15 Funny Valentine's Day Gifts and Cards for the Non-Mushy Couple 2020

My Funny Valentine: 15 Hilarious Gifts And Cards For Non-Mushy Couples

January 21, 2020 Updated February 27, 2020

Valentine’s Day Gift Candle

Valentine’s Day: It can feel kind of goofy. Sure, love is a wonderful thing, but not every couple is super mushy or into the traditional romantic trappings of the holiday. For some, it can feel seriously sappy–nauseating, even. If you’re one who eschews the roses-and-chocolates thing, there are actually plenty of funny Valentine’s Day gifts available–ones that won’t make you want to vom.

Gifting your beloved a funny Valentine’s Day gift or card lets you express your affection in a fun, less saccharine way, while still acknowledging the holiday. Life is serious enough, so why not have a laugh–a great sense of humor is a turn on, anyway, right?

Ahead, check out 15 ideas for creative, hilarious V-Day gifts and cards to buy for your other half.

Hollabears Shawty U Fine Teddy Bear

Who doesn’t want more compliments? Show your babe how you really feel with this teddy bear and its very direct message.

$21 AT AMAZON



The Office TV Show Be My Valentine Mug

Is your main squeeze a major fan of The Office? Gift them this mug to express your feels–and then kiss him or her with the force of a thousand waterfalls. Obv.

$19 AT ETSY

Explicit Essentials Funny Candle

A candle that tells your special someone how much you don’t hate them? Well, that’s just touching. Bonus: This funny Valentine’s Day gift is practical, too!

$20 AT ETSY

In A Nutshell Studio Snoring Funny Valentines Day card

A moment of solidarity for the partners of snorers, please. This is the perfect card for the Valentine that keeps you up all night–and not in the good way!

$7 AT AMAZON



The World's Greatest Collection of Dad Jokes

Your man’s got jokes–dad jokes, that is. This book will offer him all sorts of new groan-worthy material.

$15 AT AMAZON

Designs by Melisa Mama Shark Stemless Wine Glass

After hearing this song for the bazillionth time, Mama definitely needs a glass of wine–or several. Be sure to include a bottle to go with–cheers!

$15 AT ETSY

Sketchy Print Co. You Stalker Valentines Card

Your favorite Netflix-binge partner deserves a funny Valentine’s Day card. Bonus points if you write inside, “I’m obsessed with You.”

$4 AT ETSY



Paw Art Love Custom Pet Portrait Renaissance Style on Canvas

Speaking of obsessions, if you and your boo are helicopter co-pet parents, this absurdly hilarious portrait of your little prince or princess makes the ideal gift. Regal AF–as it should be, of course.

$56 AT AMAZON

Humor US And I Will Always Love You Red Bistro Coffee Mug

It’s Whitney, bitch. (Or Dolly, depending on your preference.) Warning: This mug will have the song stuck in potentially both of your heads all day.

$14 AT AMAZON

Maad Romantic Novelty Toilet Paper

Romantic? Nah. Practical and chuckle-worthy? Yes. Take care of your Valentine’s tushy by giving the gift of t.p.

$12 AT AMAZON



NobleWorks Ice Cream Card

Another funny, er, punny Valentine’s Day gift option: A card that tells  your sweetie how they make you melt. Not-so-coincidentally, that’s what the inside message says.

$4 AT AMAZON

Socksmith Corgi Butt Socks

Dat azz, tho! If you’re looking for a small token of your affection, these socks get the job done. Who doesn’t love corgi butts? They’re shaped like hearts, people!

$8 AT AMAZON

Sisadodo Thanks for All The Orgasms Keychain

Sometimes being direct is best. Thank your Valentine for all the, er, joy they bring to your life with this keychain.

$9 AT AMAZON



Field Trip Raccoon Mug

Embrace the punny side of life! A silly mug tells your lady how much you love her–and her ladies.

$17 AT AMAZON

NobleWorks Never Find Your Body Valentine's Day Card

Creepy on the outside, funny on the inside. The inside message of this one reads–wait for it–“as hot as I do. Be my Valentine or ELSE.”

$4 AT AMAZON

Found the perfect funny Valentine’s gift for your S.O.? Great! Shop other cute gift options for everyone else here!

Although we only recommend picks we really love, we may earn a commission on purchases made through links from our site.
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stroke red
The Office TV Show Be My Valentine Mug
$19
Humor US And I Will Always Love You Red ...
$14
Field Trip Raccoon Mug
$17
Hollabears Shawty U Fine Teddy Bear
$21
Maad Romantic Novelty Toilet Paper
$12
Sisadodo Thanks for All The Orgasms Keyc...
$9
Designs by Melisa Mama Shark Stemless Wi...
$15
Socksmith Corgi Butt Socks
$8
The World's Greatest Collection of Dad J...
$15
NobleWorks Ice Cream Card
$4
Sketchy Print Co. You Stalker Valentines...
$4
In A Nutshell Studio Snoring Funny Valen...
$7
NobleWorks Never Find Your Body Valentin...
$4
Explicit Essentials Funny Candle
$20
Paw Art Love Custom Pet Portrait Renaiss...
$56