A Woman Is Stunned When Another Mom Says Her Daughter Isn’t Allowed To Befriend Boys
Their kids were besties — until the other family said they weren’t “comfortable” with the boy-girl friendship.
I sometimes really think the hardest part of having grade school children is navigating the minefield of their friend’s parents. Most of the time it’s fine: you might even make a new friend! But other times, just because the kid is cool, it doesn’t mean their parents aren’t a nightmare to deal with, and dealing with them is entirely on you.
Redditor u/jenjersnap (great name) asked for advice to deal with a particularly baffling issue with another parent on the Parenting subreddit... Baffling in that I thought we were all past the issue in question.
Jenjersnap’s 9-year-old son had a friend at school. With summer coming up, she and the friend’s mom were texting back and forth about how to get the friends together while school wasn’t in session. Then she got a reply she wasn’t expecting.
“Hi [Jenjersnap], after speaking with my husband last night he just doesn't feel comfortable with (their daughter) having a boy as a friend.”
*record scratch*
Pardon? Other Mom continues.
“This has absolutely nothing to do with [Jenjersnap’s son], it is just a general thing he is uncomfortable with. I apologize for any inconvenience and hope that [son] understands. Our intention is not to hurt anyone's feelings in any way.”
Well, arbitrarily telling a 9 year old that he’s losing his friend because her dad is a weirdo is probably going to hurt his feelings. Jenjersnap, understandably, didn’t even know how to respond, especially to someone she doesn’t really know all that well and asked for advice.
Commenters were, unsurprisingly, also somewhat shocked. Some advised a diplomatic answer.
“I would respond ... ‘Sorry to hear that. My son will be disappointed. Should anything change, please don’t hesitate to contact me because we would still like the kids to be able to play,’” suggested the most upvoted comment out of more than 600.
“I would just say something neutral like, ‘Sorry to hear that, but thank you for letting me know,’” replied another. “You don’t know what their home life is like, so making her feel guilty by saying anything about how disappointed your kid will be may be a bad move. Her husband sounds controlling (he may not be, but I find his opinion a bit of a red flag) so he may not be a very nice person and she could be experiencing some type of abuse… I hope that’s not true, but you never know.”
Others wanted to be a little bit, shall we say, cheekier:
"Sorry your husband is a f*cking whack job,” offered one.
“I’m sorry your husband is a toxic piece of sh*t,” suggested a second. “Hope he gets his gross, sexist issues sorted out.”
But most were just absolutely thrown by the premise in and of itself.
Ultimately, Jenjersnap updated the post to note that after a back and forth, the situation did not improve, but it was handled, however disappointingly for all involved... except, one would presume, the little girl’s father.
Apparently, she learned, it was the children texting and calling the girl that made her father uncomfortable in the first place.
“The texting and phone calls were what started causing my husband to feel especially uncomfortable yesterday,” her mother wrote. “We understand they are both very young, but we cannot monitor those conversations as closely. I also understand at this age they most likely do not see gender the same as older children do, but we cannot seem to find an appropriate balance for their friendship that makes my husband feel comfortable. ... I need to respect my husband’s perspective.”
I mean... Do you though? Because some perspectives do not deserve respect.
Jenjersnap, at this point, was through with being entirely demure.
“Yikes. These are two elementary aged children who are friends. That’s it. I’m sorry that your husband is sexualizing these 9 year olds, and that you seem to be supporting his ideals.
“I will definitely continue to allow my son to be friends with girls, so he grows up understanding that they aren’t just sexual objects. He will learn how to be empathetic, how to communicate respectfully, and how to be inclusive.I’ve removed [daughter’s] info from my son’s contact list, but now I need to go console him, try to explain what just happened, and make sure he knows he did nothing wrong.”
Unfortunately, her inconsolable son really can’t get it. And we don’t blame him because neither do we. Here’s hoping this little boy and his mom stay cool and this little girl grows up to be appropriately rebellious.
