100+ Funny Boyfriend Jokes That Will Get Him Smiling

100+ Funny Boyfriend Jokes That Will Get Him Smiling In Spite Of Himself

boyfriend jokes
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You love your boyfriend but admit it: you love teasing him just as much as you love his kind heart. For good reason. Boyfriends are kinda dorky and annoying at times, right? So they’re due for a good ribbing sometimes (okay, more like that all the time). Which is why we rounded up the funniest boyfriend jokes that will leave the two of you — or at least you — LOLing for hours.

  1. Why should you never break up with a goalie?
    Because he is a keeper.
  2. What did one boat say to the other boat?
    Are you interested in a little row-mance?
  3. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Olive. Olive, who?
    Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.
  4. I love you with all my butt. I would say my heart, but it is just not as big.
  5. You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.
  6. You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
  7. You are like my dentures. I cannot smile without you.
  8. You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
  9. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?
    Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!
  10. Why are boyfriends like parking spaces?
    The good ones are already taken!
  11. What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?
    Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.
  12. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
    They already have boyfriends.
  13. How can you tell if your boyfriend is happy?
    Who cares?
  14. It was so hot today, I almost called my ex-boyfriend to be around something shady.
  15. What do you call a man made out of garbage?
    Your ex-boyfriend!
  16. When would you want a man’s company?
    When he owns it!
  17. How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups?
    Put the remote control between his toes.
  18. What do a good employee and a boyfriend have in common?
    They’re always coming early.
  19. Boyfriends are like blue jeans. They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced..
  20. What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?
    They both run at the first sign of emotion.
  21. What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football?
    The sofa doesn’t keep asking for beer.
  22. What’s a boyfriend’s definition of a romantic evening?
    Sex.
  23. What’s a boyfriend’s idea of honesty in a relationship?
    Telling you his real name.
  24. Why do only 10 percent of boyfriends make it to heaven?
    Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
  25. My boyfriend likes to eat vegetables that looks like him for dinner. Good thing he’s a cute-cumber.
  26. Love is like having to pass gas. If you force, then you are going to make a mess.
  27. A T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I love you this much,” as he stretched out his arms. To which the girlfriend replied, “that’s not very much at all!”
  28. A couple are on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing. He replies, “I forgot my wallet.”
  29. Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think, ‘Damn. He is one lucky man.’
  30. My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees.
    I think he’s a keeper.
  31. A bartender broke up with her boyfriend.
    He keeps asking for another shot.
  32. My boyfriend told me to stop impersonating flamingos.
    I had to put my foot down.
  33. My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are.
    But I laugh harder.
  34. My boyfriend accidentally poked me in the eyes.
    So I stopped seeing him for a little while.
  35. My boyfriend knows how understanding I am.
    That’s why he always calls me Miss Understanding.
  36. I invited my boyfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show.
    I hope he gets the message that we’re not working out.
  37. Why is a spring rain like your ex-boyfriend?
    It doesn’t last long and barely gets you wet!
  38. Why is Spider Man a bad boyfriend?
    He’s super clingy.
  39. “I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin me.”
  40. “I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.”
  41. “I love you even when I’m really, really hungry.”
  42. “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.”
  43. “Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesterday, yesterday you were pretty annoying.”
  44. “I love you more than coffee. But please don’t make me prove it.”
  45. “Thank you for loving me even when I’m a crazy b*tch.”
  46. “‘Who wears the pants in our relationship?’ We prefer it when neither of us are wearing pants.”
  47. “Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh I put up with you. So we’re even.”
  48. My boyfriend is so handsome, looking all invisible and shit.
  49. I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.

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  50. Forget the butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I am with you.
  51. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you really have to do so much of it”? – Jean Illsley Clarke
  52. You: Knock knock
    Him: Who’s there?
    You: Ya.
    Him: Ya who?
    You: Aww, I love it when you’re this excited to see me!
  53. You: There’s something wrong with this dictionary.
    Him: What is it?
    You: They spelled L wrong. It should be L-U-V, because I know I can’t spell love without U!
  54. You: I thought up an acronym to describe you.
    Him: What is it?
    You: ABCDEFGHIJK.
    Him: LOL, WTF does that stand for?
    You: Amazing, bae, cool, dreamy, encouraging, great, fantasy hunk, intelligent.
    Him: What about the JK.
    You: Just kidding.
  55. You: I don’t think we can go in here.
    Him: Why not?
    You: Look at that sign! *point to the no smoking sign* They won’t let you and your smoking hot bod in!
  56. You: I think there’s something wrong with your lips.
    Him: What is it?
    You: They’re not kissing mine!
  57. “My boyfriend isn’t allowed to have birthday candles on his cake. WTF are you wishing for? All your dreams came true with me!”
  58. Knock knock!
    Who’s there?
    Nobody.
    Nobody who?
    Nobody knows how much I love you.
  59. Knock knock!
    Who’s there?
    Ivan.
    Ivan who?
    Ivan to do something naughty with you!
  60. Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Plums
    Plums who?
    Plums me you’ll always be boyfriend!
  61. Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Water
    Water who?
    Water you doing tonight?
  62. Knock, knock!
    Who’s there?
    Cynthia.
    Cynthia who?
    Cynthia away, I missed you.
  63. There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
  64. You’re the type of boy I’d make a sandwich for.
  65. I came. I saw. I made it awkward.
  66. You’ve stolen a pizza my heart
  67. Despite the contradictory advice circulated in the late ’90s, if you want to be my lover, please do not get with my friends.
  68. I love you with all my butt, I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.
  69. I’m willing to risk the cooties if you are.
  70. I love you like a cow loves not being a burger.
  71. Sometimes I love you. Sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
  72. I call you king not as a term of endearment or a pet name, but as a reminder signed by a Queen.
  73. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
    He only comes once a year.
  74. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
    Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
  75. What did the penis say to the vagina?
    Don’t make me come in there!
  76. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
    Call and tell her about it.
  77. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
    A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
  78. Why should you not marry a tennis player?
    Because love means nothing to them.
  79. Relationships are a lot like algebra.
    Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  80. I like to show my girlfriend who’s the boss in our house.
    I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.
  81. Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices.
    You’re one of them.
  82. What does the ghost call his true love?
    My ghoul-friend.
  83. What did the little boat say to the yacht?
    Can I interest you in a little row-mance?
  84. Me: “I love you.”
    You: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
    Me: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
  85. Boyfriend: Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
    Girlfriend: Yes, February 14th.
  86. “Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.” Groucho Marx
  87. “I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.” Phyllis Diller
  88. You make me hap-pea.
  89. Time fries when I’m with you.
  90. You’re like coffee: hot and I want you everyday.
  91. You must be peanut butter because you make my heart jelly.
  92. Everything I brew, I brew for you.
  93. You’re like a Sharpie: super fine.
  94. This might sound cheesy…but I think you’re grate.
  95. I like you butter than anyone!
  96. “The doctor took an x-ray of my heart and almost fainted. He asked me what happened with a scared look on his face. I told him don’t worry, I gave my heart to you. That’s why it’s missing.”
  97. “If life had a pause button, I would be stuck in time with you replaying and pausing every perfect moment we spend together.”
  98. “Hamsters run in wheels all day, and I run after you.”
  99. “Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life? I already gave my heart to you.”
  100. “I think I am going to need knee surgery. Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.”
  101. “Your parents must think I am a drunk, but the truth is that I am just intoxicated by you.”
  102. “I tried rearranging the alphabet, but for some reason, U and I would never separate.”