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50 Funny Mother’s Day Quotes, Because Sometimes Motherhood Is A Laughing Matter

Yep, these track.

Funny Mother's Day quotes are guaranteed to put a smile on Mom's face.

Everyone’s on the same page when it comes to moms, right? Every day is technically Mother’s Day. Even though there’s only one calendar day devoted to them, moms make life awesome 24/7/365. So, sure, shower yours with gifts. Cue up her favorite true-crime show and make her sit down long enough to get through more than one episode. Or take her out to finally try that art class she’s been talking about for months. But however you decide to celebrate Mom this year, funny Mother’s Day quotes should make a cameo.

Motherhood is pretty damn comical, after all. Not always intentionally, but it’s definitely filled with moments that would crack anyone up. Moms might not laugh about some of these moments when they’re happening, but that just seems to make them even funnier after the fact. Being a mom provides all kinds of comedic fodder: diaper blowouts, silly things kids say, sleep deprivation, pretty much the entirety of tweendom. So, quotes that capture that laughable chaos remind Mom she’s part of a pretty special community.

Use these quotes as fillers for Mother’s Day cards or captions for Instagram, and put a huge smile on your mom’s face.

Funny Mother’s Day Quotes That Just Get It

  1. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” — Michelle Pfeiffer
  2. “If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man… and by ‘party,’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.’” — Olivia Wilde
  3. “It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” — Dorothy, The Golden Girls
  4. “My 11yo wrote me an apology for misbehaving in the car that included ‘I love you so much but sometimes forget to care about your existence.’” — @Manda_like_wine
  5. “Motherhood: It takes patience, humor, and a lot of wet towelettes.” — Unknown
  6. “I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.” — Unknown
  7. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” — Calvin Trillin
  8. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” — Erma Bombeck
  9. “There’s something really empowering about going, ‘Hell, I can do this! I can do this all!’ That’s the wonderful thing about mothers, you can because you must, and you just do.” — Kate Winslet
  10. “To be honest, I’m just winging it. Life, motherhood, my eye liner. Everything.” — Unknown
  11. “If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘Keep away from children.’” — Susan Savannah
  12. “Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.” — Harriet Beecher Stowe
  13. “Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.” — Unknown
  14. “Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?” — Alyson Hannigan
  15. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” — Lane Olinghouse
  16. “Over the years, I learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, the joining of which obligates one to relinquish all claims to personal possessions.” — Nancy Stahl
  17. “Honey, I’m your mother. It’s my job to strong-arm people into seeing how amazing you are.” — Beverly Goldberg, The Goldbergs
  18. “Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious.” — Unknown
  19. “Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.” — Tina Fey
  20. “No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.” — Chrissy Teigen
  21. “Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.” — Unknown
  22. “I’ve conquered a lot of things… blood clots in my lungs, twice… kneed and foot surgeries… winning Grand Slams being down match point… to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!” — Serena Williams
  23. “It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want. Like a bottle of wine out of macaroni.” — Unknown
  24. “I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” — Reese Witherspoon
  25. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
  26. “I see all these moms who can do everything, and I think… I should have them do some stuff for me.” — @NotSalmon
  27. “Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” — Nia Vardalos
  28. “A mother is the person you can always call to see how long chicken lasts in the fridge.” — Unknown
  29. “You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” — Jennifer Garner
  30. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” — Milton Berle
  31. “You know you’re a mom when you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was cold.” — Unknown
  32. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” — Erma Bombeck
  33. “Mother (n): One person who does the work of 20. For free. See also: saint, Wonder Woman.” — Unknown
  34. “Children are a great comfort in your old age — and they help you reach it faster, too.” — Lionel Kauffman
  35. “A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.” — Peter de Vries
  36. “Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we’ve ever met.” — Marguerite Duras
  37. “My nickname is ‘Mom.’ But my full name is ‘Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.’” — Unknown
  38. “An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.” — Spanish proverb
  39. “Raising kids is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.” — Unknown
  40. “Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.” — Dave Berry
  41. “I am sure that if the mothers and various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.” — E.M. Forster
  42. “The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.” — Jane Sellman
  43. “I’m not really a mama bear. I’m more of a mama llama. Like, I’m pretty chill, but I’ll kick you in the face if you screw with my kids.” — Scary Mommy
  44. “Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half. An M&M. In half.” — @ValeeGrrl
  45. “I was so cute when I thought I was tired before I had kids. So cute.” — Unknown
  46. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” — Nora Ephron
  47. “Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” — @SarcasticMommy
  48. “I’m a mom. I have a right to be lazy and braless whenever I find time to be.” — Meraki Mother
  49. “Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.” — One Project Closer
  50. “Behind every great child is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it all up.” — Unknown