Music soothes even the savage breast (“beast” is a misquote, don’t get mad at me). However, sometimes music — especially when being practiced by tiny, burgeoning musicians who haven’t quite mastered their skills—can give us a headache. Have the kids stop tickling the ivories for a moment and tickle their funny-bones instead with these clean, kid-friendly music jokes. Your pounding noggin will appreciate the break.
1. How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs
2. How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements
3. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear
4. Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside
5. What type of music are balloons afraid of?
6. What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
7. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes
8. Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
9. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
10. What do you call a musical insect?
11. Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
12. What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose—you can blow it and pick it
13. What makes songs but never sings?
14. Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll
15. Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks
16. What’s big and grey with horns?
An elephant marching band
17. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley
18. What kind of music do bunnies like?
19. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
20. Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying Bach, Bach
21. Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record
22. What makes music on your head?
23. What part of the turkey is musical?
24. What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish
25. What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir
26. What is the musical part of a snake?
27. Where did the music teacher leave his keys?
In the piano
28. What types of songs do planets sing?
29. What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
30. What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
31. Why was the musician arrested?
Because she got in treble
32. What did the robbers take from the music store?
33. What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs
34. What song do tornados like?
35. What has a neck but no head?
36. What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school?
37. What’s green and sings?
38. Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words
39. What’s the most musical bone?
40. What is a cat’s favorite song?
Three Blind Mice
41. What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session
42. Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
43. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
44. Why was the former conductor of the Berlin Philharmonic always first off the plane?
Because he only had Karajan luggage.
45. Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
46. How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
47. How can you tell if a singer’s at your door?
They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.
48. Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar. “Sorry,” the barman said. “We don’t serve minors.”
49. What musical keys do cows sing in?
50. Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
51. Want to hear the one about fermata?
Wait, it’s too long.
52. Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
53. What did Jay-Z call his wife before they were married?
54. Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They always ran around going “Bach! Bach! Bach!”
55. A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
56. Which brand of computer will win the Grammy’s?
57. The biggest difference between the Super Bowl and the Grammy’s.
The Eagles have won a Grammy.
58. As a musician, I’ve learned the best way to win a Grammy…
…is to not release your music in the same year as Adele.