthday party?

Blowing up the balloons.

  1. Why is it so hard to come up with a cactus joke?

It’s a thorny problem.

  1. What do you call it when a whole bunch of cactus fall over?

A cac-tas-trophy.

  1. What did the little cacti say to the big cactus when they were running away?

“Cactus if you can!”

  1. Where does the head of all the cacti keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Saguaro. Saguaro who? Saguaro you today?

  1. There are two balloons in the desert. One says, “Look out for that cactus!”

The other goes, “What cactuussssssssss….”

  1. I dropped my cactus the other day. The worst part?

I caught it.

  1. Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus?

They say its bark is worse than its bite.

  1. Customer: “How much for the goth cucumber?”

Clerk: “That’s a cactus.”

  1. What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?

A mega-lo-sore-arse.

  1. What do you call a lot of cactus?

A cac-ton.

  1. What do you call a pig stuck in a cactus?

A porcupine.

  1. What did the food critic call the cactus pie?

A succulent meal.

  1. I ate a cactus today…

It had a sharp taste.

  1. What does a cactus smell like when you get too close?


  1. What do you call a succulent in the Hunger Games?

Cactus Everdeen.

  1. If one cacti is a cactus, is a single broccoli a brocculus?

Just some food for thought.

  1. What do you call a pineapple with no yellow part?

A cactus.

  1. “Gary, you need to be less selfish. Remember, it’s cact-us.”

“Actually, sweetie, the plural is cact-I.”

  1. What do you call a rude cactus?

A prick.

  1. Now, I’m no cactus expert…

But I know a prick when I see one.

  1. Why didn’t the cactus have friends?

He was a bit prickly.

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Not a cactus because cacti can’t knock.

  1. How did the cactus know all the answers to the test?

He was a sharp guy.

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