Woman Wonders If She’s In The Wrong For Telling Her Sister-In-Law To Brush Her Kids’ Hair

There’s nothing more rage-worthy than unsolicited advice about your parenting, especially when it comes from in-laws. One woman didn’t quite get this memo and decided to tell her sister-in-law how to keep up with the hygiene of her children, instigating a war of words between the two relatives.

In a now-viral post on the “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit thread, a woman is asking if she’s in the wrong after telling her sister-in-law that she should brush her children’s hair.

The OP admits to being the “young, childless” sister. She has observed her brother and sister-in-law’s older kids (8 and 5) get themselves ready for school in the morning.

“Basically they just get dressed in unmatched clothes. They are not washed, dressed for the weather or have brushed hair. (If they do, they forget the back),” she wrote before sharing that she decided to voice her opinion about the kids’ hair to her family.

“I actually forgot how it became the topic at my father’s birthday dinner. But they said their oldest doesn’t like to brush his hair. I said, ‘Then they should do it because it needs to be done.’ ... She told me she didn’t want to brush his hair when she wants to get out of the house to work. (Mind you, she wears make up daily and my brother drives the children.) I stated how wrong I think this is and one should care for their kids after getting them.”

That’s when, according to the OP, the sister-in-law went off, and the two had a pretty visceral verbal exchange.

“This was the second time I ever commented on a parenting issue of theirs. My field of study involved child sociology and developmental psychology. And I stand by keeping basic hygiene on a regular basis. We were not talking about arriving once with unkempt hair,” she wrote.

“I feel so sad for my mom, who has been through this already and keeps her mouth shut for the sake of seeing her grandchildren...So, am I the a*shole for not having kept my mouth shut?”

WOW! First off, as a mom of a child with unruly hair, I do brush it out if we’re leaving the house to go somewhere. However, I will say it’s a freaking battle. It’s an “OW!” every five seconds and her head needs to be drenched in detangling spray. There have been so many times when I have given up on brushing midway through because it is just not worth the trouble.

One Reddit user asked for some clarification from the OP about the state of the kids.

“INFO: Are the kids generally clean and just have tangled hair? Are their mismatched clothes clean?”

The OP replied, “No, the kids are slim, pale, wear worn-out shoes from the oldest, are often clothed to cold for the weather, pack their bags to visit the grandparents themselves (so my mom keeps extra on hand she bought), they always have the hair on their backs tangled, have very over the place home made hair cuts and the oldest has neurodermatitis which he does not get skin care for ‘because he doesn’t like it.’

“They are not poor. They are both on a German teacher salary and just bought a new Tesla.”

This does bring up some interesting questions, especially for those in the comments section saying that (from what the OP is saying) this seems neglectful.

“If you believe the kids are being seriously neglected in all these big ways, why is your whole post focused on their inadequate hair brushing?” one user asked.

One Reddit user commented and wrote, “YTA. You know what is not a hill to die on in parenting? Unkept hair. It simply isn’t. I am sure the kids have baths regularly. Unmatched clothes are also NOT a hill to die on. Parents know this. People who have half a degree in child psychology do not (or a full degree).

“You created drama and stirred the pot and then want to claim that your SIL ‘showed her true colors’ when she didn’t put up with what you said? Seriously? All you had to do was not comment.”

Another said, “Yeah, YTA. Your SIL’s reaction was a bit extreme, but the way your nephews brush their hairs is in no way your business. And it’s rich for you to say that this was only ‘the second time you ever commented’, as if this was a good thing, when in reality it was two times too much when you criticized their parenting.”

“YTA. You don’t tell parents how to raise their children. No cares about your degree, advice is never welcomed unless it was asked for.”

Some other users sided with the OP, stating that from what she described, these kids may be neglected.

“My mom couldn’t be bothered to get us off to school. I am old and I still remember the embarrassment of stopping to pick up a friend on the way to school and her mom brushing my hair straightening my clothes and offering me food because I was so hungry I couldn’t stop looking at their breakfast. NTA,” one user wrote.

Hey, I have a question! Why is all the anger from the OP directed at the sister-in-law? Why is the mother of the kids getting the flak for unkempt hair? Their dad, her brother, is just as capable of running a comb through their hair.