Welcome to your younger self. We say this because you can go ahead and check your maturity level at the door. We’re about to take you back, wayyyy back, to when we all loved ridiculous jokes. And the queen of all stupid jokes: boob quips. Who doesn’t love a good boob joke? After all, no two are alike, they go through a whole ass life cycle when you’re pregnant and nursing, and end up south of where you expected them to be. Which is why postpartum boob memes are a whole hilarious category of breast jokes mamas everywhere love. And while the dick jokes and poop jokes are kings of the dirty jokes world, we should still pay our respect to the queen. All hail the boob jokes!
So, if you’re looking for uplifting content, boob funnies are where it’s at. We’ve curated a hilarious list that is not only funnier than the ones you learned in high school but will fill your chest with laughter. Besides being funny, breasts give you your first lesson in friendship. They’re close to your heart and stick with you, through thick and thin. All they ask is for in return is your love and support. They even help you out with feeding your kids! No matter what your jugs look like, we hope you love them just as much as we do.
With that in mind, we put together the absolute best and funniest list of jokes about breasts. Tits up and enjoy.
- What type of bees make milk?
- Why are the saggy boobs angry?
Because they never get any support.
- What do you call the space between two enlarged breasts?
- What did the bra say to the hat?
“Go on a head. I’ll give these two a lift.”
- What do you call two identical pairs of breasts?
- What do a push-up bra and a bag of chips have in common?
When you open them, they’re both half empty.
- What does an 80-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 20-year-old doesn’t?
Her belly button.
- Where do bras get lunch?
At a breastaurant.
- Why do women have nipples?
To make suckers out of men.
- What did the boob tell the other boob?
“You’re my breast friend.”
- What’s a boob’s favorite snack?
- Time is like cleavage.
The more you squeeze them together, the more you get.
- What happened to the man who slipped on a bra?
He fell into a booby trap!
- What do boobs and friends have in common?
Some are big, some are small, some are real, and some are fake.
- The existence of boobs proves one thing:
Guys can focus on two things at once.
- You don’t need to pay for a bra to get boob support.
There’s plenty of people out there who would volunteer to hold your boobs for free.
- Straight men go from drinking from boobs to obsessing about boobs to having a pair of boobs of their own.
- Why is paying for a boob job like buying a soda?
Nobody wants either to end up flat.
- What’s the boob’s favorite swimming style?
- Grandma found a lump under her left breast, but the doctor said it was OK.
It was just her kneecap.
- I love you with all my boobs.
They’re much bigger than my heart.
- What is the origin of the word “Boob”?
The “B” is the aerial view, the “oo” is the front view, and the “b” is the side view.
- What do train sets and boobs have in common?
They’re both meant for children, but grown-ups love them.
- What did the baby say to the mama?
“I don’t always drink milk, but when I do, I prefer Dos Tetas.”
- What did the bee say when he saw the breasts?
- What is jigglytata?
When you are running down the stairs without a bra on.
- A friend is like a good bra.
They’re hard to find, supportive, comfortable, always lift you up, and always close to your heart!
- Summer is the official boob sweat season.
- A woman got breast implants made of wood yesterday.
This joke would be funny if it had a punchline wooden tit?
- With great boobs comes great responsibility.
- Boobs are like kiddie toys.
They’re really for the kids, but your partner always ends up playing with them.
- What did one saggy boob say to the other?
“If we don’t get some support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts.”
- What do you call a nanny with breast implants?
A faux pair.
- What do you call the moisture on the chest of a very large-breasted woman?
- Where does a waitress wear a bikini?
In a breastaurant.
- I was once slapped in the face by a girl with 12 nipples.
Sounds weird, dozen tit?
- The mattress company has come out with a line of breast implants.
They’re filled with mammary foam.
- A young reporter was having trouble finishing her byline.
The editor specifically told her she couldn’t print the words breast or boobs. The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally, she handed the editor the following report:
“Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations to her ( . )( . )”
- “If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine.” — @randomnloveit/Twitter
- I joined the local swim class.
The breaststroke was not what I thought it would be.
- I met a guy who could remember every breast he’d ever seen.
He had a photographic mammary.
- I think breastfeeding in public is unfair.
I was always taught that if you didn’t bring enough food for everyone, you shouldn’t take it out.
- If you shame a girl for her breast size, I’ll push you into traffic.
Who’s flat now?
Why did the rooster hide the menu from his wife?
He was looking at the chicken breast.
- “Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge. I AM POWER. I AM RESILIENCE. I AM A BRA STRAP.” — @MaraWilson/Twitter
- Two friends are hanging out when one looks at the other and says, “You’re a boob.”
Offended, the second friend said, “Why’d ya say that?”
Smirking, the first friend replied, “Oh, c’mon — I’m just tittin’.”
- Two girlfriends are hanging out when one spills coffee on her shirt. The other girlfriend grabs a paper towel and goes to hand it to her friend, but she trips and elbows her bestie right in the boob. “Ouch! That really hurt!” the first friend exclaims. To which the other replied, “I’m so sorry. I had the breast intentions.”
- Having boobs is sort of like having two toddlers hanging out in your bra.
They never stay put when they’re supposed to, are always getting attention (whether you want them to or not), and they’re happiest when they’re free to roam.
- “The ones you keep closest to your heart hurt you the most. Like the underwire in my bra that tried to stab me.” — @JesKeepSwimming/Twitter
- An elephant asked a camel, “Why are your breasts on your back?”
“Well,” says the camel, “I think that’s a strange question from somebody whose wiener is on his face.”
- “Just slung my bra off and threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already two other bras. If my math is right, it’s Wednesday.” — @JessObsess/Twitter
- I’m working on a nipple joke.
I’ll post it after I tweak it a bit.
- What’s the most universal Friends episode title?
“The One Where Rachel’s Nipples Are Erect”
- Alright, ladies, it’s Breastfeeding Awareness week.
It’s time to milk it!
- What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding?
Thanks for the mammaries!