this is not good

A Couple Is Going To War Over Naming Their Baby Boy & The Internet Is Taking Sides

They both agreed mom could name the baby — that is, until the dad heard the name.

Two parents are in a huge argument over the name of their new baby boy, and they took to Reddit to f...
Halfpoint Images/Getty/Reddit

Choosing a baby name is a big responsibility. You’re giving someone part of their identity, usually for life. In two-parent households, coming up with a name choice that both people like can be a bit of a challenge, but most couples find a way to compromise and find a solution that everyone is happy with.

Well, not this one couple.

They had a pretty strict deal about baby names, but now no one is cooperating. The dad has turned to the “Am I The Asshole?” subReddit to settle the dispute, but he might not like what everyone has to say.

Here’s how he explained the issue:

“Before my wife and I got married, we made an agreement that she would get to name our first boy, and I would get to name our first girl,” he opened. “We recently discovered that she was pregnant with twins, and after talking about it, we decided to stick to our original plan. I thought everything would be fine, but ever since I heard the name she chose, we've been having problems.”

The big problem is that he absolutely hates the name she has chosen for their baby boy.

“The name is bad,” he continued. “It sounds really stupid, and it's absolutely the kind of name that will get our son bullied. I immediately vetoed it, but my wife said I can't because that wasn't our agreement. I asked why she insisted on this particular name. Apparently it comes from a character she identified with in one of her favorite books when she was growing up. But emotional attachment doesn't make the name itself any better.”

His reaction was... not mature.

“I said fine, then I may as well name our daughter Hortensia Beerbong the Third,” he said. “It sounds just as dumb. She told me I couldn't do that, and I just said why not? It's my choice. That was the agreement. We've been at an impasse ever since.”

Now things are escalating to the point where he’s afraid she’ll run and give birth without him and he’s having a relative keep tabs on her when he’s away.

“Recently, she's started hinting she might just take off around her due date and give birth somewhere without me and my naming input,” he wrote. “I think that's uncalled for, but I've got a week long business trip that I can't get out of about a month before she's due, and I'm worried she'll take the opportunity to disappear until after the twins are here. I've told my brother to keep an eye on her while I'm gone, but it's not like he can watch her 24/7.”

So, that’s the mess.

“I think her name choice is dumb and will cause problems for our son, and she thinks I'm being controlling and overdramatic. Neither of us are willing to back down, but with her hints about skipping town for the birth I've been wondering if things have gone too far.”

Well, yes, things have definitely gone too far.

Down in the comments, it’s revealed that the name in question is Neville, as in the lovable but awkward Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter. It’s a bit of a dated British name... but is it that bad?

People responding to the thread were mostly in agreement over one thing: both the man and the woman in this couple have way more issues to work through than a baby name.

“I think you and your wife have more issues than just naming the children,” one person wrote. “For her to threaten to take off and have the birth without you, and name the children to spite you, and then you escalating by asking your brother to watch her, is NOT a good indicator for the health of your marriage.”

Good summary.

“PLEASE get into couples therapy or some kind of marriage counseling, and quickly before your two children come and things get even more intense and it’s too late and hectic to change this behavior,” another wrote. “It might seem normal to you, but the behavior you two have is not normal at all and will undoubtedly traumatize your children in the future. I know from personal experience. I’m not trying to condemn you or your wife, but you both need to change this dynamic ASAP, or your kids will have way bigger problems then a silly name.”

And then there was a whole secondary argument over whether the name “Neville” is as horrible as the husband believes that it is.

“Neville would not stand out in any of my kids' classrooms,” one person said. “Longbottom absolutely would.”

“Neville in the Harry Potter books is a badass,” another argued. “He stood up to his friends to do the right thing. He over came lifelong trauma (of seeing his tortured parents loose their minds), and pulled the sword of Gryffindor from the sorting hat in the battle for Hogwarts to slay Nagini (the last horcrux) and help Harry beat Voldemort. He was a true friend to Harry and by the end of the series had grown to be a man his parents and grandmother would be proud of. You can also use Val as a nickname.”

Many people also argued that there’s only one way to name babies if you’re in a two-parent family: “One no, two yes.”

It’s a popular way to do it for a reason.