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Happily Never After: Relationship Turn-Offs You Should Never Put Up With

Your partner not listening to you is a definite no-no.

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Photo by Vera Arsic/ Pexels

Relationships are hard. That’s just a pure and simple fact of life. It doesn’t matter how much you have in common or how well you get along, there’s always going to be hurdles to overcome as your time together progresses. (Like surviving through a pandemic, for instance!) Some obstacles are easy to work through, however, there are a few major relationship turn-offs for both men and women that could bring even the strongest of love stories to a crashing halt. It could come out of nowhere or slowly build up over time, but once that proverbial line has been crossed, it can be hard — if not downright impossible — to come back from.

These are things that you yourself may have experienced in the past — or have been guilty of doing to your significant other at one point or another. Either way, it’s important to be aware of certain relationship red flags that can help you and any potential partner figure out if you’re meant to be or need to call it quits. Nobody is perfect, but if you’re with someone (or are someone) who does any of these things listed below, it might be time to face the fact that your relationship isn’t meant to be.

Turn-Offs Meaning

In the same way that someone’s charming personality or energy can pull you in, it’s also possible to become turned off by a person. When someone’s turned off, it means a person or thing does something that makes you feel disgusted or repulsed by them. Although the terms turn-off and turn-on generally have sexual connotations, they go beyond too. A turn-off can be when someone does something you don’t like or gets under your skin to the point that it makes you see them differently — in a negative light.

Biggest Turn-Offs for Men and Women

  • Rudeness: Whether this is directed toward a parental figure, sibling, or even a server at a coffee shop, rudeness is a complete and total turn-off. Plus, if your partner is openly rude to others, chances are they’ll start treating you the same exact way in the future. That is if they haven’t already.
  • Selfishness: Leaning on your partner is an important part of any relationship, but when that give-and-take balance becomes mostly one-sided, both emotionally and physically, it can become very frustrating. No one wants to be around someone who is constantly talking about themselves and their problems. The same goes for intimacy — if you’re selfish in bed, then it’s time to hit the road.
  • Jealousy: This isn’t a positive trait that shows you that your partner cares. It simply tells you that they don’t trust you or your relationship, which means it’s time to show them the door.
  • Not Listening: If a partner isn’t acting interested in what you have to say, then why should they deserve the pleasure of your company?
  • The Pet Problem: I have a dog who means the world to me, which means the person I’m with needs to be just as obsessed with my cute, cuddly fur baby as I am. If they’re not, then things probably aren’t going to work out. Because if I have to choose, real talk, my pup is going to win Every. Single. Time. I guess you could call it my pet peeve. (Sorry, not sorry.)
  • Cheating: This one kinda speaks for itself, right? Cheating is bad. Don’t do it.
  • Phone-Obsessed: We’re all guilty of being on our phones all the time, but if you’re someone who likes to scroll through your various social media accounts while out on a date, that’s not a great look. In fact, it could be a dealbreaker.
  • Smoking: Unless you also smoke, this could prove to be a non-starter in a relationship, depending on how strongly the other person feels about it.
  • Self Deprecation: Just like you don’t want someone to be overly boastful, it’s also a big turn-off if someone has zero confidence in themselves, to the point where they’re constantly insulting themselves. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and just not a great look overall.
  • Neediness: It’s great to be excited about a relationship, but coming on too strongly with over-the-top enthusiasm or clinginess could stop a romance in its tracks.
  • Loud Chewing: Trust us, it’s a thing.
  • Talking Too Much About Your Ex: If I want to know something then I’ll ask, but if you plan on being a part of my future, then you may want to stop bringing up the past.
  • Excessive Flirtation. While some people have super-friendly personalities, sometimes being slightly romantic with others can make your partner feel uncomfortable. Your partner may not consider it direct cheating, but it can evoke similar feelings of betrayal and frustration.
  • Crosses Boundaries. When dating someone new, it’s important to take the time to get to know them. Build a foundation before becoming too comfortable in each other’s space.
  • Lack of Ambition. When someone is passionate about something or has set goals for themselves, it adds to who they are, which can be a positive attribute. If the other person seemingly has no ambition, the more ambitious person may grow to resent their complacency.
  • Sloppy Drinking. Having a big boozy time can be a lot of fun, but hanging out with someone who gets very drunk regularly can be a hassle and a real downer.

Of course, this list is not a complete representation of all the relationship turn-offs that exist out there, but if you steer clear of these key traits, and all the ways they manifest, you may just find yourself in the happy, healthy relationship you always wanted. And if not, there’s always ice cream.

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