just no

A Woman Wonders If She Can Get Her Baby Shower Gift Back After Friend Suffered A Miscarriage

She had the audacity to wonder if she was the a**hole.

Originally Published: 
A woman is wondering if she'd be a jerk for asking for her baby shower present back after the expect...

A woman’s off-putting request has Reddit's “Am I The A**hole” thread in a tizzy after she asked fellow Redditors if she would be a jerk for asking her friend who suffered a miscarriage to give back her $400 baby shower gift.

She acknowledged that the situation sounded “awful,” and it was a “terrible thing to do” by even thinking of asking for the gift back, but she said her husband, who is actually closer with the friend, chimed in, mentioning how much they spent on a gift that would “go to waste and likely never be used.”

“It's been a few months since her loss and my husband is now unsure of how to navigate the gift. It's not something she can use for her older kid. Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore onto her grief, and it's probably past the return window anyway,” she wrote.

“I'm also not sure if she's going to keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet. Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel.”

She continued, “It's one thing if she's able to get a few years of use out of the item, that's money well spent. But if it's going to sit in a box in her attic for years...that's where we are getting stuck.”

The OP wants to know if she and her husband would be the a**holes for asking about getting the gift back.

“Ideally we could get our money back somehow although it's probably too late. If we can't then I'd at least like to gift it to someone else who can use it (I feel awful just saying that but it's how I feel). However this is such a sensitive subject and we don't want to pressure her if she's not ready to discuss it,” she concluded.

Reddit users came in full-force, noting that not only would she and her husband be complete a**holes for asking for the gift back, but her tone in her Reddit post was also extremely harsh-sounding.

“I feel like OP (original poster) is looking at this like a wedding gift when the wedding was called off. You’re supposed to return those. But that’s not what this is, and OP needs to get her head straight about that,” one user wrote.

Another matter-of-factly responded, “YTA it was a gift. It shouldn't come with terms and conditions. You gave it away. It's gone.”

Another pointed out that not only is this woman going through something deeply traumatic, but she did not ask the OP and her husband to spend that kind of money on a gift. That is on them.

“She’s just lost her baby and her fertility. Don’t kick someone when they’re down. When she’s ready, she will probably sell your gift and use the money for something else, hopefully something that brings her joy,” the Reddit user wrote.

“You decided to spend a lot of money on a gift. Maybe give less in the future if you are going to feel resentful later. But do NOT add to this woman’s pain so you can get your money back. That’s monstrous.”

Once thousand’s more comments rolled in, the OP responded to the original thread and made things even worse for herself even though she concluded that she and her husband will let the entire gift thing go.

“People have also commented on my tone and I just wanted to clarify that Jen is truly only my husband's friend, not mine. We aren't "couples friends" with her and her husband. Jen and my husband were close as kids but haven't been close for years (before I ever came into the picture), sort of like a cousin you grew up with but only talk to at major holidays now,” she wrote.

“I don't hate Jen, but we have very different world views so, we likely won't ever be close. I'm sympathetic to Jen's loss as a person and as a person who has also experienced miscarriages. But I am not personally devastated by it if that makes sense.”

Sure sounds like she’s over the whole gift thing, doesn’t it? Bombastic side-eye being thrown over here.

Reddit users continued to pile on the woman, noting that her heartless manner should be more of concern than her bank account.

One user summed the situation up perfectly and said, “I don’t know how you can hear someone had a miscarriage and potentially can no longer have children and then worry about how to get your gift back.”

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