There are lots of things veteran moms warn us about when it comes to motherhood. Our bodies will change—our hips, our boobs, our faces, our butts. We won’t sleep (for real) for like a decade at least. We’ll likely be broke for a long-ass time because diapers are expensive AF, and after diapers comes kids’ sports, school supplies, and bigger grocery bills. And, it will be damn-near impossible to go anywhere, at least until you’re out of the toddler years.
But did anyone warn you about being “touched out”? I had no idea how hard this part of motherhood was going to be. After spitting out three babies in rapid-fire succession, a small person was either growing inside my body, feeding from my body, or climbing on my body every single minute of every single day for six consecutive years. And even today, now that they’re older, I still feel touched out some days after having to meet everyone’s needs from the minute one eye opens until I tuck the last one in, and some nights, I don’t have it in me to snuggle anyone at bedtime.
Our confessional is chock-full of similar sentiments from touched-out moms. You’ll read about moms with babies, moms with toddlers, breastfeeding moms, potty-training moms, and moms stuck in the house on month 11 of quarantine. And, of course, moms whose spouses or partners come around with feely hands wanting some love, when the thing we need most is time. to. ourselves.
Confessional #18589028“Twins cluster breastfeeding. Toddler super clingy. Husband wants to cuddle and make out. I’m exhausted and touched out. Don’t fucking touch me.”
Confessional #1752054“DD5 mo is teething and is bfing for comfort every 30 min, won't let me put her down. I'm so touched out!!! I just want a bottle of wine and a shower.”
Confessional #21334003“Breastfeeding is draining the life out of me. My 10 week old screams bloody murder when we even bring the bottle near him. I’m so tired, and touched out. Also have a 2.5 yo. Need a break.”
Confessional #1665121“My baby is 4 weeks old. DH keeps bugging me for sexytime. I tell him I'm tired and touched out from nursing, so he waits an hour to bring it up again. I'd be annoyed if I wasn't so tired.”
Breastfeeding will make you feel touched out in ways you never anticipated. There’s another human being literally sucking the life out of you, and especially if baby is cluster-feeding, or if you have multiples, you’re never ever (EVER) alone.
Confessional #25781259“my temper is on a short fuse and even though my daughter is 4 and I should be teaching her things given the fact that I am not meeting my hours working from home, I am just so lazy and just want to be left alone. I'm touched out”
Confessional #19127382“I have 3 DC that want to be on top of me ALL THE TIME and a DH who flourishes with physical touch. I am so beyond touched out!”
Confessional #14481411“My kid runs past the bathroom to tell me to my face that he has to go to the bathroom. This is why I’m ehausted and touched out by 9am.”
Confessional #8980951“I've started telling my kids when I'm touched out. I need them to understand that I'm a person , with my own needs and boundaries.”
Then those babies grow into toddlers, 3-year-olds, 4-year-olds, but they still don’t leave you alone. They still need Mommy to get everything for them, do everything for them, hold them, wipe them, feed them. And even after you’ve done allllll the things, they still want to be touching you every second they’re awake (or asleep).
Confessional #8768151“I am so touched out. I actually cried today because my kids wouldn't leave me alone. Motherhood sucks”
Confessional #7545348“Walking out to the mailbox alone is the only time in my day I get a break from my children. SAHM, and I'm so touched out, burnt out, and exhausted. No one takes me serious when I say I'm losing it.”
Confessional #1760927“Last night I cried silently next to my 3yo while she fell asleep. So touched out. This morning she didn't even leave me alone long enough to change my pad.”
Being truly touched out and having zero minutes to ourselves can break us. If you find yourself raging, or crying, or both, we get it.
Confessional #25776637“How does anybody find time for intimacy again after having a baby? Once DS is down I am all touched out, need a shower, or need to catch up on some (work-) emails or I just need a break.I need to be relaxed to be intimate but I’m never relaxed anymore!”
Confessional #20657889“I am touched out. When my husband tries to kiss or grope me, it makes my skin crawl and my throat close up. Intense feelings of rage. I want to run away and hide in a hotel by myself for a week.”
Confessional #16001377“I wish I could switch bodies with my husband for a day so he could experience the exhausted "touched out" state of it. Maybe then he'd get why I reject sex so often. Its not him; its exhausted touch-out.”
Confessional #9139823“I pretend to be annoyed that my period last 2 weeks every month, but I actually love it cuz DH leaves me the fuck alone. Sorry dude but I'm so touched out, I'd just rather not even have sex.”
So yeah, when our SO is hinting around at sexy time or tries to sneak a kiss or butt grab, we snap. Because OMG can we just get a second of no one touching us PLEASE.
Turns out, being touched out is a huge part of motherhood for so many of us. Especially if you’re stuck in the house all day long with tiny humans pawing at your body all the damn day. So no, we won’t need more pawing from our partners too. We need them to take the kids for the entire day so we can hide in our rooms and read or binge Netflix or do anything really that doesn’t involve another human. Then, after we’ve reclaimed our personal space and bodily autonomy a bit, maybe we’ll be in the mood, mkay?