Listen, we understand that spiders may not be the first creatures to come to mind when someone asks what you consider your favorite animal. But cut these creepy crawlers some slack — they’re pretty cool if you give them a chance. Plus, they come in large numbers (there are 38,000 species spread across every continent except Antarctica), so it’s probably best to play nice. One way to look at spiders in a different light? To appreciate how darn hilarious arachnids are. And, yep, we’ve got the spider puns and spider jokes to prove these eight-leggers are a ton of fun.
Of course, we’ve got all kinds of animal jokes sure to keep you and your kiddos laughing for hours. Our donkey jokes will have you hee-hee-hawing. Our duck puns will quack you up. And we’re not even yolking around when we say our chicken jokes might make you crow. However, we think you’ll agree after reading this list of spider puns and jokes that arachnids may just be the funniest animal of them all.
Best Spider Puns and Jokes
1. Why did the man return his new pair of spider silk trousers?
They looked great, but the fly kept getting stuck.
2. What do you get when you cross a spider and an ear of corn?
3. What do you call an undercover tarantula?
4. Why can’t spiders become pilots?
They only know how to tailspin.
5. What part of a computer does a spider use?
6. What do you call it when you have too many spiders in your house?
A no-fly zone.
7. What does a spider inside your ear do?
Make your head spin!
8. Why did the man go on a date with a spider?
His wife told him to take it out instead of killing it.
9. Why did the man name the gigantic spider in his room Cotton Eye Joe?
Because he only had two questions for him: where did he come from, and where did he go?
10. What do you call two spiders who just got married?
11. What does the baby spider want to be when it grows up?
A web designer.
12. What do you call it when a shark, a crocodile, and a giant spider walk into a bar?
Another typical day in Australia!
13. What is it called when someone has an abnormal fear of spiders in raincoats?
14. Why do spiders adapt so quickly to online learning?
They’re very comfortable on the web.
15. How do you spot a modern spider?
He doesn’t have a web; he has a website.
16. What do you call a Canadian spider?
17. “What’s good for spider bites?” a person asked the chemist.
To which the chemist replied, “An irate spider.”
18. What did the spider wife say to the spider husband when he tried to explain coming home late?
“You’re spinning me a yarn here.”
19. How do spiders communicate?
Through the World Wide Web.
20. What do you call 100 spiders on a tire?
A spinning wheel.
21. What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?
22. What do spiders eat?
I don’t know; why don’t you check on the web?
23. Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Who’s there? A spider.
24. What’s the best way to deal with spiders in the office?
Hire them for web development.
25. What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
26. When can you see a spider but not kill it?
On its webcast.
27. What do spiders eat in Paris?
28. Have you seen the film about an onion that turns into a spider?
It’s called Shallot’s Web.
29. What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
I’m not sure. But if you see one walking across the ceiling, run before it collapses!
30. Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spy-der.
31. What do spiders like to do in their spare time?
Surf the web.
32. Why does Spider-Man hate driving with his evil twin?
He’s a bad parallel Parker.
33. What did the IT person say to the officer worker freaking out over a spider on their keyboard?
“Don’t worry; I’ve got it under ctrl.”
34. What do you call a spider that can dance?
35. What’s a spider’s favorite pastime?
36. Where do spiders play football?
At Webley Stadium!
37. A man asked his teenage daughter to get him a phone book.
She laughed at him, saying, “Oh, Dad… you’re so old. Just use my phone.” So, he slammed her phone against the wall to kill the spider.
38. What’s red and creepy but also a little sweet?
Strawberry and tarantula jelly.
39. How tall is a spider?
40. “What’s your biggest weakness?” asked the interviewer.
“Spiders,” replied the prospective employee.
“Professional ones?” continued the interviewer.
Said the prospective employee, “I don’t know; I’ve never seen one in a suit before.”
41. Why do spiders like living in haunted houses?
Because ghosts can’t destroy their webs.
42. Why are spiders like tops?
They’re constantly spinning.
43. What did the spider say to the fly?
“Pleased to eat you!”
44. Why do spiders spin webs?
Because they can’t knit.
45. Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response-ability.
46. What’s the difference between a spider and a web designer?
A spider loves finding bugs in its web.
47. What do you call a giant Irish spider?
Paddy long legs.
48. Why did the spider kid get in trouble with his mom?
He was spending too much time on the web!
49. Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin.
50. What text emojis do spiders use when they’re happy?
51. What kind of doctors are like spiders?
52. What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall.
53. What do you get when you cross a tarantula and a rose?
I don’t know, but I wouldn’t try smelling it!
54. How do spiders diagnose health issues?
Just like us — with WebMD.
55. Why are spiders good swimmers?
They have webbed feet.
56. Why shouldn’t you go outside when it’s raining spiders?
You could get caught in a tarantula downpour.
57. What do you get when you cross a spider with an eyeball?
58. A father and son are leaving the house when the son accidentally steps on a spider.
“Oh, no!” said the son. “I feel so guilty!”
To which the father replied, “It was an accident, son. It’s OK.”
“I know,” said the boy, adding, “But you should have seen him — he looked genuinely crushed.”
59. Did you hear about the spider love triangle?
It was a tangled web.
60. What would happen if spiders were as humongous as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.
61. Did you know Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread?
It’s a pita parka.
62. Why do spiders make clingy roommates?
63. Why do spiders make bad drivers?
They always spin out!
64. What’s another name for the Spider-Man trilogy?
A web series.
65. A man is eating at a restaurant when he notices there’s a spider in his soup. He calls over the waiter and complains.
“I’m deeply sorry, sir,” the waiter replies. “But the fly asked to take the day off!”
66. Did you know there is a species of spider that can jump higher than a building?
This is due to its eight powerful legs — and the fact buildings can’t jump.
67. My son wanted to get a pet spider from the pet shop, but they are really expensive.
I got a real cheap one off the web instead.
68. My little sister is so afraid of spiders that she leaves the house until I get rid of them.
I’ve been living alone and peacefully for six hours now.
69. What do you get when you cross a spider with a snowman?
70. What kind of music do spiders like?
Country web-ern music.
71. What are young spiders called?
72. What’s a spider’s favorite fitness class?
73. What did the fly say to the spider that ate its friend?
“You’re a buzz kill!”
74. What app do spiders use to listen to music?
75. What spider comes out on a full moon?
A wolf spider.
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