So, you’re a vegetarian or vegan, eh? It doesn’t matter what brought you to that decision in your life. What matters is it brought you here, undoubtedly because you’ve learned a singular truth about being part of the plant-based eaters’ club: People make a lot of jokes at our expense. Heck, we make a lot of jokes at our expense! We’re nothing if not a good-humored bunch when it comes to having a laugh over our (awesome) choice to stock our fridges and pantries with delicious garden-harvested sustenance. And if you’re fortunate enough to have fellow herbivores in your life, you’re going to want to share some vegan jokes and puns with them so that you can bond over your mutual taste in both food and funnies.
But hey, maybe you’re just thinking about becoming a vegan or vegetarian. Or perhaps you love someone who’s a plant eater, and you want to gently roast them with some light-hearted veggie barbs. Everyone’s welcome here. As anyone who’s ever met a vegan or vegetarian knows, we’re always trying to get people to join our club.
So, grab a few celery sticks, kick back, and enjoy a bit of wholesome, meat-free humor.
Best Vegan Jokes
- What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots?
- Why was the vegan man such a good monk?
He knew how to romaine calm even in tough situations.
- What was the vegan comedian’s favorite shtick?
Roasting the vegetables.
- What are a vegan’s four seasons?
Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
- What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
- What condiment do vegans think is funny?
Horseradish, because they get a real kick out of each other.
- Why was the vegan so much happier after she started drinking vegetable smoothies?
She felt more up-beet.
- Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to seitan!
- Who are a vegan’s best friends when they try new vegetables?
- Can I tell you a vegan joke?
I promise it won’t be cheesy.
- How many vegans does it take to make a mushroom soup?
Only a few because there isn’t mushroom in the kitchen.
- What vegetable does the vegan captain never allow on her boat?
- I met this woman today who said she recognized me from a vegan group…
But I’d never met herbivore.
- What does a vegan zombie eat?
- Why didn’t the detective investigate the murder of the vegan chickpea any further?
He declared it to be hummus-cide.
- How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
- Why are vegans worried about eating a plant-based diet?
They don’t want any issues to crop up.
- Vegan: “Try this banana.”
Meat eater: “Taste good.”
Vegan: “It’s vegan.”
Meat eater: “I thought it tasted funny.”
- How does the man cheat on his vegan lifestyle?
He makes sure to have a bit of meat time on weekends.
- What did the vegan chef say to his vegan wife on their first anniversary?
“I leaf you a lot.”
- What do you call two vegans fighting?
It’s not a beef — just two people with bad “tempehs.”
- Why did the tofu cross the road?
To prove that he wasn’t chicken.
- Why didn’t the vegan comedian like making jokes about tofu?
He thought they were tasteless.
- What did one vegan say to the other when they met at a steakhouse?
We can’t meat like this.
- Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
- How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
No idea. But where do you get your protein?
- Why were so many vegans crossing the road?
They were going to the chicken protest.
- What do you call an argument between two vegans?
A plant-based beef.
- How do you kill a vegan vampire?
Drive a steak through its heart.
- How do I know that you replaced your family’s vegan milk provider?
I soya do it.
- Why was the vegan comet upset?
As he entered the atmosphere, he became a little meteor.
- What do you call a vegan Tyrannosaurus rex?
A tree rex.
- Why was the vegan woman afraid of becoming an astronaut?
She didn’t like the idea of meateorites.
- How do you find a vegan in a room?
Don’t worry; they’ll tell you.
- Why didn’t the investor want to go vegan?
He was putting too much at stake.
- What do you call Bruce Lee’s vegan brother?
- What do you call vegan seafood?
- How did the person tell their family they were going vegan?
“I’m quitting cold turkey.”
- What is a social vegan?
Someone who avoids meet.
- What’s the No. 1 rule of the Vegan Fight Club?
- How did the vegan priest start his sermon?
“Lettuce pray to the almighty.”
- What’s more fun than a vegan at a BBQ?
Anything. Literally anything.
- What do you call vegans who are kinda cool?
