14 Funny Valentine's Day Gifts For The Non-Mushy Couple 2021

My Funny Valentine: 14 Hilarious Gifts And Cards For Non-Mushy Couples

January 21, 2020 Updated January 22, 2021


Valentine’s Day: It can feel kind of goofy going all out to celebrate a holiday that feels made up. Sure, love is a wonderful thing, but not every couple is super mushy or into the traditional romantic trappings of the holiday. For some, it can feel seriously sappy–nauseating, even. If you’re one who eschews the roses-and-teddy bears thing, there are actually plenty of funny Valentine’s Day gifts available–ones that won’t make you want to vomit. (We promise, no giant chocolate hearts or Literotica books in sight)

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Gifting your beloved a hilarious Valentine’s Day gift or greeting card lets you express your affection in a fun, less saccharine way, while still acknowledging the holiday. Some of these gifts even work for your best friends too, and isn’t that kind of the point? Valentines gifts for boyfriend or partners don’t always have to be expensive and sentimental. Life is serious enough, so why not have a laugh–a great sense of humor is a turn on, anyway.

Ahead, check out 14 ideas for creative, hilarious V-Day gifts and cards to buy for your other half.

Funny Valentine’s Day Gifts For Him

The Office TV Show Dwight Schrute Mug

Is your main squeeze a major fan of The Office? Gift them this mug to express your feels–and then kiss him or her with the force of a thousand waterfalls. Obv.


In A Nutshell Studio Snoring Funny Valentines Day card

A moment of solidarity for the partners of snorers, please. This is the perfect card for the Valentine that keeps you up all night–and not in the good way! Remind them of their tiny annoying flaw that you put up with just because you love them. Aw!


The World's Greatest Collection of Dad Jokes

Your partner’s got jokes–dad jokes, that is. This book will offer them all sorts of new groan-worthy material. With over 500 jokes inside, the puns are endless!


Maad Romantic Novelty Toilet Paper

Romantic? Nah. Practical and chuckle-worthy? Yes. Take care of your Valentine’s tushy by giving the gift of t.p. “It was funny for the occasion,” said one Amazon reviewer. “We don’t usually celebrate Valentine’s Day but he thought it was funny to wake up to. I put it up at the end of the day and plan on putting it back for our anniversary. Pleased with my purchase!”


Sisadodo Thanks for All The Orgasms Keychain

Sometimes being direct is best. Thank your Valentine for all the, er, joy they bring to your life with this keychain.


Funny Valentine’s Day Gifts For Her

Oh, Susannah My Side Your Side Pillow Cases

If you’re contantly pushing your significant other to other side of the bed, it’s time to officially claim your space! This hilarious features two pillow cases that designates exactly who’s space is where (finally something to clear up the confusion).  They even have a version where the dog is in the middle! One reviewer said, “When my girlfriend walked in and saw the new pillows she exploded with joy. She aaid it was perfect for us because she does move around so much that left side really is hers. It’s cute and perfect for couples who have the same situation but are in love. I am very certain your partner will find the pillows cute and perfect.”


Hollabears Shawty U Fine Teddy Bear

Who doesn’t want more compliments? Show your babe how you really feel with this teddy bear and its very direct message.


NobleWorks Never Find Your Body Valentine's Day Card

Creepy on the outside, funny on the inside. The inside message of this one reads–wait for it–“as hot as I do. Be my Valentine or ELSE.” One customer gave the card to her husband and reviewed, “My husband hates long mushy cards, he’s more of a jokester, so this card was perfect for him. He laughed when he read it. I recommend this.”


Paw Art Love Custom Pet Portrait Renaissance Style on Canvas

Speaking of obsessions, if you and your boo are helicopter co-pet parents, this absurdly hilarious portrait of your little prince or princess makes the ideal gift. Regal AF–as it should be, of course. One happy customer raved, “Its beautiful! I just got my canvas print of my dog and LOVE IT! My package arrived earlier than expected and prior, customer service did such great job helping me pick the right image for my canvas. You get to approve the draft and make needed changes. Professional and great service! I will definitely order again.”


NobleWorks Ice Cream Card

Another funny, er, punny Valentine’s Day gift option: A card that tells  your sweetie how they make you melt. Not-so-coincidentally, that’s what the inside message says.


Field Trip Raccoon Mug

Embrace the punny side of life! A silly mug tells your lady how much you love her–and her ladies.


Funny Valentine’s Day Gifts for Friends

JNCandleCO. 'I Hate Everybody But You' Candle

A candle that tells your special someone how much you don’t hate them? Well, that’s just touching. Bonus: This funny Valentine’s Day gift is practical, too! You have the choice between nine different scents, from Vanilla Bean to Chardonnay. “This candle is TOO cute and it smells amazing. I bought it for a gift but now I want it for myself,” said one Etsy customer.


Humor US And I Will Always Love You Red Bistro Stemless Wine Glass

It’s Whitney, bitch. (Or Dolly, depending on your preference.) Either way, both are version are fun to sing with a glass of wine in your hand. Warning: This gift will have the song stuck in potentially both of your heads all day.


Socksmith Corgi Butt Socks

Dat azz, tho! If you’re looking for a small token of your affection, these socks get the job done. Who doesn’t love corgi butts? They’re shaped like hearts, people!




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The Office TV Show Dwight Schrute Mug
Humor US And I Will Always Love You Red ...
Field Trip Raccoon Mug
Hollabears Shawty U Fine Teddy Bear
Maad Romantic Novelty Toilet Paper
Sisadodo Thanks for All The Orgasms Keyc...
Designs by Melisa Mama Shark Stemless Wi...
Socksmith Corgi Butt Socks
The World's Greatest Collection of Dad J...
NobleWorks Ice Cream Card
Sketchy Print Co. You Stalker Valentines...
In A Nutshell Studio Snoring Funny Valen...
NobleWorks Never Find Your Body Valentin...
JNCandleCO. 'I Hate Everybody But You' C...
Paw Art Love Custom Pet Portrait Renaiss...
Oh, Susannah My Side Your Side Pillow Ca...