not the a--hole

A Dad Is Upset That A Mom Of Multiples Left Her Babies Inside The House To Get A Break

“I start to have mini panic attacks when I can't get them to stop crying,” she wrote.

A young, overwhelmed mom turned to Reddit for advice when her partner berated her for taking a break...
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Having a newborn baby is no easy feat — the sleepless nights, the spit up, the utter exhaustion — it all takes a major toll. Now, imagine that kind of stress and multiply it by three. A young mom of two-month-old triplets turned to the internet to see if she was in the wrong for taking a break outside to avoid a panic attack while her three babies cried inside.

She explained in the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit that she’s a 20-year-old stay-at-home mom who is still working through her schooling. Understandably, she gets overwhelmed when the three infants are crying all at once, and she cannot seem to get them to calm down.

“Sometimes I just need some fresh air especially when I can't get them to stop crying and I find myself getting super frustrated to the point of tears, it's honestly so hard,” she wrote.

“My fiancé’s parents rented us a main floor apartment so when I step outside I'm literally just sitting on the chair right beside the door plus I have a baby monitor step up in their room and it has a camera on it I can literally see them and hear them so if anything happened I'd be able to quickly get to them.”

She explained that being able to take those short breathers really helps her not spiral out of control since she suffers from “mini panic attacks.” Taking a quick break from the madness of motherhood allows her to reset so she can regulate her emotions.

One day, her fiancé came home while she was taking a break and berated her for being away from the babies, calling her a “horrible mom” and other names she didn’t even want to repeat. He went so far as to tell his parents about her totally legit and justified break from the babies and turned them against her.

“My fiancé came home to me sitting outside while the babies were crying and freaked out on me calling me a horrible mom and a bunch of other names that I'm not gonna list here. He thinks that I was being super neglectful and putting the babies in harm way and even told his parents and now everyone seem to be really against me,” she wrote.

His parents thinking less of her hits even harder because they are the only parents she’s ever known. Despite all this, she still felt convicted that she has a right to take breaks now and then.

“I grew up in the system ... it breaks my [heart] that they are so upset with me, but I really don't think I was doing anything wrong or putting my babies in harm way, but they [seem] to think otherwise,” she continued.

Other Reddit users who read this young mom’s dilemma overwhelmingly agreed that she is not, in fact, the “a—hole.” Fellow moms flooded the comments to assure her that not only are her small breaks justified but also necessary.

“When I had my baby one of the things the nurses told me repetitively while in hospital and during the home visits is that if she is crying and I know she has been fed, she has a clean nappy on and she isn't sick and I am getting stressed out its ok to go outside for a few minutes to just recollect myself,” they wrote.

They went on to explain that a baby who is crying (because that’s just what babies do sometimes) is better than a baby who isn’t crying at all, alluding to those moments when parents lose their sanity and hurt their children out of frustration.

“This advice was so important. It allowed me to do what I needed to do without feeling guilty. And those few minutes really do help in those times when they won't settle. And I had one, let alone if I had three,” they concluded.

Another assured this young mom that she’s doing a great job, and every parent has those kind of moments, especially moms of multiples. “Dad came home to three crying alive babies. You were with them all day and kept them fed and clean, and you had a monitor on them while just feet away from them. You are a tired, amazing, NTA mom of these babies. Carry on, momma, they wrote.

After the overwhelming amount of love and support the OP received, she updated the group on the situation, revealing that she showed her fiancé the thread. “... at first he was really upset with me for sharing our personal problems with strangers on the internet even though it's anonymous,” she wrote.

“But in the end when he had a chance to [calm] down and hear me and all of you guys out he actually apologized and promised me he'd be more involved with parenting and even is willing to take parenting classes which I'll hold him to that,” she continued.

She concluded with a “thank you” to everyone in the subreddit for providing support to the new, young mom who is entitled to a break. She concluded, “I just wanna thank everyone for the support that you all give me it brought tears to my eyes (happy tears) seeing how supportive you all were to a stranger on the internet I don't think I ever received this much support before.”