Let’s be real: life can be hard. Sometimes you need a little humor to get you through the day. Laughter is the best medicine, after all! But some of us have a slightly more twisted sense of humor than others. Is there anything funnier than some NSFW jokes that get you laughing when you shouldn’t? We don’t think so, and that’s why we’ve compiled a list of funny dirty jokes that’ll have you struggling to keep a straight face.
Plenty on this hilariously inappropriate list are sex jokes and dirty riddles that are totally inappropriate for kids. (So, yeah, keep them away from kids.) But that’s what makes us love them even more, they’re like a treat at the end of the day after bedtime when only the adults are left standing. Start practicing your poker face, because these jokes and one-liners tend to stick in the brain and we’ve brought out the big guns with some dirty knock knock jokes. No reading this bunch before any big board meetings, unless you want to get a fit of giggles midway through. Read on to see our favorites.
1. Why did the ketchup blush?
He saw the salad dressing.
2. What did the elephant ask the naked man?
How do you breathe out of that thing?
3. How do you make your husband scream during sex?
Call him and let him hear it.
4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
She outgrew her b-shells!
5. How is life like toilet paper?
You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
6. What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A man will actually search for a golf ball.
8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball?
9. How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard.
10. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
11. What’s a 6.9?
Another great thing screwed up by a period.
12. How did you quit smoking?
I decided to smoke only after sex.
13. What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
14. Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina?
Nevermind. You’ll never get it!
15. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat me!
16. Having sex in an elevator is wrong.
On so many levels.
17. Why is masturbation just like procrastination?
It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.
18. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.
19. What kind of bees make milk?
20. Knock, knock!
Open the door and find out, asshole!
21. Knock, knock!
22. Knock, knock.
Not someone who?
Not someone who will get you laid.
23. Knock, Knock!
Dewey see a condom? It’s dark in here!
24. Knock, knock.
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
You eat your poo?! Gross!
25. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a clitoris?
Guys don’t care.
26. What did the boyfriend say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion?
“It’s not what it looks like!”
26. What do clowns get turned on by? Balloon blow up dolls.
27. What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Slow down and use some lubricant.
28. What do you call the method of masturbating while eating Oreos? Cookies and cream.
29. Did you hear about the man who got turned into a giant penis?
He was a real dick about it.
30. What does a horny frog say?