30+ Wine Jokes And Puns That Will Give You A Riesling To Be Happy

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
wine jokes and puns, People toasting wine
Kelsey Knight/ Unsplash

Good food, good drink, and good company are some of life’s simplest pleasures. And wine holds a special place in that hierarchy. If you’re someone who likes thinking about, reading about, and of course, drinking wine, you probably appreciate a good laugh and some useless facts about vino, too. Here are 31 wine jokes and puns that will give you a Riesling to be happy about life. Pair our wine jokes and puns with our delicious cheese puns for a more full-bodied flavor.

Mama, if you’re a wine connoisseur, here are a few healthier wine choices that’ll pair well with our jokes. Dry and red wines with lower alcohol percentages are a better alternative than sweet ones. Also, look for wines with high tannin, which is a compound that suppresses cholesterol plaque in your blood vessels. It’s great for your heart. Between the belly laughs and these tips, you’re basically getting an ab workout! (Not really, but your body will appreciate these adjustments.)

Wine also has an amazing way of sealing a bad day shut. We’ve all had those nights when a glass of glow feels a lot like a warm hug. And you know what they say: A glass of pinot a day keeps the doctor away… or something like that. The point is, even if your house is a little dry at the moment, these jokes are soothing and will leave you dizzy with laughter.

Comedy Central

Wine Jokes

  1. I love cooking with wine.

Sometimes I even put it in the food.

  1. The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.
  2. What did the grape say when it was crushed?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

  1. Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be cheerful.
  2. I’ve trained my dog to bring me red wine.

It’s a Bordeaux collie.

  1. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious;

I said he had no proof.

  1. Wine improves with age.

I improve with wine.

  1. Do librarians like white wine?

No, they like theirs well red!

  1. Don’t ask me why I love wine.

I have my rieslings.

  1. When you get a hangover from wine, it’s called the Grape Depression.
  2. I just heard on the grapevine that doctors have invented a new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic to help with incontinence.

It’s called pinot more.

  1. I’m a wine enthusiast.

The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.

  1. It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full.

There’s clearly room for more wine.

  1. What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?



  1. I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass;

I won the dance competition.

  1. I can’t wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
  2. What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?


  1. Some people like beer goggles.

I prefer wine glasses.

  1. Somehow they knew I wanted champagne.

It was chilling.

  1. The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
  2. What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?

Sauvign-yawn blanc!

  1. Whenever I feel like wining,

I remind myself to put a cork in it.

  1. Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?

They call themselves the Sip-ranos!

  1. Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?

Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!

  1. What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?

Port whine!

  1. Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?

He heard it was a Goodyear!

  1. You had me at merlot.
  2. Adulting makes me wine.
  3. Love the wine you’re with.
  4. Chardonnay or should I go?
  5. When I drink wine, I make pour decisions.
  1. I was having wine with my wife when she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

I said, “Is that you or the wine talking?” She said, “It’s me talking to the wine.”

  1. What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine?

Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

Wine Puns

  1. Great minds drink alike.
  2. I make pour decisions.
  3. Here for the right riesling.
  4. On cloud wine.
  5. Partners in wine.
  6. No wine left behind.
  7. Sip happens.
  8. It’s wine o’clock.
  9. Stop and smell the rosé.
  10. Everything happens for a riesling, right?
  11. Love the wine you’re with.
  12. Oh, sweet child of wine.
  13. I need to re-wine my life.
  14. You’re the wine that I want.
  15. You are so bottlefull to me.
  16. Another glass? Wine not?
  17. Will you accept this rosé?

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