Did you know “International Talk Like A Pirate Day” is September 19? That’s right. The pirate’s life and language is so popular, it warrants its very own “holiday.” Whether you’re here on September 19th or just looking for some laughs for a pirate-obsessed kiddo, you’ve come to the right place. Pulling from their well-known grunts and even picking at their lack of limbs, all of these pirate jokes are Grade A material for fun family laughs. At least for the kiddos.
Pirate Jokes Pt. 1
1. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think, therefore they ARRRR!
2. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
3. How do you save a dying pirate?
4. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
5. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ye left him.
6. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
He needed a little arrrrg and arrrg
7. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?
8. Where do pirates keep their valuables?
In a jarrrrr
9. What do you call a pirate with both eyes and all his limbs?
10. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers!
11. Why’d the pirate join Gold’s Gym?
To improve his booty
12. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
He bought it on sail.
13. How do you turn a pirate furious?
Take away the “p.”
14. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved.
15. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
16. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
17. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
18. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
19. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?
20. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
Because booty is only shin deep
Pirate Jokes Pt. 2
21. Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
22. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C.
23. Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store?
He needed a new ipatch
24. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
25. What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate?
Barry D. Treasure
26. Why does the pirate carry his sword?
Because swords can’t walk. Duh.
27. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg.
28. To err is human. To arr pirate.
29. What’s a pirate use his cell phone for?
30. Where do pirates go for a drink?
31. What do you call a stupid pirate?
The pillage idiot
32. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
Because he was standing on the deck.
33. What’s a pirates favorite part of a song?
34. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
35. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A pumpkin patch.
Pirate Jokes Pt. 1, Matey!
36. Why type of socks do pirates wear?
37. What did the first mate send down the toilet?
The Captain’s log!
38. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
Aye matey years old!
39. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
40. Why did the pirate cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop
41. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
Because they already have all the booty!
42. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.
43. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
44. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
45. How much does it cost for a Pirate to get his ears pierced?
‘Bout a Buccaneerrrrr( buck an ear)
46. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of food?
47. What do you call a pirate with no arms and no legs?
An expert pirate.
48. What do you call a pirate with 2 arms and 2 legs?
49. Why are pirates pirates?
Because they Arrrrrrgh!
50. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
51. What do you call a pirate that skips class?
52. A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: “They’re benign.”
The pirate replies: “no, no doc, there be 11. I counted them before I came here.”
53. How do you make a pirate very angry?
You take away the “p”.
54. What do pirates wear when it gets really cold?
55. How did the pirate call his mate?
On his aye phone.
Pirate-worthy Pick Up Lines
Let’s face it: Just like jokes, pick up lines are inherently silly. While these definitely aren’t kid-appropriate, it doesn’t mean that you can’t use ‘em on your partner.
1 Prepare to be boarded!
2. Permission to fire my cannon through your portholes? 3. Aye, Pirate! Is that a hornpipe in your pocket or are ye happy to me? 4. I know where you can bury your treasure. 5. Wanna see the world’s best pirate booty? 6. Your Jolly Roger ain’t the only thing ye’ll be raisin’ tonight. 7. Arrrrrrrrre ye free tonight, after bedtime? 8. Care if my parrot watches while ye board me ship, matey? 9. Lookin’ for booty? Mine’s ready for pillaging. 10. Yo ho ho! I’ve got a bottle of rum and a penchant for making drunken mistakes. 11. Can I help making your roger a little more jolly? 12. Let’s head back to me ship and rock the boat.
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