You Can Now Buy Foul-Mouthed Harry Potter Candles

by Christina Marfice
Originally Published: 

Harry Potter may not approve of this language, but we can’t stop giggling

Where my fellow Harry Potter fans who also love a good curse? And by curse, I mean the naughty word kind, not the kinds of spells you might want to use in a wizard’s duel, and definitely none of the Unforgivables.

For foul-mouthed Potterheads, there’s an Etsy store that makes candles you’re just going to have to have. The store is called Sugar and Geek, and it features a collection of rude Harry Potter candles that are an absolute must-have for anyone whose vocab would make Aunt Petunia blush.

Each candle variety is crafted after one of the four Hogwarts Houses, and the scents are meant to reflect what you might actually smell in each House’s common room. And, of course, they all feature a little swear that would have Professor McGonagall performing a scourgify spell on your mouth.

The candles seem to be selling out quickly, but here’s what’s still available as of press time (and Sugar and Geek, if you’re reading this, please re-stock!).

The “I Don’t Give a Gryffin-Damn” candle comes in the same fiery red color as the Gryffindor House Quidditch team, and has a scent comprised of notes of apple, mint leaves, Canadian fir trees, eucalyptus, clove, and a crackling wood fireplace.


The “I Don’t Give a Raven-Crap” candle is a pretty shade of cobalt blue, and its scent includes notes of apple, mahogany, cedarwood, and vanilla, just like you’d expect the book-filled Ravenclaw common room to smell.


And unfortunately, if you belong to the other two Hogwarts Houses (or want to get the perfect gift for a Harry Potter fan who does), your house candles appear to be sold out already. But here’s what to watch for if you’re planning on snagging one once they’re re-stocked.

The “I Don’t Give a Slyther-Shit” candle is, of course, Slytherin green, and its scent is clean and citrusy, with notes of lavender, jasmine, moss, wood, and lily of the valley.

And the first candle in the shop to sell out is the “I Don’t Give a Huffle-Fuck” candle, because of course it was. It’s bright yellow and smells like creamy vanilla and buttery sugar cookies, because of course it does.

If your Hogwarts house is sold out and you don’t want to wait, Sugar and Geek has some other Harry Potter-inspired candles you might love. These butterbeer candles smell like butterscotch, cookies, and cream (yum!), and the store sells a trio set of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans candles — one is jelly bean scented, and in true Bertie Bott’s fashion, the other two are a mystery. A Harry Potter candle is just the thing you need to go with some fancy HP china when you throw your next dinner party worthy of the Great Hall.

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