22 Sailing Jokes That Will Send You Into Waves Of Laughter

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
sailing jokes
Nikola Radojcic/Unsplash

There’s nothing quite like a wave and a good sailing joke to make a new maritime friendship. We don’t mean to say that sailing isn’t serious business — the beauty of the open sea may have you looking for inspiring quotes, or for romantic sayings when the sun sets over the waves. But sometimes, after all that hard work and introspection, you need a little laugh to break the waves. These sailing jokes will leave you lost at sea with laughter!

1. What do you do with a drunker sailor?

Worry he’s gonna get wrecked!

2. “Can you go pick up my boat? It’s at the dock.”

Oh no! Is it sick? You should give it some vitamin sea.

3. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender says: “Hey, did you know you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants?”

“Aye, sir that it be, “says the pirate, “it’s driving me nuts!”

4. At the regatta, the blue sailboat hit the red one…

They were marooned!

5. Guy goes out on a friends yacht and asks, “don’t these cheap yachts sink all the time.”

His brother answers: “All the time? If it’s gonna sink, it’ll only be once!”

6. Two sailors talking, the first one says, “My girlfriend just sailed to the Caribbean.”

“Jamaica?” The other one asked.

“Heck no! She’d been wanting to go for a long time.”

7. When is it time to paint another coat on a pirate ship?

When its timbers be shivering!

8. What do British sea monsters eat?

Why fish and ships, of course!

9. Guy at the Marina: “So which of these boats is the one I won in the dice game?”

“Yacht C,” the attendant says.

“No. Craps!”

10. Don’t worry. Schooner or later, you’ll learn to sail!

Related: 100+ Nerdy Science Jokes For The Little Genius In Your Life

11. Why do pirates have such a hard time remembering the alphabet?

They get lost at “C”.

12. How do boats say hello to one another?

They wave!

13. Pirate at the pirate awards: “And I would like to thank me wife, me daughters, and last boat not least, my ship!’

14. What do sailors get when they’re finally cured of writer’s block?

A tidal wave.

15. What did Watson say to his boss when he noticed their boat had to be towed?

“No shit! Sherlock.”

16. I went to the Black Friday sale at the boat store.

It was quite an oar deal.

17. Why is the boat always getting great deals?

It loves a sail.

18. How do you know when a boat is feeling affectionate?

When it hugs the shore!

19. What’s the sailor’s favorite detergent?


20. What did they call the boat that refused to let sea men on?


21. How do you rejuvenate an old boat?


22. Where do zombies go sailing?

In the Dead Sea.


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