25 Laugh-Out-Loud Funny Chandler Bing Quotes To Feed Your 'Friends' Nostalgia

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chandler bing quotes

It’s been 16 years since Friends aired its final episode and the gang bid adieu to their completely overpriced, unrealistically large New York City apartment and left us with a gaping hole in our hearts. And while a lot has changed since then, one thing has remained constant: Fans still can’t get enough of all things Ross and Monica Geller, Rachel Green, Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, and Phoebe Buffay. With the on-again, off-again talks of an official reunion show teasing their way into the press, we’ve had to make do with the crumbs the cast throws our way with their Instagram reunions.

While every friend on Friends was a gem, there is one who’s humor stood out even among the fictional roommates: Matthew Perry’s Chandler. With a job no one quite understood, a sarcastic quip for every situation, the warm and hilarious Chandler was the kind of friend to help you up when you fell but also to laugh at your bruised bum the rest of the day.

So without further ado, we present our picks for the the funniest, quirkiest, most sarcastic Chandler Bing quotes to whet your appetite.


1) “I say more dumb things before 9 A.M. than most people say all day.”

2) Chandler: “I got her machine.”Joey: “Her answering machine?”Chandler: “No. Interestingly enough her leafblower picked up.”

3) [To a door] “I’m funny, right? What do you know? You’re a door. You only like knock-knock jokes.”

4) Ross: “I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.”

Chandler: “Was that place the sun?”

5) “You have to stop the q-tip when there’s resistance!”

6) Janice: “What a small world.”

Chandler: “And yet I never run into Beyonce.”

7) “So it seems like this internet thing is here to stay.”

8) Joey: “Oh, sorry, did I get ya?”

Chandler: “No, you didn’t get me. It’s an electric drill, if you get me, you kill me!”

9) “Hi, I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”

10) “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

11) “If I were a guy and…did I just say ‘if I were a guy?'”

12) “I’m a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last twelve hundred times.”


13) “Until I was 25, I thought that the only response to ‘I love you’ Was ‘Oh, crap!'”

14) “Could we be more white trash?”

15) “I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.”

16) “What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?”

17) “Cheese. It’s milk that you chew.”

18) “When I first meet somebody it’s usually panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.”

19) “It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.”

20) Ross: “No, Homo habilis was erect. Australopithecus was never fully erect.”

Chandler: “Well, maybe he was nervous”

21) “Alright, I took the quiz. And it turns out I do put my career before men.”

22) “I’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner, I rarely practice my meals before I eat.”


23) Monica: “Okay, I’ve got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.”

Chandler: “How do you find clothes that fit?”

24) Ross directing Chandler and Rachel on getting a sofa up some stairs: “PIVOT. PIVOT. PIVOT”

Chandler: “SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.”

25) “Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple. It opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.”

Related: 50+ Hilarious And Absurd ‘New Girl’ Quotes To Share With Roommates

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