Today’s moms are always wondering what exactly happened to that village we were promised. Our entire lives, we’ve heard the infamous phrase, “It takes a village!” when referring to raising kids. So...where exactly did that village go? Seems like burnout and mom rage are the village now instead of grandparents, neighbors, and a real community.
If moms truly want said village, they need to seek it out. They need to pay for it — literally. One mom is warning moms-to-be or women thinking about having kids to get their finances in order before starting a family.
TikTok mom and content creator, Chancè, stitched another woman’s viral TikTok video where the original creator begs for people to stop telling moms that “it takes a village” when they have no village.
“Because all you're really doing is reminding them that they're stuck doing it all alone when they're not meant to do it all alone,” she says.
Chancè has some thoughts about that, and honestly, she’s not wrong.
“What we need to do is start telling mothers that the village is no longer free,” she says.
“We need to start telling future mothers to financially plan ahead for their village. Plan ahead for a nanny. Plan ahead for a housekeeper. Plan ahead for a meal prep. Plan ahead for a postpartum care nurse.”
She then goes on to recommend that women need to be more mindful when settling down and choosing who they want to have kids with because for a lot of women who have participating and present partners, that’s the village right there. A partner who pulls their weight in a relationship, including parenting duties, mental labor, and household chores can make all the difference.
“We need to start telling future mothers to pick their partner wisely. Not only pick a man who wants kids, but pick a man who also wants to be a father. We need to start telling them to talk about the division of labor super early on in their relationship,” she says.
Chancè reiterates that moms were not meant to do all of this alone, a village is still necessary for moms to actually thrive as parents instead of burning out. However, times have changed, and a village can still be available for moms — they just need to prepare ahead of time to pay up for that help.
“We need to make sure they understand a free village is no longer realistic, but it does not mean they're supposed to be doing this alone. It just means they literally have to pay for their village so they should very very very much plan ahead for that,” she concluded.
After her post went viral, thousands of TikTok users flooded Chancè’s comment section with their own perspectives on a “village.”
One user wrote, “I was a nanny/household manager and it really taught me how insane it is to expect a mom to do it alone”
“Girl that’s a whole job and a hard one at that,” the OP replied.
Even with the advice of planning ahead, some moms may still be left with no village to be found because they simply can’t afford it.
A 2020 report found that the national average annual cost of childcare was $10,174 per child. That’s more than 10% of the median dual income for a married couple, and more than 35% percent of the median income for a single parent.
With childcare costs so astronomically high (and many salaries so low), some families opt for one parent to stay home because it just doesn’t make sense to have one parent working just to cover the cost of childcare. This is what can lead to burnout, default parenting woes, and an overall strain on a marriage and family.