A Case Against Chore Charts
Paid chores can teach responsibility... but what else are they teaching?
Many parents hope to teach their kids responsibility, contributing to the family, life skills like cooking and cleaning, and money management as they grow up. And plenty of people have a solution for all of the above: a chore chart! Lists of chores, along with rewards for doing the jobs and punishments set in place for when kids fail to deliver on their promised work. But TikTok creator Sabriena Abrre (@sabriena_abrre) has a bit of a hot take: “I think chore charts do more harm than good.”
“It’s very traditional, you reward the behavior you want to see and punish the behavior you don’t want to see,” Abrre says. “That’s also how you train dogs and I just think that tiny humans might be a little more complex and there’s more to the puzzle.”
Her basic premise is that chores aren’t something that really deserve rewards.
“I just don’t believe in rewarding my kids for doing basic chores around the house,” she continues. “This is our home. It’s not just mine and it’s not just theirs: it’s ours. And if everybody cleans up after themselves then everything gets done. There’s no need for a whole system of incentives and bribes. ... It’s called being a part of the family.”
Abrre hopes that this approach, especially in leading by example, can help her kids approach chores with a sense of gratitude for what they have rather than being motivated with the promise of a reward for every little task.
“No reward charts,” she concludes. “Just mutual respect, clear expectations, and the belief that our home gets better when we all take care of it... at least that’s what I’m modeling and I trust they’ll rise to it.”
Many commenters related to this premise... not as parents, but as former children who came to expect rewards for basic accomplishments.
“This makes so much sense when I always expect a sweet treat for simply running an errand,” one half-joked.
“Take it from someone who was constantly praised and rewarded for doing things around the house growing up, the transition into adulthood, outside the home, doing stuff and suddenly not getting that acknowledgment was HARD and soooo confusing,” another observes. “Took me such a long time to recognize it all and reprogram myself.”
“The mindset 100% stays around. [Not gonna lie,] I had to grow out of that with my first/second job I had in my life back in high school. I learned REAL quick,” confirms a third.
Personally, I like this point of view, but I can also see the benefit of getting allowance for contributing to the household. As with anything to do with parenting, it’s less about what’s the right answer, and what’s the right answer for your family.
