From The Confessional: We Want Good (Dirty) Sex

Originally Published: 

The narrative that men are supposed to be the aggressors and women are supposed to wait to be approached to have sex is a little long in the tooth. We are in a time when women are finding their voice, touching their vaginas, and not afraid to ask for what they want.

And thank God for that. I mean, have you ever been lying on your back while someone is trying to please you orally and they are missing the mark? All we have to do is speak up and say, “Could you move more to the right?” Or, “Faster,” “Harder,” anything that will help our partner out. But I know so many women (myself included) who have been shy about speaking up.

I always felt a bit ashamed for wanting to be spanked, have my hair pulled, and ask for some roughness in bed. I need dirty talk, I like to be the submissive one, and if my partner is having sex with me and then leaving me orgasm-less, I’m gonna say something the first time it happens.

No, it’s not only about women — we like to please our partners. But I’m sorry, if I’m not getting mine, then I’m not willing to suck your D whenever you want it sucked, or have sex with you so you can get your rocks off and I can be left with woman-wood while I try to fall asleep.

I confessed to hubby I wanted to be gangbanged... he confessed he wants me to peg him and that he is bisexual. The conversation went well....

Confessional #25808690

See what happens when you express what you want? It makes your partner feel comfortable enough to open up and say what they would like too. Of course you both have to be comfortable with the requests and trust each other enough to experiment, but talking is a great way to start. And it’s also a fantastic form of foreplay.

Told H to start trying more. More romance, more is time. More sex! I know it’s hard with a toddler, but I’m starting to feel like a shell of a person. And guess what, he’s trying. I hope this lasts.

Confessional #25807521

This is so hard to talk about, but it happens after we turn into mothers. We need other things to get us primed for sex. It’s okay, it’s normal, and the best feeling is when you have a husband who wants to do those things with you instead of simply expecting it. Ladies, don’t be afraid to ask for what you need outside of the bedroom to get you ready for a good romp session.

I’m 50 and having the best sex of my life!

Confessional #25806343

I feel this. It can take women time to get to know what they like. I know in my 20s, certain things got the job done, but I was always left wanting more. Once you get to know yourself, realize your worth, and aren’t afraid to speak up, asking for what you want in bed usually leads to mind-blowing sex.

If it's my first time with a guy and he doesn't reciprocate oral, I stand up and leave. I tell them why too. They always seem super upset. Don't care. If he's selfish from the getgo, NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE.

Confessional #25808098

Tired of men not knowing how to lick pussy. You’re gonna get the tap on the head. Take a fucking class.

Confessional #25807924

I support this message. I also think there are a few things you can do here (if you want). You can talk them through it while they are down there in a sexy or dirty way so not to kill the mood. You can have a talk afterwards and tell them what you did like and express you want more of that. And you can also send them articles or a porn clip featuring something you really want to have them try on you.

My BFF gave me a great idea. She know my sex life sucks right now. We were discussing how we read lady porn. She told me to screenshot the good parts and send it to DH

Confessional #25805459

As a divorced woman in her 40s who has been dating for the past four years with “experienced” men (ahem), I can honestly say there are a lot of them out there who have never had someone show them the way. No, it’s not your job to teach a class if you don’t want to. However, it can be incredibly empowering and sexy to talk about it.

And if that doesn’t work, yeah, it will probably never change and you’ll always feel unfulfilled.

I think women should live together/build families together and have men on the side for fucking.

Confessional #25807921

My divorced mom friends talk about this each time we see each other. Damn, we could rule the world.

I think I helped him through a tough period and we somehow connected. For me, that's so hot. It's like we had mental sex. I want him so much more.

Confessional #25806054

So many times having a strong connection outside the bedroom is what can make it a steam-fest once you are under the sheets. We can’t just say what we want in bed, we have to be honest about the kind of relationship we want outside of the bedroom too.

Can’t wait for our weekend getaway...looking forward to getting high and freaky sex with the couple DH and I are going with!

Confessional #25804445

Found out sex with DH watching is just so much better. What a great weekend!

Confessional #25804891

I love being called a dirty slut during sex.

Confessional #25804456

And there should be zero shame in saying anything of this out loud.

After 16 years, DH and my sexual relationship have gotten more frequent and kinky than ever before. I hope we are the nasty old couple still experimenting at the retirement home!

Confessional #25804937

Who says your sex life has to fizzle? This is a great example of communicating what you want and feeling comfortable enough to let your freak flag fly. It’s like a muscle; the more you use it and talk about what you want, the easier it gets.

Forget the days of the past when women felt like sex was all about, well, just intercourse. We are allowed to be as kinky, or vanilla as we want. We need to realize no one knows what we need sexually more than we do. And just like every other need we have, it needs to be expressed, talked about … and fulfilled. We owe it to ourselves!

This article was originally published on