110 'Almost Famous' Quotes That Will Make You Feel Like It's All Happening

by Team Scary Mommy
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almost famous quotes
Columbia Pictures

Almost Famous is a true classic. The 2000 movie which stars Patrick Fugit as Will, a prodigal teen reporter sent by Rolling Stones to go on tour with the fictional Stillwater band. The cast is star studded, with Kate Hudson playing Penny Lane, a free-spirited Stillwater groupie — or rather, a “band aid” (Anna Paquin also plays a groupie), Billy Crudup and Jason Lee playing the band members, Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP) playing journalist Lester Bangs, and Francis McDormand’s playing Will’s mother. RELATED: These Funny Poems Are Guaranteed To Brighten Your Day It’s a tale about love, music and growing up. Two decades later, while its gender politics are iffy, in many ways, the movie still holds up with brilliant acting, enchanting Grammy-award winning music, and unforgettable quotes. Here are 110 inspiring and funny quotes from Almost Famous. 1. “Listen to Tommy with a candle burning and you will see your entire future.” — Anita Miller: 2. “It’s all happening…” — Penny Lane 3. “What am I doing? I’ am telling secrets to the ONE guy you don’t tell secrets too.” — Russell Hammond 4. Lester Bangs: They made you feel cool. And hey, I met you. You are not cool. William Miller: I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn’t. I’m glad you were home. Lester Bangs: I’m always home. I’m uncool. 5. “I work just as hard or harder than anybody on that stage. You know what I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for the guy who isn’t getting off, and I make him get off.” — Jeff Bebe 6. “I didn’t invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella.” — Dennis Hope 7. “It’s okay! I’m easy to forget! Just leave me behind! I’m only the fucking lead singer!” Jeff Bebe 8. “Fuck it! I’m…I’m gay!” — Ed Vallencourt 9. Russell Hammond: Look at him, he’s taking notes with his eyes. How do we know you’re not a cop, huh!? The enemy! Stop fucking looking at me! 10. Dick Roswell: He’s your guardian angel, alright? Dick Roswell: [to William] Don’t worry he only means half of what he says. William Miller: Which half? 11. William Miller: Russell, think about your last words wisely Russell Hammond: Ok. Um…I dig music……And I’m on drugs! 12. “You, Aaron, are what it’s all about. You’re real. Your room is real. Your friends are real. Real, man, real. You know? Real. You’re more important than all the silly machinery. Silly machinery. And you know it! In eleven years its going to be 1984, man. Think about that!” — Russell Hammond 13. “You’re not there to party. We’ve already got one Hunter Thompson.” — Ben Fong-Torres 14. “That groupie”? She was a Band-Aid! All she did was love your band. And you used her, all of you! You used her and threw her away! She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan. You guys, you’re always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans; she was your biggest fan, and you threw her away! And if you can’t see that, that’s your biggest problem. And I love her! I love her!” — William Miller 15. “You CANNOT make friends with the rock stars. That’s what’s important. If you’re a rock journalist – first, you will never get paid much. But you will get free records from the record company. And they’ll buy you drinks, you’ll meet girls, they’ll try to fly you places for free, offer you drugs… I know. It sounds great. But they are not your friends. These are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories about the genius of the rock stars, and they will ruin rock and roll and strangle everything we love about it.” — Lester Bangs 16. “Rock stars have kidnapped my son.” — Elaine Miller 17. “I didn’t ask for this role, but I’ll play it. Now go do your best. Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid. Goethe said that. It’s not too late for you to become a person of substance, Russell. Please get my son home safely. You know, I’m glad we spoke.” — Elaine Miller 18. “You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.” — Lester Bangs 19. “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we’re uncool.” — Lester Bangs 20. “I am a golden god!” — Russell Hammond 21. “I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.” — Penny Lane 22. “I never said I was a golden god… or did I?” — Russell Hammond:

23. “If you think Mick Jagger will still be out there trying to be a rock star at age fifty, then you are sadly, sadly mistaken.”

— Dennis Hope

24. “Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.”

— Lester Bangs

25. “That’s because we’re uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don’t have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we’re smarter.”

— Lester Bangs

26. “Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love… and let’s face it, you got a big head start.”

— Lester Bangs

27. “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.”

