Picture it: You’re at a bar vibing to the music with a drink in hand and an attractive stranger approaches…and you don’t know how to flirt. Welcome to the club! Flirting can be daunting for some people, and that’s totally fine. Whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or some combination of both, there are plenty of tips for flirting (or upping your flirting game) to fit every personality. While some flirting methods might be obvious — flirty texts, dirty pick-up lines, casually touching the person you’re flirting with — there are plenty of other things that you might not have thought of. Check out our best tips for how to flirt.
Tips for How to Flirt
These are some of the universal tips for how to flirt in just about any situation you might find yourself in.
- Make eye contact: This can be so hard, we know, but the quickest way to show interest is to make eye contact. You can do it from across a room to initiate a conversation, as well as hold that eye contact during the conversation. You maybe don’t need to maintain eye contact throughout the entire conversation (that could get weird) but keep it up as much as you can.
- Give genuine compliments: Compliments are always a great tool for flirting but try to keep them genuine. Don’t reuse compliments you give to every single person (unless you think everyone has the most amazing eyes and smile), but try to come up with something unique that’s not cheesy.
- Smile: We don’t want to be those people telling you to smile more, but if the person you’re flirting with makes you happy, then smile and show them that! They’re probably just as nervous as you might be, so it’s reassuring for them to know that you’re into this.
- Use body language: While using this tip, make sure you are never making the other person uncomfortable. Whether it’s your body language as you’re sitting or a light touch on an arm or shoulder, make sure your date feels comfortable and the physical interaction is natural and reciprocated.
- Draw attention to your lips. Cher from Clueless was right! It may sound a little silly, but break out some chapstick or lipstick when your crush is nearby. It may make them think about kissing!
- Light teasing: Teasing can be cute but must be done carefully — you wouldn’t want to offend the object of your teasing. This is a great way to get your crush to smile or laugh as long as you keep it silly.
How to Flirt Remotely
Digital flirting is a whole other ballgame, and it can be a beast to navigate. Here are some ideas for getting flirty over text, DM, Zoom, pigeon mail — whatever your mode, these tips will make for a more flirty experience.
- Match their energy: If you’re texting or DMing someone and they’re sending frequent sexy texts (that you’re comfortable with), go ahead and do that right back. There are no rules for how often you can text someone or what you can and can’t say. But if you find a vibe with someone, go all in and go with the flow.
- Don’t be afraid of photos: When you’re comfortable with it, hit the person with a photo. It can be cute, it can be sexy, but whatever the case, it’s a great way to flirt and bring another level to the conversation.
- Bring in your personality: It can be hard to get yourself across over a video chat, but do your best to make sure you sound genuine and like yourself.
- Remember to keep things cheerful, positive, and direct. Vagueness and long paragraphs via text message may be a turnoff for some. It’s important to let someone know how you feel about them clearly via text. Here are a few examples you can test drive:
- I am totally missing you right now!
- I really enjoy your company. Any chance we can hang out again?
- Just popping in to tell you I find you extremely attractive.
Tips to Flirt if You’re an Introvert
If you’re an introvert, don’t worry, you can still be flirtatious in ways that are comfortable for you! No more hanging back and feeling left out. Here’s what you can do.
- Ask genuine questions and listen to the answers: Introverts are usually very good listeners because they’re generally shy in conversation. When flirting with someone, ask open-ended questions that will allow the other person to give you long, meaningful answers. This takes a lot of weight off of you but also lets you learn about the other person.
- Try to play off of the other person: You’re probably really good at paying attention to those around you, so try to feed off the energy you’re getting from the person you’re flirting with. This doesn’t mean you need to be too boisterous or over the top if they are, but if they’re leading the conversation in a heartfelt way, go with that. If they’re bright and bubbly with you, see if you can find comfort and confidence in matching that.
- Stay nearby: One of the easiest ways for you to flirt with someone is to stay near them and stay engaged. We know social interactions can be hard for some introverts, but if you genuinely want to show someone you’re interested, remaining near them and talking with them is an amazing and easy way to do that.
- Be prepared with your talking points: This may sound incredibly Type A, but if you’re shy around other people, there’s no harm in having a bulleted list in your head of what you want to share with people when the time comes. If you use online dating apps, think of some of the things you have or would include in your profile and consider those your highlight reel to share with someone new. Flirting can be like a job interview — you want to sell yourself and find a good partnership with the other person. So if you know what you want to talk about with them, it can help you feel more comfortable.
- Try to stay open. Extroverts sometimes have a habit of oversharing, but it’s important to make them feel comfortable. Of course, it’s totally OK to not want to delve into your own personal history. Just try to be there for them.
Tips to Flirt if You’re an Extrovert
People who are extroverts usually aren’t too shy when it comes to flirting, but when you’re an outgoing person, you can sometimes come on really strong. For some, that’s totally fine, but it can also be intimidating. Here’s how you can be flirty as an extrovert and strike a perfect balance of outgoing and still mysterious.
- Try to play off the other person: Yes, extroverts can do this too, but you’ll want to go about it in a slightly different way. Whereas introverts can find comfort in a level set with another person, an extrovert can find calm in a level set with another person, especially if they’re not as bold. It can be intimidating to come on really strong, but if you’ve struck up a conversation with someone you’re interested in, try to feed off them and find common ground. This may mean reining it in a little bit, and that’s okay. Do not, however, dim your sparkle for anyone.
- Listen: You probably love to be the center of attention, and that’s awesome, but keep in mind there’s another person in this conversation, so make sure you’re listening to them. The person you’re flirting with could actually be *the one* and you don’t want to miss anything they have to say.
And perhaps the most important tip for flirting, across the board, is to read the room. If you’re flirting with someone who isn’t into it, then give up and move on. Just like you wouldn’t want someone continuing to make unwanted advances on you, you should offer the same courtesy to anyone else.
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