It’s breakfast time. Or, better yet, you’re having breakfast for dinner. There’s a lull in conversation. Your Pokémon-obsessed seven-year-old is opening her mouth to say something. Oh no! Your perfect family meal is about to descend into chaos. You and you alone can rescue this meal (and your family) from a Squirtle spiral. All you need? Some timely and slightly funny jokes. Sure, you could go the way of telling just about any silly little joke. But, why go down that spiral when there’s a whole platter of egg-cellent egg puns and jokes that desperately need to be shared? Egg-centric egg puns and jokes are exactly what your family mealtime needs. We, of course, are here to deliver. You’re welcome, Mama.
Best Egg Jokes
1. Why did the new egg feel so good?
Because he just got laid!
2. What did the doctor tell the chicken with high cholesterol?
“Try to lay off eggs for a while!”
3. What do you call a smart omelet?
An egg head!
4. How did the omelet find out she was ill?
She had a medical eggs-am!
5. How do chickens stay fit?
6. Where can you go to learn more about eggs?
7. How do you make an egg roll?
Just give it a little push!
8. What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
9. What did the egg say after it was ghosted?
Why the hell are you egg-noring me?
10. Why should you be careful about what you say around egg whites?
Everyone knows they can’t take a yolk.
11. What does Mr. Egg say every morning to Mrs. Egg?
“Have an eggs-tra special day!”
12. Why do so many people love a boiled egg for breakfast?
It’s so hard to beat.
13. Did you hear about the hen who laid her egg on an axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
14. What do you call an egg who likes to go on safari?
15. What did the egg say after someone bumped into her?
16. Why wouldn’t the farmer let the hen in his house?
She kept laying deviled eggs!
17. Why did it take the chicken so long to cross the road?
There was no eggs-press lane!
18. What’s the worst crime as far as an egg is concerned?
19. What do you call a mischievous egg?
A practical yolker!
20. How does the Easter Bunny feel after she’s made all her deliveries?
21. Why did the egg regret being in an omelet?
It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be!
22. Why did the egg fail its driving test?
He liked to egg-celerate too much!
23. What was the motivation egg speaker’s slogan?
Sunny side up!
24. What did Snow White name her hen?
25. What did the hen say to her chick?
“Don’t you egg-nore me!”
26. What did the angry hen say to her child?
You’re such a rotten egg!
27. Why did the man steal his eggs?
He liked ’em poached.
28. What is an egg’s least favorite day of the week?
29. Why did the rooster ask the hen out on a date?
He was feeling plucky!
30. What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
31. What did the egg say after acing its test?
“Omelet smarter than I look!”
32. What did the officer say to the egg after he pulled it over for speeding?
Omelettin’ it slide this time.
33. How did the hen get to work so fast?
She used the eggs-press lane!
34. What sport are eggs best at?
35. What’s an egg’s favorite type of coffee?
36. Why were the eggs running so fast?
They were afraid of being beaten!
37. Why did the celebrity egg start losing her friends?
They called her a shell-out.
38. How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
39. Why was the egg late for school?
He didn’t study for the eggs-am.
40. What did the egg say about escaping the chef?
“I might whisk it and run!”
41. How do monsters like their eggs?
42. Why were the eggs running so fast?
They were afraid of being beaten!
43. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
44. Why did the Easter egg hide?
He was a little chicken!
45. What happened to the chicken at school?
He was eggs-pelled!
46. Why did the egg cross the road?
To get to the Shell station!
47. How do you know if a chef is mean?
He beats all the eggs.
48. Who tells the best eggs puns?
49. How did the chicken feel after a long day on the farm?
50. Don’t I have the best egg puns?
I can be a real comedi-hen.
51. Have you done something different with your hair?
You look eggs-traordinary!
52. What do you call eggs that snooze on the job?
53. I saw an egg behaving really weirdly today.
He must have been really egg-centric.
54. I saw a sign earlier that said, ‘Free Range Eggs.’ I’ve never heard of Range Eggs before, but at least they were free to take.
55. I’ve decided to put my eggs all in one basket. I’m just tired of looking silly walking around the supermarket.
56. An egg walked into a bar and cracked a joke.
He left behind a real mess.
57. I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs. Now I can’t find them.
I think they’ve been mislaid.
58. Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
59. A boy walks into a house with a fried egg on his head.
The mom asks, “Why have you got a fried egg on your head?”
The boy replies, “Because boiled eggs fall off.”
60. I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, “Let me give you a bit of advice. You can’t make an omelet…”
“Without breaking eggs?” I finished for him.
“No. You can’t make an omelet,” he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
61. Why did the eggs go to school?
So that they could become egg-ucated.
62. What is an egg’s favorite tree?
The might y-oak.
63. How do you know when it’s too hot in the barn?
The hens start laying hard-boiled eggs.
64. Where do penguins keep all of their chilled eggs?
Inside of an egg-loo.
65. Why did the mother hen rinse out her chick’s mouth with soap?
He was using fowl language.
66. What do you call a city with 25 million eggs?
New Yolk City.
67. Why don’t dinosaurs lay eggs?
68. Do you know any good egg jokes?
I’ve got a dozen of ’em.
69. What does a demonic hen lay?
70. A piece of toast and a hard-boiled egg walked into a bar…
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
71. What’s a hen’s favorite shopping company?
72. What does a meditating egg say?
73. Who wrote the book Great Egg-spectations?
74. What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
75. What do you call an egg that refuses to come out of its shell?
76. Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
77. How do chickens get stronger and stronger?
They egg-cersize every day.
78. Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yokes!
79. Did you try the digital egg padlock?
It’s very easy to crack the code.
80. Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course?
Because he wanted them par-dboiled.
Funniest Egg Puns
When you’re ready to give the jokes a break, we gathered a bunch of puns from around the internet to help make you the life of the party. You’ll probably get eye rolls at work, but your kids are the audience that matters and they will applaud your egg-cellent creativity. See what we did there?
- Omelettin’ this slide
- Shell shock
- Don’t yolk with me
- I might whisk it! Whisk it good!
- You’re poaching my best yolks
- You’re such a rotten egg
- Happy Fry-day!
- Don’t be such a chicken
- You’re so hard-boiled
- Are you egg-noring me?
- Stay on the sunny side up
- That’s cracking
- Don’t you like my egg-cellent jokes?
- Let’s hatch a plan.
- You’re such a practical yolker!