— Lester Bangs

28. Penny Lane: How old are you?

William Miller: Eighteen.

Penny Lane: Me too! How old are we really?

William Miller: Seventeen.

Penny Lane: Me too!

William Miller: Actually, I’m sixteen.

Penny Lane: Me too. Isn’t it funny? The truth just sounds different.

William Miller: I’m fifteen. 29. Anita Miller: FECK YOU!

Elaine Miller: HEY!

Anita Miller: This is a house of lies!

Elaine Miller: Well there it is, your sister used the “F” word.

Young William: I think she said “feck.”

Elaine Miller: What’s the difference?

Young William: The letter “u.”

30. “This is not some apron-wearing mother you’re speaking with – I know all about your valhalla of decadence and I shouldn’t have let him go. He’s not ready for your world of compromised values and diminished brain cells that you throw away like confetti. Am I speaking to you clearly?”

— Elaine Miller

31. “If you break his spirit, harm him in any way, keep him from his chosen profession which is law – something you may not value, but I do – you will meet the voice on the other end of this telephone and it will not be pretty. Do we understand each other?”

— Elaine Miller

32. “If something should happen… maybe I never said this enough. I love all of you.”

— Russell Hammond

33. “I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan. A hit and run. I hit him and just kept on going. I don’t know if he’s alive or dead… but I’m sorry. Not a day goes by I don’t see his face.”

— Dennis Hope

34. Look, I love you all too. You’re like a family to me. Especially since Marna left me. And listen, fellas… I just want you to know, if I took an extra dollar or two here and there… it’s because I knew I’d earned it.”

— Dick Roswell

35. “I don’t love you, man. I never did. None of us love you. You act above us. You always have.”

— Jeff Bebe [speaking to Russel]

36. ” You just held it over us, like you might leave. Like we’re lucky to be with you. And we had to live with it, man. I had to live with you, and now I might die with you, and it’s not fucking fair!”

— Jeff Bebe [speaking to Russel]


38. William Miller: I have to go home.

Penny Lane: You are home.

39. “They don’t even know what it is to be a fan. Y’know? To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts.”

— Sapphire

40. “Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song? Do you have to be in love to write a love song? Is a song better when it really happened to you? Like “Love Thing,” where did you write that and who was it about?”

— William Miller

41. Lester Bangs: What, are you like the star of your school?

William Miller: They hate me.

Lester Bangs: You’ll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

42. William Miller: So Russell… what do you love about music?

Russell Hammond: To begin with, everything.

43. “Some people have a hard time explaining rock ‘n’ roll. I don’t think anyone can really explain rock ‘n’ roll. Maybe Pete Townshend, but that’s okay. Rock ‘n’ roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking… and it’s not about money and popularity. Although, some money would be nice. But it’s a voice that says, “Here I am… and fuck you if you can’t understand me.” And one of these people is gonna save the world. And that means that rock ‘n’ roll can save the world… all of us together. And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that thing. The indefinable thing when people catch something in your music.”

— Jeff Bebe

44. “Music, you now, true music – not just rock n roll – it chooses you. It live in your car, or alone listening to your headphones, you know, with the cast scenic bridges and angelic choirs in your brain. It’s a place apart from the vast, benign lap of America. — Lester Bangs

45. “All right. But I’m just going to say this, and I’m going to stand by it: you should be really proud of him. ‘Cause I know men, and I’ll bet you do too. And he respects women, and he likes women, and let’s just pause and appreciate a man like that. I mean, you created him out of thin air, and you raised him right, he’s having a great time, he’s doing a good job, and don’t worry – he’s still a virgin. And we’re all looking out for him. And that’s more than I’ve ever even said to my own parents, so there you go… This is the maid speaking, by the way.”

— Sapphire

46. “We are not Groupies. Groupies sleep with rockstars because they want to be near someone famous. We are here because of the music, we inspire the music. We are Band Aids.”

— Penny Lane

47. “And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were… I’m on drugs!”

— Russell Hammond

48. Penny Lane: Maybe it is love, as much as it can be, for somebody…

William Miller: Somebody who sold you to Humble Pie for fifty bucks and a case of beer! I was there! I was there!… Look- I’m sorry.

Penny Lane: [sniffs] What kind of beer?

