A Mom Is Refusing To Volunteer At School This Holiday Season To Preserve Her Mental Health

It’s that time of year! Spirit weeks! Coat drives! Classroom parties! Oh my! And one mom says she is not having any of it this year. She is saying “no” to every single opportunity to volunteer and help out at school, and people have thoughts about it!

“It's that time of year where my kid's school asked for a million things of parents,” @heyempoweredmama begins in her video.

“And this year I decided that I was just gonna say ‘no,’ like, we're just not doing any of it. The donations, the drives, the volunteers for parties or field trips, it's just, it's a no.”

She says the decision to turn down all volunteering opportunities feels “freeing” as a person who struggled in 2025 with high-functioning anxiety.

“I have been struggling. And this is something that I decided ... because it feels like another thing I have to put on my to-do list and take on the mental load for. And I just don't have the capacity to do it,” she explained before noting that she also has kids born around this time a year so she’s planning for birthdays plus all the holidays.

“And you know what? It's okay. You're not gonna let your kids down. You're not gonna let the school down. There are other parents that want to step up and want to be able to do these things,” she says.

“They're going to be okay. And if this is something that feels like it's gonna break you this holiday season, put up that boundary and just know that it's okay to say no. And like honestly, you're probably gonna be so much better off protecting your own self. So you can show up for your kids when they are home from school.”

After her video gained some traction, several TikTok users (including some teachers) were less than impressed with this woman’s take.

One user said, “Saying there are other parents willing to pick up the slack is just false. There have been plenty of times that I have been literally the only parent supplying things for my child’s classroom because I refuse to leave it all on the teacher.”

“I am the room parent for my son’s class….other parents don’t step up, period. Everyone has the mindset that someone else will do it,” another echoed.

One teacher replied, “So I hear this. Loud and clear. But as a teacher, I notice that this seems to be every parent. No one steps up, no one donates. So please, and I say this with all the respect for your situation, please support your kids teacher when they cancel the fun things due to lack of support. We are barely making it too. And frankly when it comes down to MY kids or my students, MY kids are getting the extra.”

“So you refuse to participate in a toy drive?” another asked.

“Idk I just feel like saying donating a few cans to the food drive or a couple of hours to the Santa shop is gonna break you is a little wild. If you have the time and the financial means there’s literally no reason to say no,” another wrote.

Another user chimed in and wrote, “My mom was a low effort mom because of ‘anxiety’ — we aren’t close now”

The OP responded, “I get that and am sorry for that journey. I am actively working on healing my anxiety so I can be there for my kids in our own 4 walls! Taking so may actions.”

Some people in her comments supported her boundaries.

“Honestly, I completely understand. This is one of the reasons I don’t LOOOOVE the holidays the way others do. It’s like two months of chores. School parties, teacher gifts, cookie swaps, food drives, Christmas concerts, etc. etc. on top of everything else that has to be done this time of year? It’s a LOT. I have also had to set some boundaries in this department. I will participate and volunteer any other time of year. Christmas? The busiest time of year? Count me out,” one user wrote.

“Ya’ll, she clearly says she is struggling and is not able to handle the extra tasks right now. That doesn’t mean she has never done it in the past. It’s ok to prioritize our mental health. She doesn’t deserve the guilt trip here,” one user said in the OP’s defense.

Another said, “She said she can’t do it 🤷🏾‍♀️That’s ok.”

Other TikTok users tried to see a middle ground.

“I mean I don’t think doing at least ONE thing or sending in something. Your child benefits from it. How does that drown out someone’s anxiety? If you don’t want to do a party, donate an item. Teachers are really appreciative of even a box of tissues? Or have dad do it? I don’t want to do every activity, but my kids also notice if I don’t do something,” one user said.

One user with the top comment wrote, “Don’t worry, teachers like me are accustomed to picking up the slack and working even more (unpaid) when we don’t get enough parental support because WE don’t want to let our kids in our classroom down. 👍🏻,” one user wrote.

The OP replied to this comment with a video response, doubling down on the notion that parents are the ones doing too much in our kid’s classroom which results in teachers “taking that on.”

“I think that we have come to a point where we are doing too much in our kids' classroom. And the expectation of teachers taking that on is also too much ... it is a great time of year to reevaluate everything that is being done in the kids' classrooms,” she said.

“And unfortunately, that starts in the schools with the teachers.”

She recalls her kids old school, a privte school, where they did zero classroom parties besides one fun day at the end of the year.

“There was an overwhelming response to that being positive ... Like, maybe the issue is that we're doing too much and everyone is burnt out and everyone is taking on too much of this mental load. And our kids don't need us to do that much in the schools,” she said.

As you can guess, the responses were also mixed! In my humble opinion, she could at least write a check...