Confessions Of A Pediatrician: I Bed-Shared With My Newborn

by Sonal Patel, MD
Originally Published: 
Young mother and cute little baby co-sleeping together in bed.
Julia Meslener for Scary Mommy and Prostock-Studio/Getty

I remember lying in my bed after my second delivery in severe pain. With my first delivery, I had already endured a C-section. Four years later, I wanted to experience a “natural” delivery. I opted for a VBAC (vaginal delivery after C-section).

The VBAC quickly turned into an emergency where the maternal fetal medicine physician gave me two options: Get this baby out now, or undergo an emergent C-section. My mind flashed back to the arduous recovery of the C-section. I really wanted to avoid that path. With the help of forceps and a couple of pushes, my baby was born. Drugged up on happiness and medications, I did not realize that the forceps had literally torn me up below, and I had sustained grade three and four vaginal tears.

Now, back home, the pain came in waves. Trying to balance breastfeeding, pain medications, treating a uterine infection, and just using the bathroom without feeling every stitch was completely overwhelming.

My favorite position to breastfeed with my C-section was side-lying, a position in which mom and baby lie down and face each other. I quickly taught my second son this position as well. Though my third and fourth sons’ deliveries were easier, I employed this method of nursing. Side-lying allowed me to rest, recover, and heal in my postpartum period. Nestled with my baby, I would fall asleep and bed share.

I am a board-certified pediatrician further trained in neonatology, and a breastfeeding specialist with a CLE (Certified Lactation Educator) designation. In my training, I have personally been involved with two failed resuscitation of newborns that bed-shared.

So how could I even fathom bed-sharing? The answer needs a broader view — but first, let’s look at the controversy of bed sharing.

There are two words that often get intertwined regarding sleeping next to newborns. Co-sleeping and bed-sharing. Co-sleeping is sleeping in proximity to your newborn that includes room sharing and bed-sharing. Bed-sharing is physically sharing the same space your newborn sleeps in, including a bed or a sofa.

Co-sleeping is a natural human behavior that promotes breastfeeding and infant development, and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends sharing a room with your baby for at least the first six months, but preferably for the first year.

Bed-sharing can lead to an increased risk of neonatal deaths and SUDS (Sudden Unexplained Death Syndrome, previously known as SIDS: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

The controversy of bed sharing is polarized. Both sides cite research and personal accounts.

JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty

Just recently, January 2020, the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine (ABM) revised their protocol around bed-sharing. Under the right circumstances (no smokers, no prematurity, no sofa, bed on the floor, and breastfeeding). the ABM supports beds-haring that leads to increased breastfeeding duration. This is in stark difference to the AAP, who still currently denounces bed-sharing. (Side note: both organizations consist of board-certified pediatricians.)

So, in all the noise, how did I resolve my medical training, my postpartum healing, and successful breastfeeding with my exhaustion?

My village.

In my Indian culture, it is standard for moms to deliver in their maternal home and rest. A hybrid of this thought process is evident in other world cultures as well.

Here in the States, my mother — a family physician — always took two weeks off after my delivery. My mother-in-law would follow with another two weeks. My husband would scatter his days off accordingly. The importance of my healing was also center stage.

Prior to side-lying breastfeed, I would inform my village. They would check on me in five- to ten-minute increments. If my baby and I were asleep, they would take him away and place him in the bassinet. In the middle of the night, I placed 30-minute timers on my phone and woke my husband. My village supported my postpartum transition. I was allowed to heal, breastfeed, and recover.

The burden was not solely on me to keep this delicate newborn healthy and safe. The responsibility was disseminated to my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, my father, my siblings, and later on in the years my 13-year-old even helped. My village recognized that I just had a baby!

This leads to a bigger conversation regarding the flaws with the United States’ postpartum care, lofty demands placed on mothers with little support, in terms of things such as treatment for postpartum depression and a lack of paid family leave.

All these topics can be picked apart, but the concrete thread is the underlying lack of support postpartum moms face, and the importance of this period in ensuring a healthy transition for not just babies, but moms.


The controversy of newborn sleep again adds all the responsibility be placed on mom. A mom who is healing, attempting to breastfeed, sleep deprived, and just plain exhausted.

So what is, and can be, achieved to support a healthy postpartum transition?

At the state and federal levels, policies are being constructed to address postpartum mental health and paid family leave. I encourage you to be informed. At community levels, churches and organizations have newborn clothes and diaper drives; donate to local groups. At a friend and family level, forgo the cute outfit and instead invest in postpartum doulas, lactation consultants, and meal services. While visiting, allow mom a nap.

Lastly, in the United States, if you are compelled to bed share, please be open with your pediatrician. There might be issues that you have not been able to identify such as postpartum depression that your pediatrician, as an objective party, can detect.

In order to practice safer bed-sharing, you must be breastfeeding, no smoking or smoke exposure, no alcohol, and your baby cannot be premature or low birth weight. If you fit all these important criteria and still want to bed-share, the research-based guidelines per the ABM are thus:

1. Place the firm mattress on the floor and away from walls to prevent wedging of the infant.

2. The sleep order is baby and mom. Mom needs to be in a C-curved position termed “cuddle curl.” Dad can sleep elsewhere.

3. Babies should still practice safe sleep techniques such as sleeping on backs, sleep sack, no blankets, soft toys or pillows around the baby or mattress.

If you want to practice this way, then you have to follow ALL these guidelines, absolutely no shortcuts.

In reality, few people actually execute all of these guidelines, and this is where we get into trouble. People are willing to cite pieces of research supporting their argument, but fail to follow the written guidelines.

Bed-sharing is still a risk in the United States.

However, moving forward, hopefully there will be more open discussion regarding individual newborn sleep decisions, identifying better postpartum support, and not overlooking the health and well-being of the major player in infant success: the mom.

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