What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before My First Halloween Horror Nights, As A 40+ Woman

As a self-professed certified Horror Girlie™, I lean pretty hard into experiences with a spooky slant. I’ve stayed at the hotel that inspired The Shining. I’ve ridden on a float in New Orleans’ famous Krewe of Boo parade. More recently, I finally started going to what is arguably Universal’s most highly anticipated annual event: Halloween Horror Nights. I’m not sure what took me so long, but now we’re here… and I’ve got some pointers for my fellow horror lovers who are headed to HHN for the first time.

Within an hour of attending my first HHN, a few realizations became abundantly clear: My body is not as young as my brain still thinks it is, and this is one of the most fun nights a horror fan can have. Two things can be true at once. So, if you’re also a mom in her 40s (or just a person curious about what you’re about to get into), here’s what I wish someone would have grabbed me by the shoulders and told me.

Any add-on that cuts wait time is worth the splurge.

Times are hard, this we know. Everything is expensive, which makes tacking on even more to your trip a difficult pill to swallow. But trust me when I say ain’t no line like an HHN house line! It’s like if every single line for Universal rides was as long as waiting for Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure (iykyk). And if you’re already dropping a decent chunk of change to attend HHN, I feel like you might as well spend what you need to make the experience the best it can be, if your budget allows. You have a few options here, too:

• Scream Early Ticket: This $70 add-on allows you to enter HHN at 2 p.m., granting you access to park attractions and at least three select Haunted Houses (at the park's discretion) before the general public piles in starting at 5:30 p.m.
• Express Pass: This $199.99 add-on allows you to use the Express Access line one time at all 10 houses and participating attractions, dramatically reducing your wait time.
• R.I.P. Tour: The priciest of the bunch, this $459.99 add-on gives your priority VIP entry to each haunted house, along with Express Unlimited Access for rides. It also includes a reception, commemorative R.I.P. Tour credential, lanyard and button, and valet parking.

Skip the rides. I’m not kidding.

It pains me to say this because I love Universal’s rides, and my general instinct is to just ride everything as much as possible. However, the rides are available year-round. HHN is not. Save your limited midlife energy for the houses and scare zones, especially if you’re only doing one night (which is all many of us can afford).

We didn’t do early access last year, but we were literally first in line to enter the park when the gates opened. Even without any breaks other than brief bathroom and food pit stops, we only made it through 9 of the 10 houses before closing. Going on rides just eats into your time for the houses and scare zones.

Do not underestimate the food lines.

You’ll see so many Reels leading up to HHN about the fun-themed foods and drinks available — you’re going to want all of them. But here’s what you won’t hear about as much: how long the lines are! This is particularly true for the most popular/buzziest stands. We gave up on a few, and I’m still bummed I didn’t get to try the “Death By Cheese Stick.”

What this really means is that you need to pre-game. Before the event, make sure you fuel up a little, whether you eat at home or grab something in City Walk. Pro tip: The food lines tapered off a ton towards the end of the night, so you could always save the snack-stand stops for post-midnight (which might also give you the push you need to make it through those last few hours).

Wear the most comfortable shoes you can muster.

Not to be a vibe killer, because I know a classic pair of sneaks might not go with the ensemble if you’re dressing up. Still, I say this with love: Your dogs are gonna be barking if you don’t choose your footwear wisely. Someone in my group last year chose to break in a brand-new pair of shoes, and they barely made it through two houses before developing huge blisters on their feet.

This is a full night of hoofing it, standing, sprinting away from a zombie headed straight for you. Whatever “cute-but-questionable” footwear instinct you have, ignore it. Theme park days are notoriously strenuous days, but HHN is next level. We hit 30k steps by the end of the night.

Girl, you bettah hydrate!

You’re going to sweat in places you didn’t even know existed. You’ll sweat through your clothes. Your hair will be damp. Every single pore on your body will want to open up and perspire. And when you’re in the moment, just trucking it from house to house, you aren’t necessarily thinking about how much liquid you’re losing.

Bring an empty water bottle that you can refill for free at any quick-service spot, and stick a few electrolyte packets in your bag. Your 20-something self would power through on Diet Coke and a dream, but honey, if we try that now we’ll turn to dust.

Yes, you can still dress up.

Themed outfits are 100% part of the HHN culture, but I’ll admit I felt weird getting into it at first. Like, are people going to think I’m too old for this?! The good news: No one is going to side-eye a 40-something woman for wearing Terrifier glasses and a pleather skirt with fishnets. I wish I had embraced this more in the beginning, because it does add to the fun.

Just make sure you check the costume and bag rules ahead of time and plan accordingly. Masks, heavy makeup, and weapons (obviously) aren’t allowed, and there may be restrictions on certain costume pieces. As for bags, small or clear ones move through security the quickest.

Go in with a game plan.

Add this to the longstanding debate of planning vs. winging it! There are people in each camp who swear their way is the best. In my experience, though, it does help if you have some strategy before you walk into HHN. We usually head to the houses in the back of the park first. The lines there build the fastest once the gates open and crowds start flowing in.

If you added on early entry, this approach really works in your favor. If you’re going without early access or Express Passes, your best bet is to focus on your absolute must-see houses immediately. You’re likely not going to be able to hit everything, so get your faves out of the way first. Anything you manage to squeeze in after that will be a bonus.

Another smart idea, when possible, is to loop the park in one direction rather than crisscrossing. We pretty much just ran where it looked like the lines were thinnest, which tacked a lot of steps onto our night.

You can do it your own way.

Here’s the thing: You don’t have to do HHN like the 22-year-olds next to you in line. Again, we’re not 22 anymore. Stop and see the stage show to give your feet a break (we did this last year, and it was one of the most surprising highlights of the night!). Bring some high-fidelity earplugs to take the edge off the noise if you get easily overstimulated. Skip a house if the wait just isn’t worth it to you — we did this with Five Nights at Freddy’s last year, and I have no regrets.

You’re allowed to go at your own pace. But whatever that pace is, just know that it’s probably a good plan to pack extra ibuprofen and a tube of lidocaine foot rub cream in your hotel bag because your old ass is going to be sore the next day. Ask me how I know.