The Internet Is Totally Divided After A Wife Didn’t Get Her Husband “A Single Hour Off” For Father’s Day
There is so much more to the story though!
Anecdotes about disappointed dads on Father’s Day are far and few between compared to that of moms who feel a lack of appreciation on Mother’s Day. However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some dads out there who have a complaint or two about how the holiday dedicated to them was celebrated.
One mom felt the wrath of her husband’s disappointment on Father’s Day and asked Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole?” thread if she was in the wrong for how the day was handled — or rather, not really handled at all.
The mom of three explained that on Father’s Day she was still recovering from a c-section and basically on “bed rest,” all while juggling two young kids and a 1-month-old infant.
“Unless it's to go to the bathroom or changing or feeding my baby, I'm pretty much always sitting or laying down,” she wrote for context. “I don't like it, but it's what my body needs to heal right now. Both my husband and I are still on maternity/paternity leave.”
Since she is pretty much out of commission until fully healed from a major abdominal surgery, her husband has been taking care of the kids, the house, etc. However, she is aware he’s getting burnt out.
“I can tell it's starting to wear on him mentally and physically. Neither of us is sleeping well and I swear he looks like he's lost more weight than I have since the baby came,” she wrote.
On Father’s Day, she was feeling worse than usual and tried to put in an effort to make the day special for his husband as much as she could, but apparently, it wasn’t up to his standards.
“Due to me being pretty much immobile, I can't really go out of the house to do anything without assistance. So I wasn't able to plan anything really fun for Father's Day,” she explained.
“I did help the older kids make him cards and ordered him some nice steaks to cook though. I felt bad because for Mother's Day he bought me a 6-hour pregnancy spa treatment and took the older kids out of the house all day so I could have peace.”
She continued. “But on the morning of Father's Day, I was feeling worse than usual as I had to strain myself the day before to pick up something off the floor and I aggravated my incision. So, I was laid up all day. Again, this meant my husband had to do literally everything that day. By the time he got the older kids to bed, I could tell he was irritated and upset.”
When the couple finally sat down to talk about the day, he had reached his breaking point. While trying to calm him down, the baby started to fuss and cry. She writes that her husband promptly lost it.
“He jumped up off the couch, grabbed a pillow, and screamed into it,” she wrote.
Though she attempted to pacify him while tending to a fussy baby, he continued to vent to her about how he needs a break and was upset that she “couldn't even find a way to give him a single hour of quiet on Father's Day.”
As she started to cry, he walked out of the room with the baby “without saying anything.”
After a few moments, he returned and apologized. Though he still insisted he needs a break and was going to talk to family about taking the older kids for a bit.
“He didn't even get to cook his steaks, he ate cold pizza for dinner,” she continued.
“I asked him what I was supposed to do because it's not like I can move or leave the house and he said I could have looked into a sitter for the kids or made them sit with me and watch a movie for an hour so he could have just a sliver of time for himself. He said he feels like his needs are at the bottom of the list and he just wanted to feel like he matters for one day,” she wrote.
The post soon went viral on Reddit, gaining over 8.5k upvotes and 3k comments from other Reddit users who weighed in on the couple’s dilemma. The post became quite polarizing with several users condemning the OP for “milking” her c-section (gross) and really feeling sorry for the dad in the situation.
Some users commented that this mom was, in fact, the a**hole for not even attempting to order food in so that her husband wouldn’t have to cook or reach out to a friend or family member to help take care of the kids.
“YTA. You are a recovering mother which everyone should understand but I’ve spent 30 seconds reading this and already thought ‘why didn’t she coordinate with a friend or family member etc to take the kids for a portion of the day,’” the commenter wrote.
“That takes bare minimum effort and shows how you care for your man on his day during this period where he’s been getting the job done. Hindsight is 20/20 but again YTA.”
Another echoed, “Just have the two older kids sit with you watching a kids tv show. And yea I have kids it is def doable. YTA”
Other Reddit users came to the defense of the mom of three, noting how incredibly difficult a c-section recovery can be while taking care of a newborn and two other children who, though older, still have needs.
“They're both going on a whole month of sleep deprivation at this point. So, whilst I understand where you're coming from, you and everyone else calling OP an AH have pretty unrealistic expectations of her,” they wrote.
“She was pregnant for (assuming) 9 months, recovering from major abdominal surgery (still another 2wks to go before that's ‘finished’ healing enough to function adequately), breastfeeding every few hours day and night (including cluster feeding), and they've still got 2 older kids to look after.”
“Dad is stepping up amazingly, but they'll both be struggling and (most likely) both be in survival mode right now. I'm honestly impressed OP managed to organize anything with the older kids to mark the day.”
Another wrote about how this situation is clearly hard on all involved. Both parents are struggling with sleep deprivation. Both parents are in the trenches (in some way) with the kids and their physical and mental healths are both taking an enormous hit.
“So, [No A**holes Here], but please listen to your husband's needs when he's communicating that he's struggling, and work on a plan together to work through it,” they wrote. “Sounds like getting the grandparents more involved with the older kids for a short period would be a great solution.”
“Mental health matters, for both of you as individuals, as parents, and as a couple. All the best.”
Read the entire “AITA” Reddit thread here.