49. “One day you’ll be cool. Look under your bed, it’ll set you free.”

— Anita Miller 50. “Is it that hard to make us look cool?” — Jeff Bebe

51. “Russell. Jeff. Ed. Larry. I really love your band. I think the song “Fever Dog” is a big step forward for you guys. I think you guys producing it yourselves, instead of Glyn Johns, was the right thing to do. And the guitar sound… is incendiary. Incendiary. Way to go.”

— William Miller

52. Russell Hammond: Your mom kind of freaked me out.

William Miller: [places hand on Russell’s shoulder] She means well.

53. “From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that’s it, that’s all I’m interested in.”

— Russell Hammond 54. [to William] “Your Dad was so proud of you. He knew you were a predominantly accelerated child.”

— Elaine Miller:

55. Anita Miller: What about me?

Elaine Miller: You are rebellious and ungrateful of my love.

56. “Does anybody remember laughter?” — Sapphire 57. “Listen to Tommy with a candle burning, and you’ll see your entire future.” — Anita Miller

58. Polexia Aphrodisia: It’s all happening!

59. “I love you. And I’m about to boldly go where… many men have gone before.”

— William Miller

60. Jeff Bebe: “Rock ‘n’ roll can save the world”? “The chicks are great”? I sound like a dick!

Russell Hammond: [to himself] You are a dick.

61. Penny Lane: I’ve made a decision, I’m gonna live in Morocco for one year. I need a new crowd. Do you wanna come?

William Miller: Yes! Yeah.

Penny Lane: Are you sure?

William Miller: Ask me again.

Penny Lane: Do you wanna come?

William Miller: Yes! Yes.

62. Polexia Aphrodisia: [to William watching Penny Lane] Act One, in which she pretends she doesn’t care about him.

Polexia Aphrodisia: [sees Russell strumming his guitar and staring at Penny] Act Two, in which he pretends he doesn’t care her, but he goes right for her.

Polexia Aphrodisia: [Russell goes to Penny] Act Three, in which it all plays out the way she planned it. She’ll eat him alive.

William Miller: We gotta stop them!

Polexia Aphrodisia: Stop them? You… were her reason for coming here.

63. Penny Lane: Call me if you need a rescue, we live in the same city.

William Miller: Sometimes I think I live in a different world.

64. “A Mo-Jo, it’s a very modern machine that transmits pages over the telephone! It only takes eighteen minutes a page!”

— Ben Fong-Torres:

65. “First it was butter then it was sugar and white flour, bacon, eggs, balogna, rock ‘n roll, motorcycles. Then! It was celebrating Christmas on a day in September when you knew it wouldn’t be commercialized! What else are you gonna ban?”

— Anita Miller [to Elaine]

66. “Honey, you want to rebel against knowledge, I’m trying to give you the cliff-notes on how to live life in this world.”

— Elaine Miller

67. Anita Miller: Darryl says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I’m a “Yes” person and you are trying to raise us in a “No” environment.

Elaine Miller: Well, clearly “No” is a word Darryl doesn’t hear much.

68. Anita Miller: I can’t live here! I hate you! Even William hates you!

Young William: I don’t hate her.

Anita Miller: You do hate her! You don’t even know the truth.

69. Russell Hammond: Hey William, we showed you America. Did everything but get you laid.

[William looks out the window, smiling]

Russell Hammond: No! Yeah?

Everyone in car: No! 70. “I thought maybe we could hang out, you know, do some stuff back home like… like regular stuff, get to know each other a little bit better, and *then* I’d see you pee.”

— William Miller [to Penny, who is on the toilet]

71. So, you’re talking to Ben Fong-Torres, right? Here’s what you do. Tell him it’s a think piece about a mid level band struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom. He’ll wet himself.”

Lester Bang— Lester Bangs

72. “Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and there’s no glass slipper.”

— Elaine Miller 73. “When we go to Morocco, I think we should have completely different names and be completely different people.”

— Penny Lane

74. “Oh, my God. Holy shit. Fuck! I grew up with that lampshade. I love this kitchen. I fucking love this kitchen!”

— Russell Hammond 75. “You’re too sweet for rock and roll.”

— Penny Lane

76. “Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and *pissed off*! And I could be very dangerous to all of you! You should know that about me… I am *the enemy*!”

