'You're Killin' Me, Smalls!' And Other Iconic Sandlot Quotes To Drop In Casual Convo

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The Sandlot Quotes
20th Century Fox

If you ask any ’80s baby or ’90s kid to list their favorite movies growing up, odds are The Sandlot will land right at the top. Who among us didn’t wish we were as cool — or as fast — as Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez? Or funny like Hamilton “Ham” Porter”? Anyone who has ever been the new kid could relate to the plight of Scotty Smalls, a self-professed science nerd whose family moved to a new town right before summer. In your circle of friends, everyone probably had their favorite player from this rag-tag team of ballers, right? (#TeamSquints forever!) But one thing indubitably remains universal among diehard fans: We all drop Sandlot quotes into casual conversation on the reg. In fact, you’ve probably said, “You’re killin’ me, Smalls!” at least once this week already.

Yep, The Sandlot lives right there with iconic ’90s movies like Clueless and Jurassic Park. It’s that sort of nostalgia that drives us to watch it again (and again and again) — and that compels us to read every article that comes out about it (hi, thanks for being here). While doing so, we’ve picked up a few interesting facts that make us love this fun summer film even more. For example, did you know that director David Mickey Evans had Tom Guiry, who plays Smalls, and Mike Vitar, who plays Benny, meet and rehearse together for weeks before the rest of the cast arrived to film? He wanted the close bond between Smalls and Benny to shine, and it worked! The other kids on the set actually believed Guiry and Vitar must have been friends for a long time before the movie. See? That makes you want to go re-watch it right now, doesn’t it?

If cueing up this cult classic just isn’t in the cards at the moment, enjoy reading through these iconic Sandlot quotes. Even the Great Bambino would have to agree that the writers really knocked it out of the park with these lines.

