Hate, Hate, Hate, Double Hate

Let The Grinch Answer Your Door(bell) This Holiday Season

"A visitor? To THIS house?!"

As part of their new holiday "Quick Replies," Ring has launched Grinch messages.

'Tis the season for good cheer, sure. But not everyone is as happy and light-hearted as a Who around the holidays. Some of us would do better alone on Mount Crumpit. (Both are OK, as long as you're not trying to steal Christmas from everyone else!) Whether you're feeling like the only fuzzy green guy in your own personal Whoville Hell, can’t get enough of classic holiday movies, or simply love a curmudgeonly fella named the Grinch, you'll feel like Christmas came early for you this year: Ring just dropped a bunch of "Quick Reply" doorbell options featuring none other than the mean, green guy himself.

Can't — or *won't* — come to the door this holiday season? There's a Quick Reply for that. Even if you're on your way to the door but know it'll take a few minutes to get there, you've got options. Ring just launched six very funny and very Grinch-y doorbell voice mails, so to speak, that play whenever someone pushes that reliable blue-lit circle. They're perfect for even the happiest Who or the baddest banana with the greasiest black peel.

Sure, you could leave up the usual chime noise or merely replace it with more festive sleigh bells. But... why do something so basic when you could just as easily let The Grinch answer your door? It's unclear if he recorded these before or after his heart grew three sizes, but each response is filled with the same sassy and surly tone you'd expect from Christmastime's favorite nasty, wasty skunk.

If you suspect the voice sounds familiar but not an exact match for Jim Carrey or Boris Karloff, you're spot on — there's a new Grinch in town! Saturday Night Live's Jame Austin Johnson currently voices the Grinch in the new podcast from Wondry, 'Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast. Amazon collaborated with the hit podcast and Johnson to develop the six unique responses. They're all so quintessentially Grinch-ly that they'll put termites in your smile.

Your options, as sweet as a seasick crocodile, include:

  1. "Huh? A Visitor? To THIS house? MAX! Should I scare them away? (Dog Barks) Ughhh, fine... you're no fun. They'll be right there."
  2. "Oh, thank goodness. They're trying to make me sing songs and bake cookies in there. Me! The Grinch! But now that you're here—you can do it! They'll be right there, don't you move!"
  3. “OK, hello? Hi. (Coughing) Seems like there’s a bit of a SnAFuuuUuuUU with the Roast Beast in there. Wooo, that is stinging my eyes! (Sniffs) Too much Who-Sauce! Sorry, please leave a message.”
  4. "Hello, it's the Grinch — what do you want? No! Don't answer that. Instead, please leave a message after the weird sound I'm about to make: (Makes sound) OOOEEOWWUUNNGG."
  5. (Horrified) Oh my... Oh my word... there's just so much paper, and tape, and bows and smiling. So much laughter! I've gotta get out of here! Leave them a message!"
  6. “OooooOoOoo!! Look who it is! Are you stopping by for a bit of festive cheer? Ya, whatever. Yuck. Unfortunately, there is plenty of cheer to go around, but now you can have my portion! They’ll be there in a bit. Enjoy!”

If you're a particularly bad cook, you might especially like the option where the Grinch references a burnt "roast beast." However, there are options no matter what your holiday mood might be this year.

Quick replies aren't available on 1st Generation Ring devices but should be available on other Ring Doorbells, and, believe it or not, it's super easy to change. Just:

  • Open up your Ring app.
  • Select your preferred device.
  • Open Quick Replies.
  • Go from there.

Alternatively, you can follow these directions.

After you set your Quick Reply to make delivery drivers cackle and carolers ~go away,~ indulge in 'Tis The Grinch. The podcast is "broadcast from Whoville" and follows a sort of Late Show format, with celebrity appearances from the likes of Bob Odenkirk, Tabitha Brown, and Cody Rhodes.

The Grinch (voiced by Johnson) spends each episode hilariously railing against the holidays and roasting his guests. There's talk that by the end of the holiday season, his heart really might grow three sizes. When your heart is an empty hole, though, is that really what you want?

The Grinch's Ring replies are hilarious, but with the holidays upon us, don't forget to be kind to those hardworking delivery people. You don't want to be known as the house no one would touch with a 39-and-a-half-foot pole, do you?