Best part about getting older is enjoying lascivious content we would have gotten in trouble for back in high school. We’re talking dirty knock knock jokes, dirty jokes, and sex jokes that would have gotten us at least a week’s worth of detention. Well, now there’s a new genre to enjoy, dirty riddles with completely innocent answers.
Stump your friends and see who has the absolute dirtiest mind with our roundup of the best riddles with filth from the darkest corner of the internet.
1. What’s a four-letter word that ends in “k” and means the same as intercourse? Talk.
2. I come in a lot of different sizes. Sometimes, I drip a little. If you blow me, it feels really good. What am I? Your nose.
3. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I? A tent.
4. What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands? A fork.
5. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I? An elevator.
6. I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I? Peanut butter.
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s is really long. Michael J. Fox’s is short. Daffy Duck’s isn’t human. Madonna doesn’t have one. What am I? A last name.
8. I start with a “p” and ends with “o-r-n,” and I’m a major player in the film industry. What am I? Popcorn.
9. When I go in, I can cause some pain. I’ll fill your holes when you ask me to. I also ask that you spit, and not swallow. What am I? Your dentist.
10. I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I? A crane.
11. What’s beautiful and natural, but gets prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly? The lawn.
12. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked? A seatbelt.
13. What does a dog do that a man steps into? Pants.
14. Name a word that starts with “f” and ends with “u-c-k”? Firetruck!
15. My business is briefs. I’m a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What am I? A lawyer.
16. I’m great for protection. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I? Gloves.
17. I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I? A bowling ball.
18. What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes? Erasers.
19. It’s a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it? Facebook.
20. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow? Toothpaste.
21. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.
22. It’s a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it?
23. What’s most useful when it’s long and hard?
24. What do you wrap your mouth around every morning and night and leaves you feeling refreshed?
25. A lot of people like these to be as long as possible, but short ones can be effective, and it’s definitely possible for them to be too long. What are they?
26. What does a woman have two of the a cow has four of?
27. Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Your wedding band.
28. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.
29. I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?
A bowling ball.
30. What’s long and hard when it’s young and soft and small when it’s old?
31. What’s hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with a “c” and ends with a “t”?
32. I go in hard, come out soft, and you love to blow me. What am I?
33. What’s at least six inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun when it vibrates?
An electric toothbrush.
34. You play with it at night and it vibrates, what is it?
A cell phone.
35. They come in different sizes, if it’s cold they drip, and if you blow it it feels so good. What is it?
36. You truly enjoy this when you spread it. What is it?
37. You can’t taste it unless you undress it, what is it?
38. What does a bride get on her wedding day that’s long and sometimes hard?
A new last name.
39. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
40. What goes in dry and hard, but comes out wet and soft?
41. What do you insert in a small hole and twist all the way around?
42. What’s the speed limit of sex?
68; at 69 you have to turn around.
43. What is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and everyone goes crazy over?
A $100 bill.
44. What is 6 inches long, sweet on the lips, and goes down better with butter?
Corn on the cob.
45. What is super hard and goes into a tiny hole?