Best Sandlot Quotes


  1. “Benny would’ve played ball all day and all night. Rain, shine, tidal wave, whatever; it didn’t matter. Baseball was the only thing he cared about and everything else was just a waste of time.” — Narrator
  2. “There was only eight of them, so they didn’t have a whole team. So even though I didn’t know how to play, I figured I could be the ninth man… and maybe just stand in the outfield somewhere and take up space.” — Smalls
  3. “See, there’s just some things that are, ya know, stuff that it’s better not to talk about… ’cause thinkin’ about it just makes it worse.” — Squints
  4. “There was only one night game a year. On the Fourth of July, the whole sky would brighten up with fireworks, giving us just enough light for a game. We played better then, too. Because, I guess, we all felt like Big Leaguers under the lights at some great stadium.” — Narrator
  5. “Hurry up, batter. It’s gotta be a short game, then I gotta get home for lunch.” — Ham
  6. “Oh yeah, the Great Bambino. Of course! I thought you said the Great Bambi.” — Smalls
  7. “They never kept score. They never chose sides. They never even really stopped playing the game. It just went on forever. Every day, they picked up right where they left off the day before. It was an endless ‘dream game.'” — Narrator
  8. “For-ev-er.” — Squints
  9. “What are you laughing at, Yeah-Yeah? You run like a duck.” — Benny
  10. “Remember, kid; there’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart, kid, and you’ll never go wrong.” — Babe Ruth
  11. “I’ve been coming here every summer of my adult life, and every summer there she is oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling… smiling. I can’t take this no more!” — Squints
  12. “The Beast was the most perfect junkyard dog that ever lived. A true killing machine. But after a while, the cops started getting phone calls from people reporting all the missing thieves, the ones The Beast had killed.” — Squints
  13. “That’s the way I play. 100 percent. All the time.” — Mr. Mertle
  14. “We all knew Benny was different. We knew that he was gonna go on to bigger and better games. Because every time we stopped to watch the sky that night like regular kids, Benny was there to call us back.” — Narrator
  15. “Just stand out there and stick your glove out in the air. I’ll take care of it.” — Benny
  16. “You bob for apples in the toilet. And you like it!” — Phillips
  17. “You’re killin’ me, Smalls!” — Ham
  18. “I seen a guy once that threw like that. I mean not that bad, but at least so bad that he hadda move in the fourth grade ’cause they nicknamed him ‘Bloomers.'” — Squints
  19. “Now, the key to this game is that you got to keep an eye on the ball no matter whether you’re in a field or on the bed, eye on the ball, OK?” — Bill
  20. “Michael Squints Palledorous walked a little taller that day. And we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn’t beat the crap out of him. We wouldn’t have blamed her. What he’d done was sneaky, rotten, and low… and cool. Not another one among us would have ever in a million years for a million dollars have the guts to put the move on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time I walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over at Squints, and smiled.” — Smalls
  21. “You mix your Wheaties with your mama’s toe jam!” — Ham
  22. “George Herman Ruth got his nickname because his mom died when he was just a little kid, and he hadda go live in an orphanage.” — Benny
  23. “Smalls, Babe Ruth is the greatest baseball player that ever lived. People say he was less than a god but more than a man. You know, like Hercules or something. That ball you just aced to The Beast is worth, well, more than your whole life.” — Benny
  24. “Quiet. Are you trying to wake it up? I just went to bed.” — Squints
  25. “You see, for us, baseball was a game. But for Benjamin Rodriguez, baseball was life.” — Smalls
  26. “Crack! Boom! Outta here! You see the looks on their faces? Did ya? It was like, ‘Duh, so that’s how you play baseball.'” — Benny
  27. “Let me tell you something, kid; everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they’re too scared, or they don’t recognize it when it spits on their shoes.” — Babe Ruth
  28. “I learned that more than 150 baseballs had gone over that fence… and not one of them was ever seen again. Even when some brave kid worked up enough courage to peek over the fence.” — Narrator
  29. “Yeah-yeah you were! Yer tongue was hangin’ outta yer head and you was swoonin’!” — Yeah-Yeah
  30. “First, you take the graham. You stick the chocolate on the graham. Then, you roast the ‘mallow. When the ‘mallows flaming, you stick it on the chocolate and cover it with the other end. Then, you scarf. Kind of messy, but good! Try some!” — Ham
  31. “Smalls, you mean to tell me you went home, swiped a ball that was signed by BABE RUTH, brought it out here, and actually played with it?” — Timmy
  32. (After finding out Smalls lost the Babe Ruth ball) “I take it back. You’re not in trouble. You’re dead where you stand.” — Mr. Mertle
  33. “I was dead meat. I knew it. They knew it. We had thought that those cards Benny had gotten meant that something great was going to happen. Now I figured that they’d just meant my life was over.” — Smalls
  34. “It’s the law of the Sandlot. Anything that goes over that fence becomes property of The Beast!” — Yeah-Yeah
  35. “If my dog was as ugly as you, I’d shave its butt and make it walk backward.” — Ham
  36. “This kid is an L7 weenie!” — Squints
  37. “Man, this is baseball; you gotta stop thinking! Just have fun. If you were having fun, you would have caught that ball!” — Benny
  38. (At the end, explaining what became of his friends) “Bertram? Bertram got really into the ’60s, and no one ever saw him again.” — Smalls
  39. “This pop isn’t workin’, Benny! I’m bakin’ like a toasted cheese-it! It’s so hot here!” — Ham
  40. “Sure, we’ll just hop over and say, ‘Excuse me, Mr. Beast, sir, could we have our ball back? Oh, and please don’t kill us while we’re here!'” — Squints
  41. “I want you to get out in the fresh air and make friends. Run around and scrape your knees. Get dirty. Climb trees and hop fences. Get in trouble for crying out loud. Not too much, but some. You have my permission. Now how many mothers do you think say that to their sons?” — Smalls’ Mom
  42. “God, he looks like a dead fish.” — Bertram
  43. “C’mon, Benny, maybe two, three guys in history have ever busted the guts out of a ball. That’s what the omen was.” — Squints
  44. “Once we got over trying to be big shots, we just stuck to what we could handle and swore off the hard stuff forever. When we finally got back together for some baseball, something amazing happened.” — Smalls
  45. “Anyone who wants to be a can’t-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama’s bra, raise your hand.” — Benny
  46. “Oh, yeah-yeah! It was great! So I went around and pretended like I was selling prescriptions to magazines. And the people asked if they should pay me now. So I said yeah-yeah, pay me now! And they did!” — Yeah-Yeah
  47. “Face it, Benny. It’s not a fit day out for man nor beast. We gotta call it for the day.” — Squints
  48. “We gotta get that ball back.” — Smalls
  49. “OK, we need 98 cents. So, everybody spread out and find some soda bottles and cash ’em in. We need a new baseball.” — Benny
  50. “It was salt in an open wound. Even my own mom, who was only a grown-up girl, knew who Babe Ruth was.” — Smalls
  51. “Are you outta your mind?! Mr. Mertle is the meanest old man that ever lived! He’s the one that sicked The Beast on The Toad!” — Squints
  52. “We all expected something to happen right then during that game. What we had just witnessed was bordering on the supernatural. We knew that greater hands than ours were at work.” — Smalls
  53. “First we survey the enemy’s environment, then we make note of the surrounding terrain.” — Squints
  54. “We all lived in the neighborhood for a couple of more years — mostly through junior high school — and every summer was great. But none of them ever came close to that first one. When one guy would move away, we never replaced him on the team with anyone else. We just kept the game going like he was still there.” — Smalls
  55. “I don’t know. Some lady gave it to him. She even signed her name on it… Ruth. Baby Ruth.” — Smalls
  56. “I said, you shouldn’t even be allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you’re all an insult to the game.” — Phillips
  57. Smalls: “It was my stepdad’s. I stole it from his trophy room. It was a present or something. Somebody gave it to him, but we gotta get it back. He’s gonna kill me!”

Squints: “Listen to me, Smalls. This is a matter of life and death. Where did your old man get that ball?”

  1. “It wasn’t really the pool honeys like we said; because, if any one of them had come up to any one of us, we’d have just peed our pants. We all went because, well, because Wendy Peffercorn was the lifeguard.” — Smalls
  2. “Hey, is that your sister in left field naked? She’s naked!” — Ham
  3. Benny: “Have you ever done a paper route?”

Smalls: “No, but I helped a guy once.”

  1. Timmy: (concerning the lost baseball) “You don’t.”

Tommy: “You don’t.” Timmy: “It’s history.” Tommy: “It’s history.” Timmy: “Kiss it goodbye.” Tommy: “Kiss it—” Timmy: “Shut up, Tommy.”

  1. Benny: “You got a fireplace man?”

Smalls: “Yeah, why?” Benny: “Throw that hat in it.”

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