Demi Lovato Has A Message For Fans Who Accidentally Misgender Them

by Christina Marfice
Emma McIntyre/Getty

Demi Lovato just let their fans know it’s “okay” to make mistakes with their gender because it’s “all about your intention”

In May, Demi Lovato came out as non-binary and announced that their pronouns are they and them. Since then, the singer has seen a lot of support, but also misgendering from people like the paparazzi (whom Lizzo was kind enough to educate). Now, Demi is taking to Twitter with an important message for their fans that’s full of grace for those who are trying, but struggling, with a brand new set of pronouns.

“I felt the need to post this because I often find that the change in pronouns can be confusing for some, and difficult to remember for others,” Lovato wrote. “It’s all about your intention. It’s important to me that you try, but if you make a mistake, it’s okay.”

Lovato posted that message alongside a text photo, which read, “If you misgender me – that’s okay!”

It continued, “I accidentally misgender myself sometimes! It’s a huge transition to change the pronouns I’ve used for myself my entire life. And it’s difficult to remember sometimes!”

Lovato added, “As long as you keep trying to respect my truth, and as long as I remember my truth, the shift will come naturally… I’m just grateful for your effort in trying to remember what means so much to my healing process.”

This message is so important. While addressing people in our lives by their correct pronouns is absolutely necessary, it’s to be expected that, when adjusting to new pronouns for someone you’ve known for a long time, you’ll probably make a mistake now and then. It’s OK! We all make mistakes. What’s important is to keep trying, keep working on remembering, and respect people if they ever correct you about their pronouns — don’t make a huge deal out of the mistake, just correct yourself and move on.

Lovato’s statement shows the kind of grace we should all be affording each other. Humans and their sexuality and gender expression and sense of self — it’s all kind of messy. That’s what makes it beautiful, but also part of what can make it hard. If we all approach each other with this attitude — that we’ll try our best but be forgiving when we make genuine mistakes — it will make transitions like Demi’s (and like that non-binary person’s in your own life) so much smoother.