30+ 'The IT Crowd' Quotes That Are Mother Flipping Funny

by Laura Grainger
Originally Published: 
the it crowd quotes
Channel 4

The IT Crowd was a staple of British comedy throughout the aughts. Premiering in 2006, the sitcom followed a 3-person IT team and their antics. Fans loved genius and nerdy Moss, whose social awkwardness made for some hilarious line deliveries. Chris O’Dowd (we see you, Bridesmaids fans) stars as Roy, the lazy teammate whose sarcastic one-liners bring a little Irish humor to the British show. Jen brings some (funnily-packaged) common sense to an otherwise chaotic team.

To pay tribute, we’ve compiled a list of some hilarious the IT Crowd quotes that show the group’s stellar characters. If you’re an old fan of the show, take some time to bask in a little nostalgia. If you’ve never heard of it before, have a read and convince yourself it’s worth watching (because it is).


“I came here to drink milk and kick ass… and I’ve just finished my milk.”

“Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them along with this slice of humble pie, that comes direct from the oven of shame, set at gas mark ‘egg on your face.'”

Moss: “You stole it?”

Roy: “Yeah.” Moss: “But that’s stealing!”

“I like being weird. Weird is all I’ve got. That, and my sweet style.”

Bomb Disposal: (about the bomb disposal robot) “I’m just having a couple of problems with it.”

Moss: “What kind of operating system does it use?” Bomb “Disposal: It’s er…Vista.” Moss: “We’re going to die!”

“Dear Sir stroke Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out on the premises of… no, that’s too formal. Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire…exclamation mark. Fire…exclamation mark. Help me…exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss.”

“I can see why she’s divorced, she’s very divorceable. As soon as you meet her you can’t wait to take her to court to get rid of her.”

Roy: (Singing) “We don’t need no education.”

Moss: “Yes you do. You’ve just used a double negative.”

“I find music confusing and annoying.”

“What the flip are you looking at? You think this is funny? You think this is some kind of mother flipping joke? Mother flippers think everything’s a mother flipping joke.”

Channel 4


“People. What a bunch of bastards.”

“Didn’t know what a stress machine was this morning, and now we have two of them.”

Jen: “You don’t like balloons?”

Roy: “Oh, don’t talk to me about balloons. They explode suddenly and unexpectedly. They’re filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable.”

“Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

“My arse is not a canvas.”

(On Jen’s virus-infected laptop) “If this was a human being, I’d shoot it in the face.”

“Hey! What is Jen doing with the Internet?”

(While paying respects at a funeral) Jen: “Just say, ‘sorry for your loss’ and move on.”

Roy: “Sorry for your loss. Move on.”

“Oh…morning. Oh my word. When did the English start drinking like that? You people drink like you don’t want to live.”

“The last time I exercised was never.”

Roy: “How hard is it to remember 911?”

Moss: “You mean 999.”

Jen: “You shouldn’t have agreed to mind it for him in the first place.”

Roy: “Oh thanks Jen, that’s really helpful. That’s really good advice. That’s exactly what I’ll do in the past, when it happens again, last week.”


“Ich bin ein nerd.”

Jen: “They don’t want me at those meetings.”

Roy: “I thought you hated those meetings.” Jen: “I hated them until I realized they don’t want me at those meetings, and now I love those meetings.”

“The elders of the Internet know who I am?”

“She had a baby like yesterday and she is already invading Spain.”

Roy: “I’m not feeling it tonight.”

Jen: “Then fake it, sweetheart.”

Jen: “You brush your teeth in the bath?”

Roy: “Yeah, so?” Jen: “Thats where your balls are.”

“Emails. Sending emails. Receiving emails. Deleting emails… I could go on.”

“If you type ‘Google’ into Google, you can break the internet.”

Jen: “I’ve got Aunt Irma visiting.”

Moss: “Do you not like Aunt Irma? I’ve got an aunt like that.” Jen: “It’s my term for my time of the month.” Moss: “What time of the month? The weekend? Does Aunt Irma visit on the weekend?” Jen: “No…you know, it’s high tide.” Moss: “We’re not on the coast.” Jen: “I’m closed for maintenance…I’ve fallen to the communists!” Moss: “Well, they do have some strong arguments.”

Channel 4

Related: 50+ Hilarious ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’ Quotes You Should Memorize

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