So You Want To Date A Single Mom? Here's What You Need To Know.

by Sa'iyda Shabazz
Originally Published: 
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For a single mom, re-entering the dating game isn’t a decision made lightly. It’s not necessarily because we don’t want to date, but there are a lot of factors to take into consideration when we make the decision to jump back in.

As moms, we always have a million plates spinning in the air at once, each one carefully balanced. Dating throws a boomerang into the middle and we have to hope that something doesn’t drop. Because even though dating can be super fun, sometimes it feels like just one more thing to add into the laundry list of things that have to be done (one of them commonly being laundry actually).

It’s not easy for a single mom who wants to date. There are so many things to think and worry about. Many of us have been out of the dating game for a long ass time, and dating is overwhelming when you’re single, but when you’re a single mom, it’s even more so. Dating a single mom is awesome though. But here are a few things you need to know before you date a single mom.

1. You will not be our top priority.

If you need to be number one, then you’re SOL. Because you’re probably going to be third on the list after the kids and work. If you text and don’t get an answer right away, chances are we’re dealing with dinner or homework or bedtime. Or my kid is watching YouTube and doesn’t give a fuck if someone wants to talk to me. Sometimes we’re just exhausted and don’t have the energy to be cute and funny. If you’re going to pout about that, well, I don’t know what to tell you. I will always try to make time for you, but you’re going to have to get in when you can.

2. Our time is precious.

There are only 24 hours in a day. I’m a mom all of those hours. But if I’m taking time out of my life to be with you, you better show up. Getting a babysitter isn’t easy; everyone is busy. And babysitters outside of our circle cost money. So don’t fucking flake, and if you’re going to cancel at the last minute, understand that we’re going to be pissed the fuck off. Not only am I giving up time with my kid, I’m giving up time I could be doing something else, like seeing a friend, or you know, having some me time.


3. We’re not looking for a replacement parent for our kid.

You’re an addition to my life. My son has a father who he has a great relationship with. He doesn’t need another daddy. And those moms whose kids don’t have a dad in their lives still aren’t looking for a replacement. We don’t need parenting advice, or for you to try to step in and take over. You’re here for us.

4. Be a grownup. We don’t have time for games.

If you’re going to be there, then show up. Don’t behave like a child, because we’re already raising a child. Either you’re all in or your out. Communicate. If you’re feeling some type of way, don’t expect us to walk on eggshells. Be an adult and say, “Hey, I’m having a problem with x, y, z.” Then we can sit down and address it. But don’t play games.


5. My kid comes first. Always.

This should go without saying, but just in case there was any doubt, there it is in black and white. My kid is always going to be the most important person in my life. If he needs me, then I will be there for him. That means sometimes plans may get canceled. You just have to roll with that. Also, if you get the privilege of meeting my kid and being in his life, remember that it’s a privilege. But let me make this clear, if you can’t get along, meaning that you don’t like him, or more importantly, he doesn’t like you, it’s over. I happen to think he’s an excellent judge of character, so I will trust his opinion.

It takes a strong person to date a single mom. You have to be secure enough in yourself that you don’t need your hand held or to be coddled, because who has time for that? It may take a lot to date a single mom — we’re busy, and our attention is divided. But we’re pretty amazing. We’re strong, resilient, and we roll with the punches. We’re not afraid of commitment if it’s with the right person. We love fiercely.


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