If you’re not a roses and box of chocolates person and would rather just get naked on Valentine’s Day, more power to you, my friend. Maybe all this romantic, gushy marketing around Valentine’s Day just isn’t you or your partner’s thing. Maybe you just get more of a kick out of naughty gifts and games, which is why we have a gift guide just for you and your dirty mind. These gifts will encourage the practicing of all kinds of new sex positions, dirty talk, and more. And some of it is just hilariously dirty.
Watcha waiting for, come and get it! 😉
At first, this looks like a harmless ‘lil taco candle. Who doesn’t love tacos? Which, is, well, the point. Heheheh. This candle comes in a wide range of scents (blueberry cobbler, brownie batter, fresh cut roses, sugar cookies, and other more mysterious ones like “butt naked,” and “bite me”). If you really just want the candle without the label, that’s also possible! Just not as fun.
When there truly are no words…just ring a bell. Sure, it’s just a novelty gift, but it makes for a fun time on Valentine’s Day (or any day). Just make sure you and your partner are on the same page before you use it.
These fun sex vouchers or “coupons” will definitely spice things up for you and your girlfriend/wife. With 50 of them, you won’t run out of fun and ~sexy~ activities to do.
If there’s some hoes in this house, you should get yourself or your partner this mug for V-Day (or any day). It comes in six different colors (orange, red, light blue, pink, and green).
Get a sex “checkbook” that actually looks like a checkbook you’d get at the bank. It makes the gift all the more excellent. The booklet includes 30 “IOU”s, 30 “UOME”s, and as the description reads, “these checks are guaranteed not to bounce (unless you’re into that).” Lol.
It’s like Jenga, but dirty. It’s basically a sexy truth or dare game that involves questions and challenges, and carefully pulling out (ha!) blocks in order to “win.” Although, at the end of this game, we think everyone will win. This game comes with 27 questions and 27 challenges, so it’ll take a while to get through. Grab some wine and popcorn, because you’re in for a long night.
This card isn’t as raunchy as it is just the plain f*cking truth. If you need to remind your partner that they’ve made a great choice (not that they would have pulled a true crime docuseries-esque situation on you), this card will do the trick.
Ah, the unspoken gross parts of sharing a bed that you have sex in. Whatever kind of sex you partake in…bodily fluids are generally involved. And usually there’s only one side of the bed that get’s the worst of it. But hey, that’s the beauty of relationships.
Look, times are tough. We’re all stressed out. Why not give the gift of relaxation in the form of seamen putty! No, not semen putty, seamen putty. The description reads, “When the tide is swelling, you feel stressed and in need of release, you sometimes have to take matters into your own hands. Don’t be shy, grab a tin of Captain Jack Hoff’s Seamen Putty and yank away a load of tension.” It’s also glow in the dark, because why not!
Spend the night with your master baker (hehe) and make some naughty cookies. These stainless steel cookie cutters ~come~ in a set of 5.
Okay, one more WAP candle. (And if you’re confused by the WAP products, do yourself a favor, and listen to “WAP” by Cardi B. and Megan Thee Stallion). It smells “fruity and sweet.”
This clutched hand is allegedly meant to hold your soap in the shower, but it also looks…really dirty. We highly suggest placing this in the guest bathroom so that when you have friends or your in-laws over, they’ll wonder WTF you’re up to.