A Man Urged A School District To Ban The Bible For Its Sex & Violence
When it comes to book bans, there’s nothing better than a good, wholesome trolling.
Book banning sucks. But it’s gaining traction around the country under the premise that school districts are protecting our precious children from violence and sexually explicit material. Of course, the truth of the matter is that the conservative and religious right want to limit kids’ access to books about sexuality, being themselves, diversity, and religious diversity. You can tell because banned book lists overwhelmingly list books that discuss homosexuality and books written by or about marginalized groups.
In other words: Book banning is made to look like it’s protecting kids from harmful material, but really it’s stopping them from learning stuff conservatives don’t like.
But how do you prove that point?
New York comedian Walter Masterson had a good strategy. His idea was simple: Why not just find a book that most conservatives love that’s filled with gratuitous sex and violence and demand that that book be banned, too?
And that’s how he wound up at the Central Bucks School District board meeting in Pennsylvania, surrounded by members of the controversial and conservative group Moms for Liberty, demanding that they immediately ban the Bible. And to prove his point, he read some shocking passages from the Good Book.
“I brought with me today a book that is available to children of all ages in the school’s library,” he began, while wearing a camo hat and plain white T-shirt. “This book is filled with overt sexual acts of violence. It celebrates mass killings, and it’s being used to indoctrinate our children.”
He doesn’t name the book he’s talking about, but it becomes clear pretty quickly once he reads the first passage.
“The Lord tried to kill Moses, but Zipphorah used a sharpened stone and cut off their son’s foreskin and rubbed the bloody ring on Moses’ feet, saying, ‘You are now my bridegroom.’ This made the Lord leave Moses alone,” he recited.
“If a slave owner beats a slave, male or female, with a stick so severely that the slave dies immediately, the slave owners should be punished,” he continues with a totally classic passage from Exodus. “However, if the slave survives a day or two, he should get back to work. The slave is the owner’s property.”
After his dramatic reading ended, he had a couple of important rhetorical questions to ask of the audience.
“Do you think a child should be reading this book, full of sexual violence and genocide? Books don’t belong here at all,” he said. “Ban this book. Let’s focus on science, math, and raising administrators’ pay.”
That last part was a jab at the conservative school board, which recently raised the salary of their right-leaning superintendent, Abram Lucabaugh, by a shocking 40%, from $229,500 to $315,000 — all while teachers deal with some of the lowest salaries of any working profession. Among Lucabaugh’s accomplishments include banning Pride flags and LBGTQ+ topics from classrooms. More yikes.
Down in the comments, people loved his suggestion to get the Bible out of school libraries.
“As someone who is somewhat of a Christian, this is absolutely spot on,” one person wrote. “If you’re going to say that we can ban books with sexual acts and slavery and all that, the Bible should be there too since it’s so accessible.”
“Oh, the reaction on their faces when they realize what you are doing, but don’t have the wherewithal to refute your talking points,” another wrote.
“Amen,” another wrote simply.
To watch the full video of his trip to the board meeting, watch below.