— William Miller

77. “Let’s deflower the kid.”

— Polexia Aphrodisia

78. “Please don’t give him any more acid.”

— William Miller

79. “You, Aaron, are what it’s all about. You’re real. Your room is real. Your friends are real. Real, man, real. You know? Real. You’re more important than all the silly machinery. Silly machinery. And you know it! In eleven years it’s going to be 1984, man. Think about that!”

— Russell Hammond

80. “Wanna see me feed a mouse to my snake?”

— Aaron

81. Elaine Miller: Keep the small bills on the outside and call me if anyone gets drunk.

William Miller: I will call you if anyone *anywhere* gets drunk.

82. “You know, I think we both wanted to, uh, to be with her. I guess she wanted us to be together.”

— Russell Hammond 83. “The Doors? Jim Morrison? He’s a drunken buffoon posing as a poet. Give me The Guess Who. They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic.”

Lester Bangs

84. “So… This is where the enemy sleeps.”

— Russell Hammond [upon entering William’s bedroom]

85. Jeff Bebe: We have got to control what’s happening! There’s a responsibility here.

Russell Hammond: Excuse me, but didn’t we all get into this to avoid responsibility?

86. “In Carl Jung’s opinion, we all have a sixth sense — intuition. When you meet someone and you suddenly feel like you can’t live without them. This could be the memory of a past love from the collective unconscious. Or it could just be hormones.”

— Elaine Miller

87. Beth from Denver: Don’t worry William, I’ve seen the future and this all works out reasonably well.

William Miller: Reasonably well?

88. “You look awful, but it’s great. You’re living your life. You’re free of Mom.”

— Anita Miller

89. “They say you’re dangerous. You see everything. Most people… are just waitin’ to talk, but you listen.

“Look – you should be happy for me. You don’t know what he says to me in private. Maybe it is love — as much as it can be…”

— Penny Lane 90. “This song explains why I’m leaving home to become a stewardess.” — Anita Miller

91. “When and where does this “real world” occur?”

— William Miller 92. “Forgive me father, for I may sin tonight.” — Polexia Aphrodisia

93. “You said we were going to go to Morocco. There is no Morocco. There’s never been a Morocco. There’s not even a Penny Lane. I don’t even know your real name.”

— William Miller

94. “Your looks have become a problem!”

Jeff Bebe: [to Russell]

95. Anita Miller: It’s unfair that we can’t listen to our music!

Elaine Miller: That’s because it’s music about drugs and promiscuous sex.

Anita Miller: Simon and Garfunkel is poetry!

Elaine Miller: Yes, it’s poetry. It’s poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they’re on pot.

96. William Miller: I kept thinking I was gonna go home the next day.

Dick Roswell: Yeah. So did I… fifteen years ago. 97. William Miller: What about your mom?

Penny Lane: She always said, “Marry up. Marry someone grand”. And that’s why she named me “Lady”.

William Miller: She named you “Lady?”

Penny Lane: [makes a face] Lady Goodman.

98. “It’s like you saying you like “Fever Dog” – That is the fucking buzz!”

— Jeff Bebe 99. “Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak!”

— Sapphire 100. William Miller: Don’t you have any regular friends?

Penny Lane: Famous people are just more interesting.

101. “Write what you want.”

— Russell Hammond

102. “Just think, any other city in the world and you’d still be a virgin.”

— Sapphire

103. “Don’t let those swill merchants rewrite you.”

— Lester Bangs

104. “Adolescence is a marketing tool.”

— Elaine Miller

105. “Don’t worry, no one’s getting hurt here. She knows Leslie’s coming to New York tomorrow. This is the circus, everybody’s trying not to go home. Stop looking at me like that.”

— Russell Hammond

106. “He was never a person, he was a journalist!”

— Jeff Bebe

107. “She Changed everything. She was the one that said “No more sex. No more exploiting our bodies and hearts.” Just blow-jobs, and that’s it!”

— Estrella Starr (about Penny Lane)

108. “You’ve been kissing!” — Elaine Miller

109. “It doesn’t sound like music anymore, you know, it sounds like… lifestyle maintenance, or something.”

— Russell Hammond

110. “I hurt the flower.”

— Russell Hammond

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