Who doesn’t love a deliciously dirty and NSFW joke?! If you’re in the mood to laugh, these 32 sex jokes and dirty riddles will keep you up all night — laughing. And while you’re at it, check out our dick, boob, fart, and poop jokes.
1) Masturbating is for dicks.
2) What did the penis say to the vagina?
Don’t make me cum in there!
3) Why did the dick go crazy?
Someone was messing with his head.
4) What’s another name for a diaphragm?
A trampoline for dicks.
5) What did the banana tell the vibrator?
You’re the one shaking?! I’m about to get eaten!
6) What does Popeye use as lubricant?
7) Why is Santa’s sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
8) What’s better than pansies on a piano?
Tulips on your organ!
9) What did the penis say to the condom?
Cover me, I’m going in.
10) Why is winning the lottery like having sex with triplets?
With both you can say you’ve had six identical balls.
11) What did Adam say to Eve?
Stand back. I don’t know how big this thing’s gonna grow.
12) What does a penis and a Rubik’s cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
13) My girlfriend told me she always smokes after sex.
I told her we should maybe use some lube next time.
14) What’s the one difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb.
You can unscrew the lightbulb.
15) Why did Popeye punch the Pope?
He heard he went to Mount Olive.
16) I just had sex in an elevator.
It was great on so many levels.
17) What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
18) What did the woman say when her boyfriend cried after sex?
“I had you pegged for someone else.”
19) What the difference between a leopard a sex worker? Have you ever seen a leopard with a prostitute print g-string?
20) My wife says if 1000 people upvote this joke, she’ll try anal right then and there.
So don’t vote until Tuesday. She’s on a business trip.
21) After a decade, the police are still in pursuit of the Viagra thief. He’s just so hard to catch.
22) Convincing my lover to take viagra was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
23) I decided to stop masturbating. It wasn’t that hard.
24) My girlfriend asked me to yell out dirty things during sex, so I said, “The laundry! The kitchen! The bathroom!”
25) Everybody knows Eve wore a fig leaf. But what did Adam wear? A hole in it!
26) We’ve just gotten into Tantric sex. It’s been a long time coming!
27) What do bridge and sex have in common?
If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a really good hand!
28) Life is like a penis.
Often hard for no reason!
29) Why is a one night stand like a snow storm?
You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
30) How do people in a long distance relationship get laid?
They have a sex drive.
31) What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
The sex drive.
32) I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
33) My wife told me that sex is better on vacation.
It wasn’t the best postcard I’ve ever received.