40+ Ross Geller Quotes And One-Liners From 'Friends'

“Pivot!” And 40+ Other Iconic Ross Geller Quotes To Share With Your Friends

November 30, 2020 Updated March 23, 2021

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Admittedly, not every single part of Friends aged ideally. Some of the jokes, well, they don’t quite hit the same way anymore. Still, it’s holding up pretty well for a show that debuted nearly three decades ago. And now that we’ve had time to step back and re-watch the iconic series, we’ve gotta say we’ve come to appreciate Ross Geller — excuse us, Dr. Ross Geller — more than ever. Is he totally neurotic? Obvs. Kinda whiny? Sure. But he’s also loyal, smart, loving, and very funny (albeit often unintentionally). Plus, he’s a paleontologist. How cool is that? And we’d be remiss not to mention that, of all the characters, Ross Geller quotes have given us some of the most enduring one-liners. Any Friends fan who has ever moved a piece of furniture knows that it never gets old to yell, “Pivot! Piv-ot!” Or how surprisingly easy it is to find reasons to shout, “We were on a break!”

So, to celebrate Ross in all of his idiosyncratic glory, keep reading for his best quotes. Nostalgic for all things Friends? Once you’ve revisited the best quotes from Ross, check out our pages on Friends quotes and Friends trivia, as well as our round-up of memorable lines from Rachel Green, Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, and Phoebe Buffay.

Best Ross Geller Quotes & Conversations

1. “I’m the holiday armadillo!”

2. “Unagi is a total state of awareness.”

3. Ross: “Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?”
Joey: “How about Tony’s? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it’s free.”
Ross: “Hey, does anyone know a good place if you’re not dating a puma?”

4. “We were on a break!”

5. Rachel: “Can you take care of Emma just for today?”
Ross: “Sure, just lend me your breasts and we’ll be on our way.”

6. “I’m FINE!”

7. “Well, Hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing. Monica did.”

8. (After Rachel lost his monkey) “This is just classic Rachel! You’re off in Rachel-land with no thought for people’s feelings or monkeys!”

9. “I tell you, when I actually die, some people are going to get seriously haunted.”

10. Ross: (frantically presses buttons on the answering machine) “Oh my God! Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?”
Rachel: (from behind him) “I got off the plane.”

11. “No falafel for you!”

12. Phoebe: “Ross, how about you? Sex or food?”
Ross: “Sex!”
Phoebe: “What about sex or dinosaurs?”
Ross: “My God, it’s like Sophie’s Choice.”

13. Ross: “You sprayed my front twice!”
Tanning Salon Guy: “You never turned?”
Ross: “No! I barely even got to three Mississippi.”
Tanning Salon Guy: “Mississippi? I said count to five.”
Ross: “Mississippilessly?”

14. “You-you-you… you threw my sandwich away? My sandwich? MY SANDWICH?!”

15. Ross: “What are you doing?”
Chandler: “Making chocolate milk. You want some?”
Ross: “No thanks, I’m 29.”

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16. (After a long, serious lecture) “All of which proves that I thought of Jurassic Park first.”

17. Mike: “You’re not gonna try and make me join a cult, are you?”
Ross: “No.”
Mike: “Oh, OK. You just have that look.”
Ross: (to himself) “Damn Supercuts!”

18. “If you’re going to call me names, I would prefer ‘Ross, the Divorce Force.’ It’s just cooler.”

19. “I knew you’d be my death, Phoebe Buffay!”

20. Ross: “So, I don’t know if he’s testing me or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control! He keeps erasing the messages on my machine!”
Rachel: “Oh yeah… I’ve done that.”
Ross: “And a few days ago, he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword!”
Rachel: “I’ve never done that.”
Ross: “And last night, I don’t know what he did, but there were capers everywhere!”

21. “You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that’s half-human, half pure evil.”

22. “Ugly Baby judges you!”

23. (Ross is walking down the aisle at Chandler and Monica’s wedding)
“Wow. This is the first time I’ve walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce.”

24. Ross: (to Chandler) “My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.”
Monica: “Wow. That’s great. Dad must really like you, he doesn’t ask just anyone to play.”
Ross: “Yeah, and he didn’t really ask for you. He asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.”
Chandler: “Well, did… did you correct him?”
Ross: “No. I thought it would be more fun this way.”

25. “There was nothing in your father’s fridge except heavy cream and bacon. I think I solved the mystery of the heart attack.”

26. “Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?”

27. Ross: “Rach, you balded my girlfriend!”
Rachel: “See, she doesn’t look that bad.”
Ross: “You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head!”

28. “Y’know what? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in ‘99!”

29. Monica: “Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex until the wedding.”
Ross: “A no-sex pact, huh? I seem to have one of those going with every woman in America.”

30. “I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.”

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31. “It’s always been you, Rachel!”

32. “You know what the scariest part is? What if there’s only one woman for everybody, you know? I mean, what if you get one woman, and that’s it? Unfortunately, in my case, it was only one woman for her.”

33. “Pivot. Pivot. Piv-ot. Piv-ot. PIVOT!”

34. Joey: “What is it?
Ross: “I don’t know. It’s got all this stuff about wind and trees… and there is some sacred pool in it. I don’t really get it. But she’s pretty upset about it.
Joey: “See… This is why I don’t date women who read.

35. Rachel: “I’m good. I won’t laugh anymore. Put your hands back there.
Ross: “No, see, now I can’t, because, uh… I’m feeling too self-conscious.
Rachel: “Just one cheek.
Ross: “No. Ha. The moment’s gone.
Rachel: “Just put your hands out and I’ll back up into it.
Ross:That’s romantic.

36. Ross: “OK, here you go. Pay me back whenever you like.
Monica: You have dinosaur checks?
Ross: “Yeah. You get your money and you learn something. What’s wrong with that?
Monica: “Nothing. Nothing. Hey, you’re a cheap-a-saurus! I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Thank you, I’m very grateful.

37. “Yes. Yes, it is… in prison!”

38. “I grew up in a house with Monica, OK. If you didn’t eat fast, you didn’t eat.”

39. “Ah. Humor based on my pain.”

40. “You have no idea how much this hurts!”

41. “Get off my sister!”

42. Ross: “Yeah, I need, uh… I’m just… I don’t know… I don’t understand, umm, how this happened? We… we used a condom.”
Rachel: “I know. I know, but y’know condoms only work like 97 percent of the time.”
Ross: “What? What? What? Well, they should put that on the box!”
Rachel: “They do!”
Ross: “No they don’t!” (runs to the bedroom and returns the condoms)
Ross: “Well, they should put it in huge black letters!”
Rachel: “OK, Ross, come on… let’s just forget about the condoms.”
Ross: “Oh well, I may as well have!”

43. “I honestly don’t know if I’m hungry or horny.”

44. “I’m just saying. If you can’t eat by yourself, how do you expect to have a baby by yourself?”

45. “Well, I didn’t. I didn’t propose. Unless… did I? I haven’t slept in 40 hours. And it does sound like something I would do.

46. Ross Geller: “You got a tattoo?”
Rachel Green: “Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world!”

47. (On Chandler’s third nipple)
Phoebe Buffay: “You have a third nipple?”
Ross Geller: “Whip it out. Whip it out.”