- How does a priest exorcise a vegan?
“Not today, Seitan!”
- What do you call a sunburnt vegan?
A baked bean.
- A vegan enters a steakhouse and asks the waiter for advice on what to order.
The waiter responds, “A taxi.”
- Why are vegans the nicest people?
They got no beef.
- What’s the hardest thing about being a vegan that CrossFits?
Trying to decide which one to tell people about first.
- Why are most ghosts vegan?
Because it is super-natural.
- Did you hear about the girl who recently decided to eat vegan?
Of course you did.
- What is a vegan Viking called?
- Why did the vegan get fired?
His performance did not meet expectations.
- My dog is a vegan but he is kind of a hypocrite about it.
He has a fur coat that he always wears.
- What does a waiter say when he gives meat for a vegan?
“Sorry, it was a meat steak.”
- What’s the best way to keep milk fresh?
Leave it in the cow!
- What was Aladdin called after he went vegan?
- I’ve come to the realization that tofu is overrated.
It’s just a curd to me.
- Why did the vegan farmer always get into arguments?
She had a habit of getting into corn-frontations.
- What did the vegan say to the waiter who brought them a cake with egg in it?
“Bring me a vegan cake, please — no egg-scuses!”
- What did the woman say to the DJ at the vegan festival?
“Can you turnip the sick beets?”
- What did the vegan pacifist say when the chef forgot to add peas to the soup at the buffet?
“All I want is peas for everyone.”
- How did a woman suddenly realize she wanted to go vegan?
She got a wake-up kale.
- How did the vegan interpret what the basil was saying?
She could easily pick up on non-v-herbal cues.
- Why did the vegan girl rush into the supermarket?
She didn’t want to wait lentil the sale on vegan food ended.
- Why was the vegan grocer so exhausted?
He had to haul a load of emotional cabbage.
- What nickname did the vegan who was always sad get from her friends?
- Why was the girlfriend of the vegan lucky?
Her ring was worth a lot of carrots.
- Why did the newlywed vegan couple face bankruptcy?
Neither of them wanted to bring home the bacon.
- Why was the mom upset with her vegan son?
He spent the entire day playing Kale of Duty.
- What did the vegan woman say to her friend after a long talk?
“I’m so glad we had this corn-versation.”
- What did the woman say to her friend who swore she would never eat tofu again?
“Never soy never.”
- Why did everyone think the tofu was argumentative?
He needed to have the final soy in every matter.
- What’s the toughest part about being vegan?
Apparently keeping it to yourself.
- What do rappers and vegans have in common?
- Why was the broccoli so afraid of the cauliflower?
It thought it was a ghost!
- My vegan girlfriend told me she loves me from my head tomatoes.
- Why did the vegan want to move out of his apartment?
There simply wasn’t mushroom.
- What did one vegan say to the other vegan?
We have to stop meating like this.
- Why did the vegan cross the road?
She was trying to protect the chicken!
- Why did all the vegans go crazy?
Because all they ate were nuts.
- What do you call a vegan post-punk band?
- What did Cher say to the vegan?
I got tofu, babe.
- Why are vegans detrimental to the earth?
Because they produce immense amounts of methane.
- What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.
Best Vegan Puns
- Don’t stop the beetroot.
- Peas and quiet.
- Berry the hatchet.
- Absolutely radishing.
- Turnip the volume.
- Peas on earth.
- Squash the competition.
- Don’t let anyone kale your vibe.
- Lettuce eat plants.
- Let’s avocuddle!
- Berry nice.
- That was a close kale.
- You’ve guac this.
- Pretty peas?
- Thanks a melon!
- Consider this a wake-up kale.
- I fala-fel for it.
- And they lived ha-pea-ly ever after.
- It’s a date.
- Olive you very much!
- Peach for the stars.
- I’m rooting for you.
- I’ve never bean this way.
- I yam who I yam.
- Don’t settle for being medi-okra.
- Here today, gone tomato.
- You’re so a-maize-ing.
- Let’s not beet around the bush.
- I leek you a lot.