Give Us Moms This One Thing


Give Us Moms This One Thing

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

After you have kids, your idea of Valentine’s gifts change. The romantic dinner or a beautifully decorated box of chocolates are a thing of the past. Somehow decadence and delight has been replaced with the need for moms facilitate a class set of Valentine cards a week early. PUH-LEASE! And don’t get us started on the bad perforation on these damn things. Any attempt at separating them will result in rips, potential tears followed by the stage of smeared pen and misspelled names. Great life lessons for the kiddos. This pre-v-day hell has us fantasizing about a world where women celebrate Valentine’s Day in a way that will rock your word. Watch the video below for a sneak peak of the gift we all need. Trust us you will never think of cleaning your floors the same way again.

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For any partners out there, still thinking about buying us a Valentine’s gift, here’s what NOT to get us:


We don’t need a $5 card. Yes, we know you love us and it’s fantastic and thank you. But, like we said, we just spent most of our night writing out and licking teeny, tiny cards for our kid’s entire class. So – please keep the five bucks or buy us a coffee with cream and two sugars. Make it iced. Yum!

A romantic night out

If you’re making the reservation, we’re all in, but moms think about dinner every. single. night. We don’t want to pick the restaurant and we don’t want to make the reservation. Also, we don’t want to have to find a babysitter because it’s too late and she probably has plans. This is all you. If not, we’re staying home and that’s fine too.


Hint hint: We do not have the same taste. Yes, you know me better than anyone. You know I pee when I sneeze and love to watch The Bachelor in the hoodie I’ve had since college but that’s where it ends. Plus, do you know the difference between a hoop and a post? No. I’m not talking about basketball. See, that’s what I mean. I love you so much but please, I don’t have the time to return anything.


Please don’t… just kidding. You can buy us chocolates.

Ultimately, yeah, we want to celebrate, but we want to celebrate our way. We want to be able to just be comfortable and not feel like we have to plan, prepare or prep anything. We don’t want to have to live up to any expectations of what Valentine’s Day is. We want a night off from all the stuff that we have to do every day. For Valentine’s Day this year, we just want a break and maybe a lap dance. We love you.

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More about Band of Mothers: Band of Mothers is a sketch comedy show featuring recurring mom characters with over-the-top personalities. In this entertainment show, our moms will go all out to make fun of the chaos that is motherhood life.

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