Challah Back, Girl

40 Hilarious Hanukkah Jokes To Last You Eight Days And Nights

What’s the best thing to put into the sufganiyot? Your teeth.

by Patricia Grisafi
Originally Published: 
hanukkah jokes for kids
Rafael Ben-Ari/ Getty Images

Hanukkah is the festival of lights and a joyful occasion that involves getting gifts and making tiny fires every night. What could be cooler for young kids who are burgeoning pyromaniacs? Of course, Hanukkah is a wonderful holiday observed for a very important reason: to celebrate the rededication during the second century B.C. of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. That doesn’t mean Hanukkah isn’t also a time for levity, though — many people think of this time as a festive opportunity to enjoy family, friends, food, and plenty of fun. And if holiday humor is right up your alley, that probably includes sharing Hanukkah jokes around the menorah. Little ones will especially enjoy getting the chance to laugh and engage in a silly way this holiday season.

So, after lighting the menorah, spinning the dreidel, and chowing down on fresh sufganiyot donuts, share some of these kid-friendly Hanukkah jokes with your family. There’s nothing like some good clean punchlines to add a bit of joy to your family bonding. If you need even more ideas for entertaining the under-10 set at your next Hanukkah gathering — although let’s be real, you’re never too old to laugh at jokes for kids) — you could also bust out some kid-friendly riddles. Or, if you want to claim your rightful title of Cool Mom or Extra Auntie, introduce your littles to some silly comebacks.

After all, you’ve got to distract everyone enough to keep their hands out of the chocolate Hanukkah gelt bowl (what do they think, it grows on trees?!). The following Hannukah humor should help.

Clean, Kid-Friendly Hanukkah Jokes

  1. Which hand is best to light the menorah with? Neither, it’s best to light it with a candle.
  2. How can you recognize a Hanukkah hippie? He’s the one with his hair in dreidel-locks.
  3. How much Hanukkah gelt did the skunk get? One cent.
  4. What’s the best Hanukkah gift for the person who has everything? A burglar alarm.
  5. What do you call a speck that falls into the latke pan? An unidentified frying object.
  6. Why don’t we eat clowns at Hanukkah? Because they taste funny.
  7. What’s the difference between Hanukkah and a dragon? One lasts for eight nights, the other sometimes ate knights.
  8. What’s the best thing to put into the sufganiyot? Your teeth.
  9. What did the candles say when the menorah complained about getting too hot? “Whoa, a talking menorah.”
  10. What did the older Hanukkah candle say to the younger one? “You’re too young to smoke.”
  11. Why was the broom late to the Hanukkah party? It over-swept.
  12. Miriam goes to the post office to buy stamps for her holiday cards. She asks the cashier, “May I please have 50 Hanukkah stamps?” The cashier asks, “What denomination?” To which Miriam replies, “Oh vey, has it come to this? OK, give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
  13. Why are there only 8 days of Hanukkah? Because 7 ate 9.
  14. How many potatoes does it take to make potato pancakes? A latke.
  15. Why do you put candles on top of the menorah? It’s too hard to put them on the bottom.
  16. What did the loaf of bread say to the other loaf of bread during Hanukkah? “Happy challah days!”
  17. Why did the dreidel go to the doctor? It kept getting dizzy spells.
  18. I asked the waiter if my latkes would be long. He said no, they’ll be round.
  19. A little latke gave his mom a gift. “Aww,” she responded. “Why are you so sweet?” He replied, “I guess that’s just the way I yam.”
  20. What did the stamp say to the Hanukkah card? “Stick me and you’ll go places.”
  21. What’s a dreidel’s favorite song? “You Spin Me Right Round.”
  22. Who is a dreidel’s favorite musician? Dr. Dreidel!
  23. What did the little girl call her dreidel? Clay.
  24. What does Simba say to celebrate every Hanukkah? “Hanukkah matata!”
  25. A Jewish guy’s mom gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. So, the next time he visits her, he wears one. As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and furrows her brow, asking, “What — you didn’t like the other one?”
  26. Why did the boy put his Hanukkah money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
  27. What’s green, spins round, and has wheels? A dreidel. I lied about the wheels.
  28. What do vegetables say to each other on Hanukkah? “Happea Hanukkah!”

Hanukkah Puns

If you need ideas for how to caption your family’s Hanukkah photos on Instagram, look no further than these Hanukkah puns.

  1. We’re off to a great starch.
  2. Hanukkah: It’s lit.
  3. They see me rollin’.
  4. Let’s get Hanukkrunk.
  5. Happy Hanukk-an you not?
  6. Meowzel tov. (Cats can celebrate, too!)
  7. Ain’t no challah back girl.
  8. Oy to the world!
  9. Keep calm and dreidel on.
  10. I just wanna have abs—olutely all the latkes and chocolate coins.
  11. No gelt, no glory.
  12. Matzoh, matzoh man.

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