makes perfect sense

Woman Nails The Reason Why Women Have More Issues With Their In-Laws Than Men

And we can thank the patriarchy.

@nicolemichelleofficial / TikTok

Maintaining a healthy relationship with in-laws can be a challenge. Most women know this. An in-law relationship can be especially draining when one side of the relationship (I think we both know which side) is unwilling to bend or compromise to make things amicable for all involved. Things can get even messier and more tense once grandchildren are involved.

Why is it that in almost every single circumstance of in-law woes, it’s a daughter-in-law dealing with her mother-in-law? Why are women the ones constantly struggling with an overbearing or demanding mother-in-law? One TikTok creator has a theory, and honestly, it makes so much sense.

Nicole Michelle, a content creator on TikTok, theorizes that the reason why women get the brunt of the in-law hardship is because, of course, the patriarchy has set up unrealistic expectations of women. Thanks society!

“I'm beginning to think that the reason why women have so many issues with their in-laws more so than men do is because our society's idea about women is that we are accessible. Our mental, emotional, and physical labor is just free and accessible,” she says.

She says that once a man marries a woman that has clear, healthy boundaries, all hell can break loose.

“So for the type who gets married and says ‘No no no, I'm not going along with that. I'm setting boundaries. I'm not going to be treated this way actually.’ There is pushback and so much of it because we are not allowing access,” she goes on.

She cites the overturning of Roe v. Wade as a larger example of society assuming that women cannot make choices of their own, and instead, need controlling.

“Our society, our policies, our culture believes that women should be easily accessible and controlled and that when we make choices, choices for ourselves such as setting boundaries with family members, we are told we are wrong, bad, evil, mean, ‘just wait until you have kids it's gonna happen to you too’ because we have made the choice for people, certain people, to not have access to us because women are taught be accommodating, be nice, just go along,” she says.

She adds that, basically, people don’t want women to have choice.

“And then when we get married and we say, ‘No, we can't come over for all the holidays.’ for example or ‘We can't do X, Y, or Z" maybe because we have a prior commitment as a couple or for ourselves. We are then always scapegoated and blamed and treated like the bad guy, and what is it all boiled down to? Choice.”

So, is it possible to be a woman of choice and feel like she has some autonomy while also be married to a man?

“Decentering your in-laws means decentering men, and how do we de-center? We make active choices, authentic to ourselves based on our core values while focusing or shifting your energy to what matters most to you. Boundaries,” she concludes.

Hundreds of women wrote to Nicole in the her comment section, empathizing with this point of view and commiserating over the constant, perpetual struggle of dealing with in-laws.

“mother-in-law just asked for Christmas gift ideas for the kids. Ask your son,” one user wrote.

Another wrote, “I’ve told my husband. It’s not expected of him to be in contact with my mom constantly but it’s expected of me to always be in contact with yours.”

“Such a double-standard for so many women,” the OP replied.

“We are treated as a resource not as people,” another noted.

Another wrote, “It’s honestly jealousy, that this generation is saying no to things that were just expectations in previous generations”

Life is way too short to just mindlessly accept our fates that we’re bound to people we don’t want to spend time with or treat us like garbage. Women marry their spouse, not their extended family.