common sense

Woman Absolutely Nails The Invisible Load Of Moms Having To Plan Their Own Birthdays

Husbands, get out a notebook, this is important.

Originally Published: 
In a now-viral video, a TikTok mom explains where men fall short when it comes to making their wives...
@sheisapaigeturner / TikTok

Husbands, when your wife tells you she wants to do nothing to plan for her birthday, she means it! That includes planning the activity for the day, selecting a gift, picking a place for dinner, and every other small detail you might not think goes into planning but does. You know, all the things that your wife usually has covered.

So many tasks come with the invisible labor of motherhood, and according to TikTok mom, Paige Turner, that even includes planning their own birthdays. In her now-viral video, Turner explains that when a wife and mom explain that she doesn’t want to do anything for her birthday, she also means all the decisions that come with it!

Turner says most moms feel this way about their birthdays or Mother’s Day because they are completely “tapped out.” They are drained from decision fatigue.

“They say, ‘I don't wanna do anything, okay? Can you just take the reins and you run from here?’” Turner explains. “And the husband will go, ‘Sure, of course, babe.’”

And then, Turner launches into an all-too-familiar impression of a husband who just cannot get his s**t together and use some context and general knowledge about his wife to make some executive decisions. Instead, he peppers her with endless questions.

“‘So, what do you think? You can do a massage or do you want dinner? And if dinner, I do care where we go. I'll book of reservation. I was thinking this place or this place, which one do you want? And if you want a massage, can you send me the link? Cause I forgot where you like to go,’” Turner says.

“‘And yeah, and what do you want for your birthday ... can you send me the link for that? I need the link, so I can buy it. So, do you mind sending me what you want and I'll buy that for you? And who do you think should watch the kids? I mean, I could call a babysitter, but I don't have the numbers. Can you give me their numbers and maybe I'll call my parents. Do you think I should? Do you mind calling my parents and you can talk to them?”

“And do we have anything on that day? What day do you want to do it by the way? Do you want to do it on your birthday, or do you want to do it on Sunday? Or like a Saturday easier? Are you taking the day off from work? What day do you want to do it?’”

If that scenario doesn’t make you want to burst into flames of full-on rage, then I don’t know what will! Moms just want to do nothing, and yet, with husbands who can’t seem to grasp that concept, they end up doing so much emotional labor.

“This happens to women all the time,” Turner continues. “And men will say, ‘Oh my God, just tell me what you want!’ And they say, ‘I am telling you what I want. I want to do nothing.’”

“I think the problem is men aren't hearing it because they don't understand what nothing means. We mean we truly want to do nothing. We want to think about nothing, plan nothing. I don't even care where we go to dinner, and if you know me well enough because you're my husband and you should, you'll know what I want to eat. You'll know restaurants that I hate, food that I hate, food that I like because you're my husband.”

Several TikTok users chimed in with their own experiences with a husband who just can’t seem to get it together for his wife.

One user wrote, “I tell my husband ‘act like it’s our first date’ aka you plan everything down to the last detail and all I have to do show up…or not 😅”

“Something snapped in me after my third child was born and now I just up and leave for the day. I take myself shopping, out to eat and spend the day ALONE,” another wrote.

Another user clarified, “And this does NOT mean they do not want to celebrate their birthday/go out. They just don’t want to have to plan their birthday themselves!!!”

“That also means not to have to clean up the mess the next day from her nothing day,” one user wrote.

And if this wasn’t completely obvious, when she says she wants to do ‘nothing,’ she doesn’t mean that she literally doesn’t want to be taken to dinner or receive a gift. So let’s not get that twisted because I’m sure there’s some man out there who will show up empty-handed on his wife’s birthday and say, “Well, you said you wanted nothing!”

Let’s keep that same energy for Father’s Day, ladies!

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